In a flash of blinding light...

by terraly 6 Replies latest jw friends

  • terraly

    One of the traits that is most endearing about a lot of witnesses is that they will not listen to logical arguments raised by family, friends, or *gasp* apostates, but they will listen to the most contrived and specious arguments that the Writing Dept. can spew forth.

    Then in the style of Swift, I submit a modest proposal for getting past these defenses:

    Distribute an apostate Watchtower issue.

    We all know exactly how watchtowers look- the size, paper, style of artwork, and phrases used in the writing. I have seen several great satirical watchtower articles posted here. So how hard would it be to produce a Watchtower that looked genuine? I'm betting I could do it for not too much cost.

    We'd mail it to our intended targets so that it arrives a few days before the next Watchtower would. Preventing the real one from coming is a federal offense in the US at least, so we'd try to make our mark quickly, which means getting busy, spiritually-tired Witnesses to actually read the magazine as soon as they receive it.

    So what would we put in it? It would be tempting to put in an article explaining how Witnesses should act towards disfellowshipped ones- namely showing them a good deal more love than is the current stance- send it to all our shunning relatives, and see how many call us for the first time in so long. The problem with this is the repercussions. This fraud is bound to be discovered, and our relatives would never forgive us.

    No, I think we would have to send it to Witnesses who will not think of their DF'd relatives and friends to blame. Sister/Brother Know-it-all, Fred Hall, random people...

    I think the magazine should feature only one "apostate" article. We'd make it the cover article, but all the rest of the articles would be standard Witness fare (if we were really audacious we could just re-use old articles and see if anyone notices). But the cover article could start off explaining how Witnesses, unlike those evil Catholics, are not afraid to admit when they've been in need of Jehovah's guidance.

    It would then proceed to revise 1914.

    Perhaps it would state evidence about the true date for the fall of Jerusalem, it would probably bring in some obscure psalm as backing, it doesn't really matter what logic we use- our readers will be thinking they are eating "proper spiritual food", and won't even bother to chew.

    What good would this do? Our Witness friends will discover the fraud soon enough, whether talking about this article to others, or just seeing another copy. In the meantime though, they will have accepted 586 as the true date of the fall, and just perhaps, when they discover the fraud, they will continue to wonder about this date (if we present the argument for it well enough), and maybe even do some research on it.

    The better fallout though, will be for future issues of the Watchtower. Will our readers ever read their watchtowers with such open, vacant minds? Will they not be slightly skeptical, worried about receiving another such Apostate-tower? The next time the watchtower tries to slip past a doctrinal revision of major importance, don't you think the experience with our publication will make our readers pause for a second? Make them wonder, is this real?

    Better still will be their reactions when/if the GB does change 1914...

    Ah, if only we could stoop so low as to use their theocratic warfare strategies against them :)

    Terally, of the treacherous "Shall we their fond pageant see? Lord, what fools these mortals be!" class

  • outnfree


    What you suggest tempts me mightily!!!

    What good would this do? ... The better fallout though, will be for future issues of the Watchtower. ... The next time the watchtower tries to slip by a doctrinal revision of major importance, don't you think the experience with our publication will make our readers pause for a second?

    WOULD it be stooping low? It's such a delicious idea!!!


  • Moxy

    a fatal flaw in this plan. pub subscriptions are no longer mailed but are picked up at the KH. been like that for a long time


  • outnfree

    Beg to differ, Moxy.

    Publishers may still have personal subscriptions delivered by mail to their home addresses. (I just renewed my mail subs before I left the Borg and am still receiving them.)

    It is true, however, that the Society is asking the r&f to deliver subs to interested ones in their territory -- the better to start Bible studies with, my dear....

    Love your tag line, BTW.


  • hippikon

    How Could you !!! and still keep a straight face. I would be too tempted to be sarcastic. Guess Im off the writing commitee. Can I do my life story! Apostate gets the troof looses it gets it again and looses it again Goes to hell Realises hell dosn't exist and gets resurected. Joins the hells angels and lives happily ever after.

    "But it does move"

  • TR

    We could just do an obvious parody of the WT or Awake! and slap it on their car windshields during the meeting. Some JW's would read it.


  • hippikon

    What would we call the parody "Ivorytower"?

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