A Short Life Story - Part 3

by pale.emperor 9 Replies latest jw experiences

  • pale.emperor
    pale.emperor

    Continuation from Part 2 (which is here: https://www.jehovahs-witness.com/topic/5769422536966144/short-life-story-part-2)

    So im 25, married, and my life seems to have ended when it should be in it's prime. I have only two non JW friends. I've known them for years from my old workplace. Apart from them i have no friends. Because im not single im not included in the parties, BBQs or "get-togethers" that Watchtower likes to boast about in their magazines. Which is really frustrating because by now i'd become the exact opposite of the shy boy i was 10 years ago. My worldly friend is a standup comedian and through him i got into comedy writing and two stints at standup myself. With worldly people i have no problem making connections, making friends and im genuinely interested in other people. So when i go back to the KH im terribly unfulfilled because i dont get to be my real self. Any attempt of speaking to people my own age in KH fails because either i have to watch what i say, or the brothers my age are all after the same girl. Their behavior is almost comical. There's an attractive sister who's been single for about 2 years. ALL of the young JW boys are around her likes flies and not one of them will ask her out. This has been going on for months. All they do is talk to her. So im thinking "escalate boys, escalate". It's so mind-numbingly obvious (to me at least) that she's just waiting for someone to make the first move. But whatever, im not in that scene anymore. The funny thing is, i used to be mates with her brother years ago. We went to a strip club together before i was baptized.

    By age 28 the UK has an election and the Conservative Party is voted in. This always means a big shake up. At the time i worked in a government job, and the first thing they did was make massive cuts. Unfortunately, I was one of those thousand to be cut. So there i was unemployed and at home a lot. This resulted in my wife getting used to me being at home and relying on me even more than she already was. It was like being a personal therapist, AND the elders kept asking why i wasnt using all this time on the ministry. The fact that i was using this time looking for work escaped them. By some miracle we actually conceived and scans confirmed we had a baby on the way.

    My wife worked part time in a place ran by JWs. About 3 months later she gets all excited telling me she's been offered overtime at work and she's looking forward to doing it for some reason. So off she goes. Her dad drops her off outside her work while im at home watching Game Of Thrones or some other non JW approved programme. I noticed that this evening i hadnt recieved any text messages from her, which is unusual for her. So i text her. She replies unusually upbeat. I shrug it off.

    The next day she comes home and is acting strange. She doesnt want to eat or drink and goes straight to bed. I'd offered to look after a friends kids that morning so i leave the house and go to my friends house. So it's just me and some kids playing and painting etc. I get a call. It's my wife. I answer it and she's on the verge of tears, she tells me she's done something terrible. She beats around the bush and wont get to the point, she tells me that once she tells me what it is i'll leave her. I think of the worst thing she could possibly do: an abortion?

    No. It turns out she wasn't at work at all last night. She was in a hotel room with an elder from another congregation. This guy is older than her dad. One of those "cheeky" elders that treats the platform like a place to be "funny". So they spent the night together. This hit me like a ton of bricks. The strange thing was, i was more confused than angry. Confused because apart from when we conceived we hadn't had sex in 6 years. Because she didn't want to. And this old guy gets it? Fuck that shit. So yeah i hit the roof, but not for the same reason most husbands would be. For me it really woke me up that i was the empathetic one, the caring one, the patient one and for what? - being nice did me no good all these years.

    Without going into more detail here, i didnt want to leave her because she was carrying my child and i didnt want to share a baby every second weekend or some crap like that. So i forgive her. The elder that had sex with her warns her that if she goes to the elders he'll ruin her life. She does anyway. They disfellowship her despite the fact that she was repentant, despite the fact that she told them the next day and despite the fact that the Watchtower magazine says people are only DF'd for "unrepentant wrongdoing". The elders in the JC said it was to make an example.

    The elder she had sex with was DF'd too. I swore then that if i see him i'll do him in. And i still will.

    So my wife being a good JW had no non JW friends. So she went through a full term pregnancy and birth 100% alone. No visitors, no one around while i was at work. I'd come home from work most nights and the lights would be off in the house, she'd just been sat there all day on her own depressed.

    But through the pregnancy we both agreed that our child should be the focus of both of our lives. Religion or no religion. So we made a deal that if a blood transfusion was needed during the birth or after then i would say yes and i'll get DF'd. I can cope with no family and i can always make friends.

