<< Oil Changing Instructions
Women:
1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money Spent: $28.00 Oil Change $1.00 Coffee
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Total: $29.00
Men:
1. Go to NAPA auto parts and write a check for $50 dollars for oil filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree. Instead of taking it back to NAPA to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on yourself in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have a beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist it off.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day: Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20. Beer. -- No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-11, buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil on gasket first.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.
27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29. Begin cussing fit.
30. Throw wrench.
31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because you can't find the wrench.
32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33. Beer.
34. Beer.
35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
36. Beer.
37. Lower car from jack stands
38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
39. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
40. Test drive car
41. Get pulled over and arrested for driving while intoxicated.
42. Car gets impounded
43. Post bail; retrieve car from impound yard
Money Spent:
50 parts
12 beer
75 replacement set of jack stands (hey the colors have to match!)
1000 bail
200 impound and towing fee
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Total: $1337 >>