Englishman said, in another post:
My Auntie Lou has had 4 marriage proposals since being widowed. Guess why she says no! She values her independence too much
Amen, and more power to you, Auntie!
I believe children need a solid, stable family life. I think the best environment for developing a healthy attitude toward self and others is a functional, traditional family structure.
Now that my kids are grown, however, I've had the darndest time trying to see the point of committing your love, attention and sex activities to a single person. Frankly, I find that sex is much more enjoyable without the trappings of commitment, jealousy, fear of betrayal, and insistence on "me and me alone." And I can find no reason why a person shouldn't enjoy the company, including sex, with someone who is a friend, but not romantically involved (given the usual understoods like complete honesty, mutual consent, protection from disease/pregnancy, etc.).
I'm close friends with several women, any one of whom would, I have no doubt, make an exciting and delightful bed partner. Seriously, what is accomplished by restricting my sexual activities to just one of them? I'm not raising kids; I already finished that.
Sometimes I start my morning with a tall vanilla latte. Sometimes I have orange juice and a bagel with cream cheese. Sometimes it's eggs over medium with picante sauce, bacon and hash browns. Sometimes it's waffles with butter and honey. If I wake up to scrambled eggs today, is that a betrayal of the bagel and cream cheese? Is my delight in bagels diminished as a result?
If I sometimes wake up with Barbara, and sometimes with Jennie, and sometimes with Amanda, then if this morning I wake up with Melissa, how is this a betrayal of Barbara?
Everyone who never feels any sexual attraction to anyone except their mate, raise your hands.
Why do you suppose that happens, that sexual attraction to others? Imperfection? Please. How about, that's the way we are naturally, and the monogamy thing is a kind of leftover from the days when the family unit was insular and necessary for survival? How about, we only still do it because we were told from infancy that this is how it's supposed to be? How about, the majority of folks don't do it anyway, they just play a pretend game and lead a double life? How about getting rid of the pretense?
More and more all the time, this makes sense to me. Frankly, I like living alone. I love people and I love company, but there's a lot to be said for having your own place and your own space, and allowing people into it as you see fit rather than constantly sharing it with another.
In her book, Gift From the Sea, Anne Morrow Lindbergh wrote something that hit me like a sack of bricks when it was brought to my attention. Interestingly, the person who sent it to me did not intend for the words to be understood in the context I'm discussing here. I don't think Ms. Lindbergh did, either, given the illustrations she chooses; but then again, the application of her words to partnerships could hardly have escaped her. consider what she says about "being loved alone" versus "alone moments." There are two pages to the excerpt. The first sets the stage for the second by giving the illustration. The second brings home the obvious conclusion. If you're easily distracted, skip the first. If you want the full thrust of it, read both. (Note: throughout the book Ms. Lindbergh uses seashells as symbols for stages of life and social interaction)
Consider closely what she says about the nursing child alone with its mother... the desire to be loved alone; yet the other children are clamoring at the door; one loves them, too...