My old JW best friend is talking to me still. What do I do?

by NaruNaruChan 11 Replies latest jw experiences

  • NaruNaruChan

    I need some advice!!

    My old best friend in the truth is talking to me again, and it bothers me. She was really mean to me when I was Dfed and now she started to talk to me again because she misses me, but I feel bad cuz obviously Im DFed and although I don't feel like I'm spiritually bad for what I am, I cannot be myself around her because I feel odd.. its like the last attachment to that bastard religion keeps hanging on! I can't tell her about my life, because it's so contrary to hers and I hate the feeling of criticism, plus, we work together in an office environment, so we're always around oneanother on weekends and at school... Any advice on shunning HER?

  • Celia

    Just be yourself, with her around or not. You do not have to walk on eggshells. Tell her you don't want to have anything to do with the JW sect anymore, and if she wants to be your friend, she should never ever mention the Jehovah's Witnesses.

  • Francois

    Concur with Celia.


  • outnfree


    I agree with Celia that you should not attempt to disguise your present lifestyle, interests and views. You can, of course, also tell her how much it hurt to be shunned for the time period she actually did shun you. You can thank her for realizing that shunning is not a loving practice. Since she cares so much for you that her humanity allowed her to overcome the WTS's dictates on how to treat DF'd persons, explain gently to her that it's probably best if the two of you just agree to avoid any discussion of religion at all.

    Of course, the alternative, if you really want revenge and/or for her to be out of your life as far as possible given you work together, is to explain to her that the relationship has been permanently damaged by the shunning she did; that you can't find it in your heart to forgive, so would she please leave you alone. (But somehow I hope you're bigger than that.)


  • Swan
    She was really mean to me when I was Dfed and now she started to talk to me again because she misses me

    So she says, but maybe there is more to it than that. She's taking a big risk in talking to a DFed person. Could it also be that she really does miss you, is ashamed for the way she acted, and doesn't know how to apologize? Could it be she has doubts and suspects or knows deep down that the JWs are wrong? Maybe she realizes that shunning wasn't working in your case anyway.

    Whatever her motives, I would give her the benefit of the doubt, but I wouldn't curtail my new life in any way around her. If she does try to preach to you, just straight out ask her "Do you really believe that?" If she says yes, then just say, "I don't believe that any more, so can we change the subject?"

    Whatever approach you take with her will take practice. It sounds like you were never very assertive with her before. I was not an assertive person when I was a JW. Practice talking with her while you are driving to work, getting ready for work, etc. You may have to practice being assertive in a mirror at first in order to get used to it. Eventually it will become easier.


  • Maverick

    Get a copy of CoC and have it on your desk. Tell this friend it was written by a retired member of the Governing Body and it is very enlightening as to how policy is handed down from headquarters.Use their own methodology on this person. When you were a new convert and old worldly friends hung around, you were told to try to convert them! If they took great, if not they would leave you alone! Maverick

  • Sentinel

    Swan, I agree with your response and good advice.

  • gold_morning


    Perhaps her REAL CONSCIENCE is bothering her and not the Watchtower conscience she is told to have. Remember that old addage??? "Actions speak louder than words"

    Be friends with her. Show her the real unconditional love that Jesus taught..... and not the phoney love based on conditions that we had been brainwashed with. Don't talk religion as she may want to win you back over to the "cult". Instead be prepared to defend why you no longer want a part of this man made organization. Plant real seeds of doubt in her mind. Her "real conscience" will do the rest.

    Do you homework about how false they are. Rany watters sight is great. freeminds.

    Wishing you the best, agape love, gold_morning

  • jgnat

    I am wondering if the latest WT article had an impact. Now JW's are to show love to their "spiritually weak" brothers.

  • Scarlet

    You should be happy she wants to talk to you. I lost my best friend of 13 years. I miss her alot and wish we could be friends again. Just be yourself around her and if she is a true friend she will accept you.

Share this