"Reaching out" in the org and personal confessions...

by Good JW 15 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Good JW

  Going to be completely honest here, no feelings spared for me. When I was a JW, one of my biggest motivations for "reaching out" was to become a "somebody". I loved the idea of being a leader, teaching/training others. Unless I was somehow explaining something, or showing someone what to do, I didn't feel fulfilled.

  Knowing these feelings in part, and amongst other reasons, I decided the best thing to do would be to wait until my motivations for "serving in the congregation" were more pure and less egotistical. Considering I'm not even a very proud person (actually suffered from inferiority complex deep down), this says a lot about many who do end up in positions of power. It makes me wonder how much is self-service?

  I now know that these motivations were stimulated by other things that were missing/wrong in my life, and being a "leader" was just a cover-up.
  

  Even after I left, I still had to cope with this delusional part of me that wanted to "show other people what to do" spiritually speaking. It's egotism in disguise! Some still don't even know they're doing it...
  
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  Wasanelder Once

  Nice introspection GJW. I too loved to teach. I would have probably had it for a profession if I didn't surrender to the faulty reasoning of "the Truth." I liked to lead also. I liked it because I was good at it and it brought me pleasure to serve others, to give to them. There is something selfish in all we do. I don't feel guilty for being competent. You examined yourself and found something else, I get that. I, on the other hand, accomplished a lot. When I came to realize how people simply took advantage of my kindness I wised up. Learning how bogus the whole organization was also motivated me to "resign" from all responsibilities. Free at last!
  
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  Xanthippe

  It's egotism in disguise

  Oh yeah and sometimes not disguised at all. We had an elder who used to say, Rome wasn't built in a day but then I wasn't foreman on that job. Insufferable man. Did the congregation hate him? No they just lapped it up!
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  Ruby456

  Yet achieving and having status is a significant aspect of wellbeing

  edit: we cal it social capital nowadays so please don't feel bad about your desire for social standing Good jw. However, many people don't agree that such social relationships ought to be conceived in economic terms. So while there are many sides to this issue, the UK gov is pushing such ideas to help people out of depression. Developing wellbeing through gaining self esteem and social status need not be seen as egotistical in every respect.
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  Phizzy

  I never wanted to be an Elder, I even resisted being a M.S for a good while, until the P.O said to me "You do so much and are such a good example, if we don't appoint you, others reaching out will think the bar is just too high and will give up !".

  I was happy to serve. But, I have to admit I did enjoy teaching, and I put lots of effort in to it, reading stuff from outside the WT crap and as another Elder said " You always bring us something fresh". I always remembered some advice I read in "Diamonds are Forever", a James Bond novel, Fleming wrote, "it is always interesting to listen to someone who is Master of his subject".

  I also found the ego massaged somewhat by giving Public Talks, which were enjoyed by many I was told, and I was a "requested" speaker for many other Congregations, even though I was simply a mere M.S

  All this made me a bit full of myself I guess, but I reckon I hid it well !

  I still like to be Master of my Subject and I guess some people may say I am opinionated, but the thing is, if I offer an opinion it is on a foundation of acquired knowledge.

  I have been much humbled since leaving the JW Bubble of Ignorance, by being forced to realize the paucity of my Education, and now am pleased to be corrected by those who know far more than I do.
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  Good JW

  Guess what I'm trying to say is that it's become abundantly clear that humans are selfish by nature (instinctively) and although we strive to be what we're interested in, even if it's helping others there's still that self serving side.

  To be a great leader involves putting yourself at the back and others before you. However, this takes a heck of a lot of experience. So none of this electing 20 or 30 somethings. You need to be "at the bottom" (gone through fire) before you can be of decent service. Funnily enough, because of this I think that disfellowshipped / "apostates" would make the better leader/teacher! My elders were extremely sheltered.

  IMO, organised religion in general is not conducive to progress when it comes to leadership. It (especially WT) elevates this "I'm in charge" fallacy which does more to serve the system than the adherents. Sadly it also fosters a ridiculously arrogant hierarchy whereby people are put into boxes - "I do the thinking, you are the subservient one", and people lap it up because it's never seen in any other way. They also thrive on the comfort of following someone who looks confident.

  I simply cannot be part of that rubbish; the ultimate goal should be of equality, and no excuses for spiritual abuse. I noticed the silly sex favouritism too, and true balance cannot be had with just one sex "spiritually ruling".

  Of course, leaders are born and as has been mentioned it's not evil. However I do think that unless you are made fully aware of the human desire to be prominent, and until you have been almost at rock bottom, you won't serve any community very well (or at least not get to your potential).
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  scratchme1010

  Even after I left, I still had to cope with this delusional part of me that wanted to "show other people what to do" spiritually speaking. It's egotism in disguise! Some still don't even know they're doing it...
  

  Hello, and thank you for sharing your post. I love what you posted. I know that many people join organized religions precisely because they see that as a way of having a position of leadership where they couldn't otherwise have anywhere else.

  In my humble opinion, you may be giving a voice to a lot of current and former JWs. I grew up seeing so many men (mostly men) wanting to be "somebody" in the congregation simply to feed their own egos. In different ways many others have shared similar experiences and reasons for becoming JWs. It also explains what we see in some presentations, the pompous attitude and the self-serving behavior.

  Once I heard a professional researcher in the matter of cults (high demand, controlling groups) mentioning that playing on people's egos is one of the most common ways in which people fall for those groups.

  Also, if you notice, most people who become "born again", the very first display of their "born-again-ness" is precisely that attitude of authority and believing that they are leaders of the world.
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  snare&racket

  Is a policeman or a doorman a teacher? ........ nope
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  Bungi Bill

  However I do think that unless you are made fully aware of the human desire to be prominent, and until you have been almost at rock bottom, you won't serve any community very well (or at least not get to your potential).

  Very true. As my late father was wont to say " Before you can give orders, you have to learn to take them."
  That truth is something you really appreciate if you have ever worked under Managers / Supervisors etc who had never first learned "to take orders".
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  stan livedeath

  if everybody was somebody then nobody would be anybody.