Congregation "Lunatics" Stories
I'm sure this has been done before, but I thought I'd bring it up again for a few laughs.
Every congregation has one. Mentally unbalanced, even downright crazy, sometimes to the extent of disrupting meetings.
I've had two in my years in the Empire.
Alvin L. in my old congregation in Fort Valley. Completely crazy. Spent time in the nut house more than once. Rode a bicycle to the meetings and I mean all the way across town. Now I'll give the guy credit, he really did want to be a Witness and was even babtized. His craziness came in cycles. He'd be gone for a while, then start attending quietly, then ratchet up the antics until finally the elders literally kicked him out of the Hall. Everyone could see it coming. His singing would get louder and louder. He'd raise his hand to comment on nearly every paragraph and when he finally was called on his comment would go on and on and on and he'd always use the same gesture. Looked like he was screwing in a light bulb. Seriously, you can't make this stuff up, that's exactly what the gesture looked like. Finally the conductor would say "ok Alvin, thank you, that's enough". And Alvin would just smile and shut up.
Alvin had three famous episodes that I'd bet people are still laughing about. Now this is all back in the late 70's/early 80's. The first one, we knew something was coming because he showed up to the meeting in the one suit he owned wearing a -- whatever that thing is you tie your drapes back with -- big, gold, and gaudy draped over one shoulder and across his chest. Old Brother Arrington, who never missed the chance for a laugh, asked him about it. Alvin said "oh, last night I slept on my curtains". oooooookaaaaayyyyyyy....Well Brother Arrington thought it was funny, but Brother Arrington is a whole 'nuther story altogether. After the meeting, at which he sang most vigorously during the songs, the elders decided it was time to "talk to him". As they closed in, he tried to walk away but they had him boxed in. So he simply dived backwards and landed flat on his back. For all I know the guy thought he was going to fly, that's kind of how it looked, like Superman taking off except Alvin only made it a few feet. They carried him out of the hall and that was it for a while.
The second time was pretty ugly. His singing during the song before the Sunday WT study got much louder than usual. And that's pretty loud. So a couple of attendants started closing in. This time it got violent and it took 4 or 5 men to restrain him and all the while he was shouting at the top of his lungs, calling on Jehovah to save him and then cursing the attendants. The Sheriff took him away that time.
The last time he was heard from (as far as I know) was at a convention. Alvin showed up and "security" was alerted and several attendants followed his every move. He was carrying a plate and on it was an empty wine glass. Of course he did everyone a favor by sitting on the ground floor so we could all see him. Every time there was applause, Alvin raised and lowered the wine glass like he was toasting the speaker.
The other crazy was in our congregation in Perry. Lavinci P. Extreme paranoid delusions. She had moved to Perry to hide out because her family and everyone else in her hometown were out to kill her and steal the land she claimed to own. Everyone and I mean everyone was out to get her. She was in service with us one time and we passed a group of motorcycle riders heading to Bike Week. Lavinci went nuts, "Bikers! Bikers!" I mean really nearing major panic mode. I calmly pointed out that they were older folks riding Honda Goldwings, not that that did any good. Last time I saw her, face-to-face that is, was when I and my elder stepdad made a call on her in service. We got the usual spiel about who was out to get her and why and then she brought out a loaded .38 and told us she was ready for "them". We left rather quickly because she was crazy and we weren't armed. They won't let you carry guns in Field Service, you know. I did have a little fun with her after I was fired from the Empire though. I delivered pizzas at the time and had some regular customers on her street. So anytime I got one of their deliveries, I'd ride real slow past her house. Soon as I saw her peek through the blinds I'd stop and stare for a few seconds then punch it and drive away quickly. Ok, ok, that was mean but it was a good laugh for a 20-year old kid.
I've taken up enough space. Who were your congregation lunatics?
I'd ride real slow past her house. Soon as I saw her peek through the blinds I'd stop and stare for a few seconds then punch it and drive away quickly
Oh gaaaawd! No wonder she thought people were out to get her!
