Hospice and JW

by Terry Clees 19 Replies latest watchtower medical

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  steve2

  Terry has yet to indicate whether he understands - or even empathises - with why JWs would decline his chaplain care. It is as if he just wants to know how to "serve them better". As I initially said, there is a bit of a patronizing tone when what would be welcome is his saying, "Okay, I see where the JWs are coming from and I respect their decision". Period.

  I recall when I was a young JW, a peer of mine shared with me his faith (he was a 7th-Day Adventist); he said he just wanted to help me, even quoting the 7th-Day Adventist "motto" ("We serve you for the Lord"). I said to him that, while I appreciated his kindness, I did not want him to 'serve me' at all. He appeared to not comprehend my answer and even seemed offended. I always wondered why he couldn't just respect my wishes. If the encounter were reversed and I had witnessed to him about my beliefs and he said, "No thanks", I'd immediately get it and move on. I certainly would not try to go in for a second round and ask why was he saying "No" and explain myself to him.

  Terry's question reminds me of that earlier encounter, suggesting that he may be rather new to his role and has a lot to learn about simply respecting patients' wishes and leaving it at that.
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  freddo

  Hi Terry,

  Thanks for asking; I appreciate it when folk look for feedback and I wish you well in your work - to me it shows wisdom and compassion to ask how you can be of service.

  It is probably fair to say that you have landed on a forum which is largely anti jw and if any of us were unfortunate enough to need your services (if you see what I mean) we would probably be grateful for your interest at what would be a very scary or even terrifying time.

  Devout jw's will be just as scared as anyone else knowing they are to die soon - often though they will have elders and congregation members who will visit regularly - they likely will not want your services for the reasons highlighted by several posters already.

  Other jw's will be lonely - maybe their family are not jw's or are even disfellowshipped jw's and they would love some companionship but might be fearful of engaging with anyone who identified as a clergyman by the way they dress.

  It truly is a minefield and I would simply suggest offer a warm smile, ask if there is anything you can provide or if they would like you having a chat with them and not feel rebuffed when they refuse.

  Thanks for posting.
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  Old Goat

  Within Witness comfort zone is a caring, liked elder. Those are few and far between. But you can contact the nearest congregation and explain the need for an elder visit. Elders are semi-trained, but at least your Witness patient will have someone visit from within their comfort zone. You and the clergy onsite will make them suspicious, both of your motives and your methods.

  If elders are not already visiting (you may not recognize them as church elders.), then call. Make them do their job. Shame them if necessary, though politely. If you wonder about the status of visitors, ask them if they are 'from the kingdom hall.'

  There ARE educated Witnesses, but the organization is deeply suspicious of secularly educated people. This is especially so of anything resembling psychology, psychiatry, or religion.
  
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  Cold Steel

  Terry Clees » What can we do to serve our JW patients better as chaplains and bereavement coordinators?

  Unfortunately, Terry, there's very little you can do. The very people you're attempting to serve believe there's nothing you can teach them. They're here to teach you, not the other way around. To them you're merely someone who is in a deep state of apostasy.

  I used to work at the National Institutes of Health and, though I'm a Christian, the chaplain I enjoyed talking to the most was the rabbi! As for dealing with grief, finding someone with great doctrinal understanding isn't always my first choice.

  The Jehovah's Witnesses believe that when on dies, one ceases to exist. Despite the faith one may have in God, or JEHOVAH if you will, when one dies, a person is merely reformed for judgment. If then the person is worthy, they continue on. If found wanting, on the other hand, he or she is then dissolved, permanently, and there's nothing more to be said about it.

  If the person was a member in good standing, he will be resurrected (though you most likely will not). But if not, nothing you say or do will be of any comfort. And that is that. It would be the height of arrogance to suggest that you, a non-member, could teach them anything of value, or comfort them. The worst thing you could do is suggest that God...er...JEHOVAH...is merciful or might grant the dead or dying any kind of a break that they themselves hadn't already thought of.

  That's just the way things are. The only comfort you may offer is of that as an elder in the faith. You cannot offer more than that.
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  eva luna

  Hi there Teri Cless

  I have had hospice help my family twice.

  JW's most likely will be afraid of speaking to an outsider about anything . Not just religion. They are an insular group and depend on each other, and mostly the Elders for support.

