Help with acceptance for JW family still in

by MaryKN 23 Replies latest jw experiences

  • TD

    So, the point of this message. I'd love to know - has anyone been in my situation and truly successfully accepted this

    Yes, to a degree. My parents began studying when I was in my teens. I studied and attended meetings with them for awhile, but could not accept the flawed reasoning on blood. My father attained the status of elder (Or whatever it was called back then...) when I was in my mid-20's and their ability to reason without the aid of JW literature gradually faded away.

    That was nearly forty years ago. It is very, very unlikely that they would wake up at this advanced stage of life and even if they did, the mental turmoil could easily kill them. They are better off where they are at this point.

  • MaryKN

    Wow thank you so much everyone. I really appreciate it and I've taken on your words. Throughout the time I have left, I have worked really hard at my anger and resentment. I do meditate, and try very hard to be grateful for what I have and also realise that other people have it tougher. My family are actually really good people, unfortunately they just believe complete rubbish. It's how it affects family relationships that really bothers me. Also that they likely lie awake at night sometimes worrying about me dying in armageddon.

    They are very devout. They have always been very into it, but it seems that in the past say 5 years they have gotten more extreme. Because the arguments and frustration when trying to reason with them was having a big impact on me emotionally, a while back I decided that I had to look after myself and no matter how tempting, I would not engage in any conversations about it. I think they find this harder than when I was challenging them. Now, things are left for perhaps a year and then one of them will confront me, say they want to talk about it, do I have any questions. Despite me asking them not to bring it up - many times! This is either in person, on text or social etc. Because I am really not sure where else to go after I have explicitly asked someone not to raise something and then they do, what I do now is ignore the comment, pretend it didn't happen, and resume a later unrelated conversation later on. I guess I'm not sure what else I can possibly do! The thing is, when I get these messages or confrontations I get very conflicting emotions - I am very angry that they have disrespected my request but at the same time I know they are coming from a place where they really think that they need to help me. And this sends me in a tailspin of depression and frustration for days as it is all brought back again. And it also hits me that they haven't changed or won't.

    I do need to accept it I agree with you all. But how can I help the emotions that I feel at these times? How can I get them to just stop bringing it up - ever?

  • LisaRose

    Since they keep engaging with you, time to turn the tables on them. The next time they ask you a question, ask them one. Research what you think might work with them.

    Like, "Doesn't it bother you that the Watchtower has predicted the end so many times, and have been wrong every time?

    Did you know that the Watchtower end time chronology was based on the wrong date?

    They have basically been doing the same to you, time to fight back. They will probably get uncomfortable and drop it and won't do that again.

  • SummerAngel

    See I never found the confrontation worked for me they read aggressive apostate backed into a corner. I found my stronger card was to be the daughter I wanted to be , I found by minimising and ignoring their cult it reduced the impact. I've found the questioning stopped after a couple of years. Now we do occasionally talk about God and I've even had some acceptance about my beliefs but I appreciate that is rare. I would react to the questions empathically_ ' I appreciate you care but I'm fine ' type approach

    I did ask a very telling question however I asked my mother " if thexWT conflicts with the bible who do you believe?' She was pretty stumped at that..

    In terms of sadness as I said before I feel pity for them and a bit embarrassed. They went to a local shop to by foil blankets for their go bag recently. I can just imagine the conversation in the shop. Then I thought most normal people would see my own parent's as loonie amagedon hunters which they are I guess it was just a rare glimpse of how odd their normal really is.

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