I am so sorry to hear about your cat, Steph, that is so hard to go thru, and it is just so darn painful. Sending you hugs, cause I know this is a miserable feeling, just missing your pet and not having that familar face around anymore.
I had to put my beloved Nemo, a black cat I had for over 14 yrs to sleep a few years ago. We thought he got ran over , but turned out he had arthritis so bad he could no longer walk and he cried all the time.
I knew he was getting older and slower but didnt know he was hurting for so long, until he just couldnt get up anymore.
The vet said the cat would only keep hurting , it couldnt be fixed and meds would have been sky high and only bring a little relief , if any in his case. I told the vet I was ready to let him go , and I held him as they gave him something to relax him before they put him to sleep. He was happy and purred for me the whole time even as his eyes got drowsey from the meds. I told them I wanted to remember him that way, resting quietly and comfortably and I was the last face my cat saw as he dozed off. They put him to sleep once I left the room and they also buried him for me on the vets farm. They do that around here in this little community, i am glad because I didnt have to see him again, but could remember him as I left him peacefully napping like a cat should.
I had another Nemo, that was only 8 months old and a month or so ago he got ran over and broke my heart all over again. I could have swore he was the reincarnation of my first Nemo. I don't think there will be anymore Nemos for me. It was my son's cat really, my youngest and I never told him what really happend to his cat, I know he could not handle it , he just has a phobia about death anyway. He would relive it in his mind , so I chose not to tell the truth on this matter. I hope he never finds out,,,,,,, but I am sure one day it will come out, all secrets do, but at least he will be older.