    When my daughter was born i held her for the first time and recognized that i loved someone more than myself, more than God himself. In fact, i would happily give up any hope of eternal life on earth to spend just one day with her. I stopped believing a number of Watchtower teachings. Especially blood. I didn't believe elders were chosen by holy spirit, i didn't believe the GB were anointed or being used at all. I didnt believe 144,000 was a literal number and i started to question whether i should be serving God directly without an organization.

    My wife had a bad time in the hospital. With her OCD and anxiety being so severe they kept her in for about 6 weeks. So i had my daughter from newborn on my own. And i loved it. By the time my wife came out of hospital i was set up in a routine and everything. (the house was a mess, but apart from that....). The sisters offered to babysit but i didnt need them to. One sister even offered to breastfeed!! I declined. (That sister was in her 50s and her youngest child was the same age as me. So i dont know what fun and games her and her husband were getting up to to keep the milk flowing.)

    My door to door ministry had all but stopped. I didnt enjoy it anyway and i didnt see any reason why we should be reporting hours to the org. Elders would arrange to work with me, which i would do but then they wernt prepared for my theological debates during the walk and talk. This is where my bible knowledge from a young age helped me. I quickly realized that i knew more than these "spiritually qualified" men did about our own religion and about religion in general. I wasnt afraid of speaking my mind because i could back up what i said with scripture or Watchtower quotes. I was encourage to reach out and become a ministerial servant and that "you'd be a fine elder" as if that was something to aspire to. The LAST thing i wanted to be was an elder. Especially in this religion. If i could have left back then with no sanctions i would have.

    Then... I stumbled upon Lloyd Evans YouTube channel. My exit would come quicker than i thought.

    TO BE CONTINUED

  • Chook
    Chook

    That elder that screwed your wife needs a clobbering. I'm happy that things are working out for you now days and I'm enjoying reading your life story.

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    A young married couple...no sex for 6 years ? That should tell you all you need to know.

  • pale.emperor
    pale.emperor

    A young married couple...no sex for 6 years ? That should tell you all you need to know.

    It wernt for want of trying tho mate!

  • Phoebe
    Phoebe

    I really enjoyed reading it but it's so sad and makes me so angry. You didn't deserve to be treated like that and that elder was disgusting.

    I'm glad you are sharing it because these life stories really help people. Every life story reaffirms why we shouldn't be part of this cult.

    I look forward to the next episode.

  • LoveUniHateExams
    LoveUniHateExams

    I agree with Phoebe, this life story trilogy is an interesting read and Pale Emperor is a great story-teller but it is quite sad.

    So, your then-wife managed to hide her OCD from you during courtship but you found out all about it when you started living together. I'm wondering, was your wife's OCD caused by or exacerbated by life as a JW (WT counsel to keep clean from the 'dirty' world, etc)?

    Hope I'm not being to nosey.

    PS - looking forward to part 4.

  • stuckinarut2
    stuckinarut2

    Thanks PE!

    Really well written. Thanks for your brutal nonesty.

    I agree with LUHE above. I'm sure that the witness life causes stresses that manifest as OCD in many people. Obsessive conduct comes from high anxiety, and the society is a master at producing that!

  • LoveUniHateExams
    LoveUniHateExams

    I'm sure that the witness life causes stresses that manifest as OCD in many people - well I ask this because I think being a JW/'studying' to become one caused me to be a bit OCD.

    I started having a bible study in Nov 1992. By Jan 1993 I'd started to wash my hands excessively. One time, the tap water ran out! This lasted until about Dec 1993 (so nearly a whole year).

    Looking back on it, I was a 14 yo kid studying with the JWs. Lots of meetings, underlining, keeping separate from the world, emphasis on 'clean' conduct, etc. ... but at the same time I was a school kid with 14 yo classmates - lots of looking at girls' developing bodies, misogynistic jokes, racist jokes, homophobic jokes, swearing, wanking and general cheekiness.

    I'm starting to believe that the stress of living in those two completely different environments brought on OCD in me.

  • pale.emperor
    pale.emperor

    So, your then-wife managed to hide her OCD from you during courtship but you found out all about it when you started living together. I'm wondering, was your wife's OCD caused by or exacerbated by life as a JW (WT counsel to keep clean from the 'dirty' world, etc)?

    I'm sure that the witness life causes stresses that manifest as OCD in many people. Obsessive conduct comes from high anxiety, and the society is a master at producing that!

    I think the JW life certainly intensifies it. I've told her since that if she left the org her OCD would diminish. I dont have OCD or depression or anything, but i didnt know that i was sad i was until i left and embraced the real world.

  • exjwlemming
    exjwlemming
    Thanks for the stories, keep them coming, really enjoy reading them!!!!

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