  In my situation. Myself having left the group. I found them helpful. During the process and after. I went to a Hospice therapist for almost a year.

  It wasn't just me though. I was able to be a comfort to my leaving loved ones by their advice. I learned to bite my tongue and say loving things to ease my dying loved ones. I said things that calmed their anxiety. Things I no longer believed.

  Yes, sometimes we do that.
  

  My advice is to look for the quit one in the corner. The outsider. The one that isn't quit fitting in. That's were you may do some good.

  It's thoughtful of you to come here and ask.

  Take care

  eva
  
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  Lee Elder

  I believe you will find JWs more receptive to a "bereavement counselor" rather than a chaplain.
  
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  GrreatTeacher

  Hi, Terry Clees, maybe you are unaware of Witness doctrine, but according to it, Armageddon will be here to usher in a paradise earth for believers found acceptable, and this might happen any minute now!

  They have been told all their life that they never have to die! Surely the imminence of their death greatly troubles them, though they do believe that they will be resurrected to that paradise earth in time. Their believing relatives are also sad that they have to say goodbye to loved ones in death, though they believe that they will see them again in the paradise earth. This victory feels very hollow and second best, however.

  Some actually might question their faith. A doomsday religion without the promised doomsday is very troubling to many.

  You may, however, be able to be of service to non-JW family. They've often left the religion in a hostile way. The JWs shun disbelievers. It may be that a relative visiting has been shunned entirely for years, even decades, and there may be a lot of anger and resentment there. The only reprieve from the shunning is "necessary family business" of which death would qualify. However, it's not entirely unheard of for JWs to shun entirely even past the death of a relative, the relative only being informed after the fact. Some of our members here have experienced it.

  So, though you may not be wanted by the dying JW, non- or ex-JW family may be hurting extraordinarily due to their beliefs and practices, and you may be able to really provide care and comfort to those folks, if they're willing to open up about it.

  Thanks for posting.
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  JWdaughter

  Terry, I am not going to get an attitude about what you do. I have spent time with a lot of family members during these times of crisis and while many have "their own faith". If you have told them your role and they kind of reject you, you could at that point, since your role is ultimately to listen, just ask them to tell you about their belief system and how that it comforts them. They might try to convert you a bit (I'm sure you are immune), but it gives them a chance to express themselves and know that you are a safe person. They do not want their belief system challenged as they are about to meet their maker. Or not, as the case may be. It might be a comfort for a JW or their family to express their belief as to what happens after death and how it comforts them. If they know you can listen, then if they(patient or family member) is feeling alone or scared, they will know you are a safe person to turn to for comfort. As you knowing, dying is not something that is particularly efficient or organized or predictable(as to details, obviously, we all die!). There will likely be times and opportunities that will bring you closer to them. If they keep rejecting your chaplain services, then take off your nametag and just bring them some cookies and hold their hand. That's my best suggestion.
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  smiddy

  I believe steve2 has summed this thread up quite nicely and other posters have offered good counsel .As steve 2 said maybe terry is new to his proffession or young and naive or just doesnt have a clue about JW beliefs .

  Which I might add would have been well covered in the preceeding threads

  Terry Clees you no doubt had good intentions with your post however the religion of Jehovahs Witnesses are not your average Christian Religion they are a high mind control cult that views all other christian Religions as Apostate /Babylon The Great The World Empire Of False Religion that Jehovah is going to destroy at Armageddon being the most reprehensible of false religion with their claim of representing Jehovah God and Christ Jesus and then there giving support to the United Nations Organization the counterfeit Kingdom Of God on Earth as opposed to Jesus Christs Heavenly Kingdom as prophesised in the Bible.

  Thats what they believe. so they will not entertain interfaith of any sort.
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  smiddy

  Terry Clees , you might ask yourself why are aged Jehovahs Witnesses in aged care facilities operated by Christendoms religions who they condemn as apostates destined for destruction by the hand of God/Jesus and not in an aged care home operated by the WTB&TS. ?

  Simply because the JW /WT does not care for their aged , or infirm people who have served them for decades they are told to use the options that the government or religious institutions provide whether it be healthcare , pensions ,or hospice.,and age care facilities.Even though they condemn all these as under the influence and part of Satans system of things.

  The hypocricy of the Governing Body of Jehovahs Witnesses knows no bounds.