Sharring my secrets..continues..and the end

kls

Let me say first i am not telling this for sympothy in any way, my growing up is a lot better then a lot of kids,the horror some of these defenseless babys and children have, the death penalty is to good.The reason i call these threads ..my secrets, is something you dont talk about outside those walls as i am sure other's on this sight can relate to.I am telling my story so many of you can understand why i am trying so hard and long to get my husband out of this sick cult.He is all i have known since i was fifteen.Some of you have asked if my parents were jws? no catholics,some asked why the neighbors did nothing ,no one wanted to get their nose dirty i guess and two neighbors were cops.Before i start more of my life ,please when i wright a thread about what ever ...please dont tell me i need to talk to someone or i am feeling this way because of my child hood.If any thing it has made me a strong person in many ways.I as many in simular situations are good at blocking things out and becoming callus to situations.I promised not do drag this on and here i go .All right i will shut up and get on with it.Growing up i learned there are, mean drunks, nice drunks, quiet drunks,etc.Lucky me mom was a mean drunk.When she did get out of her bed , for her alcohlic delivery,my sister and i would run upstairs to our room and push our beds against the door .I can't say some of the things she had done to me ,it is to hard.Notice i said things done to me , i always felt my mother hated me , she always treated me cruel,punishing me for no reason or just letting me know i was worthless.Finally during one of her trips out of her room to get the wonder juice delivery, she stopped to tell me how i ruined her life by becoming pregnant with me,I guess the story goes my mother was going to leave my father and one night he raped her and became pregnant with me .Oh ya it was my idea to just jump in her womb.Any way thats just some .more tid bits of home.Living with my syco sister didnt last to long ,my other sister now almost eighteen was married and had a baby, me i was fifteen and pregnant waiting for my sixteenth b-day( pagan) to get married.Well got married things were rough but alright till a cult member started to talk to my husband at work, well he told me we got sucked in , after a year or two i felt something was wrong with this so i left it but my husband was trapped.To me i have a much stronger mentality were as my husband who says he had a good childhood is very weak and gullible.Next had four great kids (my life) and a husband whose life is work, the hall, and himself.Now i am fortyfive all kids grown and gone but one ,he's ninteen.I am always in contact with my next oldest sister,but not with my oldest. My brother i see a few times a year , and mother, she was constantly put in nut houses and would get out and go soeone would put her back in . She married a drunk she found in the nut house and within a few months he wound up dead. THen she married again this time it took and she stayed sober for twenty years .We would see her once in a while and that was enough.Then her husband died of a stroke she moved around by my sister and me life was pure hell with her, she started drinking again,i refused to ever see her again, the last i heard she died of lung and brain cancer.That's really about it i could go on but i think i've said plenty.I do not think of my childhood years as terrible, that was all i knew life to be.As for my mother , i never got her to like me even in my adult years of trying .Last i heard she was cremated and my hopes are her ashes feel in someones septic. that's all folks

teenyuck

{{{{kls}}}}

I am so sorry for your pain. Parents say some of the most hateful things to children and there is no excuse for that.

Tina

kls

Oh ya ,one more thing , i would like to thank all you GB. for the missery you have caused all people. Thankyou for the funny b-day card that never came from my husband that would made me laugh or smile.Thankyou for the mothersday flowers or card i could have recieved for having his children .Thankyou for the x-mas gift he could have wrapped and given to me under the decorated tree that was bought with just me in mind.The rest of the holidays i don't care.Thankyou for all the nights i sat with my children alone so he could go to the meetings and then the weekends so he could save people going door to door. Thankyou for all the activities my kids missed cause you said it was evil.Thankyou for the embarresment you caused my children in school and around their friends , because of your bible bullshit.Thankyou for controlling my husbands mind so that i dont know whose talking to me , him or the mindless crap.Thankyou for the fear of a accident that a blood tranfusion would be needed to save my husbands life but because of your crap i could watch him die.Thankyou for having my husband tell me i am controlled by the devil because i try to show him you are a cult.Thankyou for all the monies you have collected from your sick minded followers so that for all the children you have let be abused and reabused by doing nothing , they can sue the crap out of you and watch you squirm.

cruzanheart

(((((((kls)))))))

Vent all your pain on this forum, kls. You are welcome here and we all understand what you've been through. Scream it to the heavens! That garbage was put on you without your permission.

Love,

Nina

cruzanheart

May this forum provide you with new beginnings and the end of your pain.

kat_newmas

Often in Nature,

The female of any species,

is left to Endure and Succeed,

In life's Greatest Challenges.

Hidden away in the Female Mysteries,

are the secrets of the Ages.

Blessed Be her Womb,

From Which all Life Flows.

---Kat Newmas

A caption I placed on a recent peice of art. I wish you the best, and hope that this works out for you. Nobody here will accuse you of whining or feeling sorry for yourself. I dare say that most of us share your frustration and hurt. I can honestly say that I have found much healing here, and I am sure that you will too. Don't give up hope.

I did cry a little bit with your post. One day.... you will look back and know that this is out of your hands. Keep your faith, no matter how you choose to worship. I cannot imagine what you truly feel.

You are a woman.... and in that.... know that you are the spiritual and strong. Follow your feminine spirituality. Know that your "feeling" cannot misguide you, if you follow what is truly in your heart.

dottie

((((((((((kls))))))))))))

Vent away baby!!!!!!!! That's what we're here for!!!

Much Hugs and Love

Dottie

Blueblades

Kls. Just one correction.Not all of those in the WT. Society are sick minded. Remember that we were stuck in the cult at one time too.I know you don't mean to put all of them in one sick category.Many are struggling to get out and are suffering much emotional distress from those that are sick minded.

Blueblades

nowisee

what doesn't kill you will be bound to make you stronger. may you rise up.

anti-absolutism

kls...... This may not be what you want to hear, but sometimes the truth is hard to accept.

You seem to be strong-minded about not wanting people to tell you to seek help from someone other than you. Since you feel so strongly about this, I will not suggest that you do it. It would do NO GOOD. From your comments, though, it seems that you have one hell of a lot of pent up frustration that I don't think will go away just from venting.

Blueblades made a good point..... that not all JW's are sick-minded. Don't hate them. Understand that they are misguided, yes, but hatred is too damaging to YOU. Believe it or not, the GB you speak of are, for the most part, just a bunch of f*cked up, misguided people that don't mean you or me or anybody any harm intentionally. Do I think that they hurt people?..... YES Do I think they mean to?... NO

The harm that is inflicted upon you is from YOU ONLY!!!!!!!!!!

I had a friend, recently that said to me that he didn't think that his mother deserved his forgiveness, yet, for all the crap that she did to him. I honestly had never expressed this feeling to him before, but I will express to you what I expressed to him........ Showing forgiveness to someone has NOTHING to do with the other person and has EVERYTHING to do with YOU growing as a human.

Conversely, holding on to pent up frustration doesn't hurt anybody but ourselves!!!!!!! Trust me, I have to remind myself of this EVERYDAY just to be able to continue growing....

I hope you understand, like I said in my previous post to you, that what happened to you was terrible and undeserved, but ONLY YOU can control how you feel about it in the future..... Take care.. Brad

Sharring my secrets..continues..and the end

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