Tough Day & wanting to escape

Olivia Wilde

So today after my workout at the gym, I was driving away from the parking lot, notice 2 witnesses on the sidewalk with their witness cart, one older man with a young female, related? Not sure but as I drove away it finally hit me, all this buildup & staying strong since my awakening finally hit me .... just crying & saw my life flashing before my eyes just couldn't keep myself strong anymore, especially thinking of my child & other things happening in my life currently, which are hitting reality.....

I came home & had a conversation with my son about our weekly mtgs, we have missed the MS mtgs for a few times/days in a row now, does anyone check on us? Of course not. ... anyway I finally told him that for the time being mommy needs to figure out some things with God & Jesus first & for the time being won't be making the MS mtgs & will be doing our bible study at home... thankfully he understands & just told him that God understands how i feel & is ok with it.... it's difficult to feel alone in this, I feel broken with the other things happening in my life, not WT or JW related, & just want to escape & run away, I don't have many friends & my non JW family is not a close family, we were never close, & i feel like I don't have anyone to talk to.... people that know me & interact with me have no clue the turmoil I'm going thru inside, I pretend like nothing is wrong with my life

nicolaou

So sorry for what you are going through Olivia. I remember that moment when I knew in my heart my life would never be the same again, it was painful and I suffered - but only for a while.

You sound like a great Mom, all the best to you

Nic'

Pete Zahut

That's OK Olivia, it's a process. The road from where you were and to where you want to be, isn't a straight one. You're bound to hit a few bumps and unexpected curves now and then.

The things that bother us are often only as bothersome as we let them be. When I'm having a tough day, I remember the acronym H.A.L.T. it stands for Hungry Angry Lonely Tired. If I am any one of those 4 things, I try to ignore (Halt) any negative thoughts and emotions I may be experiencing and put off thinking about my problems until I've taken care of myself.

I'm glad to hear you are a gym goer. Exercise is often the best thing we can do when we are experiencing a rough patch. Meetings, studying and all the rest of it are meant to build us up rather than weigh us down. You know instinctively when someone else's version of "enough" is too much for you.

Take it easy....your life isn't an emergency and tomorrow is a new day.

New day

It is hard when you have to pretend everything is ok. When we started missing some meetings we did get one elder asking us if we were ok, but people don't really get it at all when you start to slow down.

You can be sure that you have friends here. We feel your pain and your turmoil. I think you will find the support you need here.

Olivia Wilde

Thank you all for your encouraging comments I really need them!

Saintbertholdt

...it's difficult to feel alone in this, I feel broken with the other things happening in my life, not WT or JW related, & just want to escape & run away,

Just keep on swimming...

And you also have a Queen of Dragons avatar. Cmon what would Daenerys Targaryen do?

The Searcher

Just keep your strength and keep going Olivia. All of us here who are on the same road, are willing you to succeed. You can have a better and less stressful life away from the Org - even it takes a little time.

You are doing what's best for you and your son, and it will pay off. Focus on his and your health & welfare - emotional and physical - and things will get a lot better.

Anyone comes looking for info, simply & politely decline to speak about "private & personal concerns - at this time." Make the most of your friends here, by posting or P.M.

You are important!

Tornintwo

Hi Olivia

So sorry for what you are going through. I am sure you can get through this stress and come out happier and stronger with your son.

I empathise completely, I'm a mum too with all the stress & complications that brings and I have been waking up the past few months, it has been at times a very painful, lonely process, with days of tears, grief and self-doubt, contemplating divorce etc etc... then there are also days of elation, feeling I'm free of meetings and ministry and all that guilt and judgemental crap. What I have found is it's been easier (for me) to rip the band-aid off and walk away from meetings completely because I couldn't cope with their judgement and lack of genuine care, but I do have family who aren't jws and a close ex-jw friend to talk with, so that might not be the same for you.

Lots of people advise on here reaching out to non witness friends, colleagues, neighbours, family - to build yourself a support network outside the organisation - which is crucial. Also give yourself TLC, rest and take care of yourself, nurture yourself through this time which is recommended in the helpful book Bonnie Zieman's "Exiting the JW Cult: A Healing Handbook for current and former Jehovahs Witnesses" - available on kindle (you don't need a kindle just a kindle app on your tablet/phone). I've also found counselling worthwhile just to have a neutral sounding board to sort out your emotions and clarify your decisions (I had to do it by email because of privacy but it's been surprisingly helpful).

I'm a newbie and there are better qualified members on here I am sure but please PM me anytime I'd love to give a bit of empathy & support if I can. x

ToesUp

Olivia

The hardest thing for me was coming to the realization that all of these people (so called friends and family) were all conditional. Even the ones who have more problems than I do have not called, texted or written since we left (almost 3 years). The most difficult thing I had to face was knowing these people really didn't care about me and my family. Once I faced that head on, I was able to move forward. Keep yourself busy, find something you like to do and focus on that. Try making some new friends (non JW's). You will be surprised how many people will be kind and actually like you for who you really are not just because you belong to "the club."

Time heals. Hang in there and hugs to you.

LisaRose

I am so sorry you are going through this right now and have no one to talk to. Don't forget we all are here, but do you not have anyone at all? Keeping a stiff upper lip is fine, sometimes you have to do that to get through, but we all need a shoulder to cry on sometimes. Perhaps you could start looking for somebody in your life you could promote to friend status?

I work from my home and it can get lonely sometimes, so I force myself to get out and talk to people, I know I need that to stay mentally healthy.

Feel free to PM me anytime. I check in several times a day.

Tough Day & wanting to escape

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