I was in Warner Robins from Jan 1979-June 1980. My dad was one of the nutters. Of course at the time no one knew that but me. All the froot loops we had were ones who thot they were of the annointed(like my dad). One sister who partook after much agonizing over the decision had two little kids. After she drank the wine her little girl grabbed her by the chin and pulled her head sideways and said outloud that she wanted to smell her breath. Another one showed up one year(after we left) in a wedding gown(bride of christ you know). Then there were the 'normal' nutcases who were...errrr....'local' if you know what I mean(Bonaire) who would do things like discipline the toddler who would not go to sleep by putting vicks vapor rub on his eyelids so he had to keep them closed and would fall asleep(after he screamed in pain for 3 hours). we also had a couple of epileptics and retarded people in our Hall, altho I don't recall them ever causing any trouble and they were sweet people with bad health. But this Hall was 300+ publishers and 2 elders when my dad got there and most of the pubs were related. It seems there was a family there who back in grandpa's generation was in another religious cult and they all changed their last name to Jesus. Well when the younguns grew up and left that cult for the JW cult, they could not very well be Brothers and Sisters Jesus now could they? So they took a name--said they did not recall what the original name was(?!)--and now the whole congregation was either blood kin or related by marriage to this one family. But Warner Robins in retrospect was one of the saner KHs I have been in.
Probably the most insane KH was Post Falls, ID. We had one sister who thot she was annointed who had been married to one brother who deliberately had gone out and cheated and got DFd to get away from her insanity. This sister would go around saying 'bless your little heart' like a mantra which was odd to JWs. She attracted like nutcases and soon had a whole group of post-menopausal women married to unbelievers who thot they must be annointed since they were singled out for such severe persecutions(?!) One of them bought stuff from a yard sale I had and ended up having a demonic bonfire in her front yard one night because she had insomnia and she just knew it was from the bunny p[icture she bought from me(I was a regular pioneer of some 14 years at the time---why she thot I sold her a demonized bunny picture I do not know). And this was where the infamous demonized vaccuum cleaner incident took place too. I have told this story before--but it is worth repeating. The above mentioned 'bless your little heart' sister claimed her vaccuum cleaner was demonized. She swore it would vaccuum here house without being plugged in or her pushing it. (I never did understand why she thot that was such a bad thing....)So one night in a total panic she calls an elder friend of mine claiming it did it again and she threw it in her trunk and she was bringing it over to him. When she arrived she was hysterical and he had his hands full trying to calm her. It was in her trunk and she was not going to touch it! So he said fine he would get it out and destroy it for her if that is what she wanted. Now in his own words he said he nearly $h!t his pants when he opened the trunk while she hid behind a tree...he said he opened the trunk and he saw it----and it was a DIRT DEVIL!
Does stupid count for lunatics? When I bought a house there I bought it at an auction. It had been an abandonned house and the previous owner was no where to be found and had basically liquidated everything and declared bankruptcy. So I had to make sure the title was clear and no liens etc because she owed everyone on the face of the earth. Well I finally got it all starightened out legally and after 10 months it was moving in day. I had a brother do the painting for me. I had moved most of my stuff in and he decided that he wanted it out to paint, so he moved all my stuff out onto the front grass. Well some friend of the dead beat previous owner pulled up in a truck and told the brother that the stuff belonged to them(apparently they thot it was her stuff and she owed them money). So the brother, who knew me and did not know these people, HELPED them load all MY stuff into the truck and drive away! If the neighbor had not seen it happen and I did not have an idea where they lived---I would have never got my stuff back. Duh.
I got a million looney tune stories---mostly about women who thot they were annointed. Sisters who refused to have sex with their unbelieveing husbands because now they were saving them selves for Jesus...demonized teapots and dishes, not to mention the crazy stuff I lived thru as a child---having my toys burned everytime I misbehaved or had a night mare....