This is piggybacking off my previous post (about my 'personal study'). While I haven't been a long time member, I'm sure if you have my posts you'll know that I'm disenchanted with the WT and am just grunting and bearing until I have a stable enough support system to break away. However, lately I'm just getting extremely angry at nearly everything that's going on.
Me and another sister were talking about a DF guy who came back twice only to finally leave. I asked her how putting his mother through that was loving. She said 1) it protects the flock from their negative influence and 2) it helps the sinner come back to Jehovah. Having been friends with the guy, I knew the only reason he came back at all was because he wanted his mom back, but he finally had to leave for the sake of his sanity. His mom has been completely depressed for a year and the congregation has been hounding her about her lack of field service and meeting attendance. I brought that up to the sister "What if they only come back for their family? What if they don't love Jehovah at all?" At first she paused, then she said Jehovah would never let the elders make such a grave error. This lit a fire in me, because we all know how much WT has erred. I suddenly came up with a litany of questions. So I said, what about the errors of the GB? New light! was her automatic answer (playback to the conversation with my mom). What about people who have died due to past doctrines like no blood and organ transplants? Why can't those who were right about doctrine being wrong be reinstated? Her answer: They died in the name of Jehovah, as good of death as most of us can hope to get. And those 'apostates' didn't wait on Jehovah, that's why they aren't reinstated. Why are you pressuring the DF guy's mom when she healing is different for everyone? Answer: Her son shouldn't have hurt her like that, her mom need to see it's not her fault. She won't feel better until she serves Jehovah wholeheartedly.
I couldn't take it anymore. I was too angry. I grabbed a travel bag and packed all my clothes. I was seriously considering just leaving and never coming back. The sheer audacity to think this is loving and okay! If you're upset about it, you clearly aren't doing enough for Jehovah. It makes me sick, and I really don't want to be a part of this anymore. I just needed to vent because I'm seriously considering cursing these people out for their harmful behavior. I no longer care about my family's or congregations feelings. When you don't care about anyone's feelings, why should I care about theirs? At first I cried day and night at the thought of losing my family and friends, now I don't care. As awful as it is to say, I'm going to shun them too. They talk so much smack about terrorists commuting atrocities in the name of religion, smearing God's name. They're too stupid to realize they're doing the exact same thing. I'm just done with all of it. Sorry for being angry, I just needed to vent.