Does anyone know of an elder that actually helped a sexual abuse survivor?

BLISSISIGNORANCE

There are soooooooo many victims (although I prefer to use the word: survivor) of sexual abuse coming out of the borg and telling their horrible stories, including my own family. I have read stories that made me feel either angry, frustrated, revolted, furious.............but they all made me feel sad.

In every story it seems that the WTS, elders and JWs in general have let the child and/or family down. From my own personal experience I can say that the elders in the congregation where my child was abused didn't do anything to protect other kids, and certainly didn't show love and support for my child or our family. This showed me that their hearts and minds were not healthy. They were more concerned about protecting the borg's name and reputation than feeling a natural desire to love and comfort the child. So much so that they DF'd me just to shut me up, which caused my child severe distress and anxiety.

Well, for a long time I thought I was a rare case and that this way of dealing with this crime was not common place in the borg. But my husband, who had many doubts of his own which were compounded by our family's treatment, introduced me to 'silent lambs'. I spent much time reading experiences, the more I read the more I realised I couldn't be a part of this organization.

For a long time I tried to look for the good in the organization and the people who made it up. I kept going to meetings etc. but I came to the conclusion that most JWs are not healthy one way or another. One elder who I respect and consider a kind man, probably the best elder I've ever known, could not show support for us, it's the WTS that is defended all the time.

Even when the media aired stories which exposed the extent of the problem amongst the JWs, people who I considered friends and good elders, who knew my case, still put the WTS before our family and particularly our child. Of all the stories and experiences I've read, not once have I noticed anything positive mentioning a wonderful elder that stuck up for the victim.

So if you know of such a situation, and are happy to share, please let me know. I know that there are some good people in the borg, but do they ever stick up for what's right or just what the WTS says is right?

Look forward to your comments.

Cheers,

Bliss.

oldcrowwoman

Hi Bliss:

I don't know if this fits in? I have a different twist with my encounter with the committee . I was pushed out of the org. for standing up and not tolerating domestic abuse. Shortly after I da'ed self. Some months later sexual abuse in volving my children. I ran into one of the elders in grocery store. I told him about the sexual abuse with my ex- husband and 2 stepsons. Legal action taken on my part.

He apologized to me for pushing me out of the org. My ex left a sour taste in their mouths. Realized they were being manipulated by my ex. I knew eventually the truth would come around. It was a matter of me sitting in the weeds.

I never did hear from the committee at all. I would'nt have gone back in the firing line. My spirit was broken at the time.

Interesting my youngest was not df'ed for being involved in a worldly relationship and being pg. Because the elders did a botched up job with me.

Nice chatting with Bliss on chat the other day. To acknowledge the pain you and your family are experiencing. If its okay to burn a candle for you all. If you ever need a sounding board. Just holler! OCW

Dansk

IN A WORD: NOPE!

Big Tex

We had 8 elders in White Rock. I talked to all 8. The most benevolent things I was told separately by the 8 elders were:

1. "Jehovah is far too busy to worry about your petty little problems."

2. "You've been seeing this shrink for 3 months. Why aren't you normal again?"

3. "All you want is justice. Well justice is just another name for vengence and vegence is forbidden to Christians."

4. "Tell no one about this disgusting memory."

5. "You used to be so clean. What happened."

6. "Stay busy. Start auxiliary pioneer so that you're so busy you won't have time to think about it."

7. "Has anyone given you something recently because you're obviously being affected by the demons."

8. "I always thought your family was strange."

"Stupid is as stupid does. -- Tom Hanks, Forrest Gump

Victor_E

Hi Bliss,

I know of some elders who in my opinoin were good men with a good heart. I even knew some good co's who shared with me their private views that did not agree with the society. Some of these good elders advised some victims I knew to seek professional help even though it was risky and unpopular withing the JWs. The big problem for these good men is that they could see the futiliy of standing up and out to become an instant target by the other publishers and elders if they did not tow the "party line".

Bill Bowen by far is the exception. Bill would not compromise his personal values and moral ethics and I applaud him for this. While I share Bill's values I have "some" empathy for those good men that recognize the danger and high price they would pay if they put their morals and concience above the Tower's dictums. As we have seen Bill's price has been high and not a cake walk.

Victorian sky

Bliss, I am so sorry for what happened to you and especially to your child. My Uncle is the p.o of his congregation - I know he is sincere and has a genuine concern for the 'friends'. We talked about child abuse in the wts and the cover ups, He said, he's a father first an elder second. The body in his hall agreed that they would call the police despite what the society said, that the congregation had to be protected first then they would follow the Society as closely as possible. I thought that was interesting. He said, many elders he knows feel just as strongly and he can't believe that such decisions for cover ups were made in the first place. He has received death threats & insults for taking a stand on similar issues. He's confided in me that sometimes he wonders if he should step down because of everything that goes on. He doesn't know how I feel about the borg, he just knows I'm inactive and he tries to 'encourage' me. He's a good man but I can't help but notice that he seems burdened most of the time. I wonder if deep down he knows this isn't the truth. - Victorian Sky

Pork Chop

Yes, I know of several cases. One elder of my acquaintance has been particularly effective not only in child abuse but in spousal abuse cases. He gets the authorities involved immediately.