YOU KNOW YOU ARE A BAD DRIVER.. WHEN
You buy replacement airbags in party-sized packs of 50.
To save time, your business cards are printed with your name, address, phone number and insurance details.
Hitchhikers who see you slow down start frantically erasing the destination on their cardboard sign.
To save time, you no longer book you driving lessons in blocks of 10 – you book driving tests in blocks of 10.
Your rear tyres are in mint condition.. they rarely touch the ground.
You’ve never been stopped by a police car. They can’t catch you.
Your passengers never play I-Spy on long journeys. None of them are brave enough to open their eyes.
All the traffic police in your neighbourhood have asked for transfers to a less traumatising job on the murder squad.
You’ve had your car for five years, but only discovered last week that it isn’t an automatic.
The emergency equipment in your trunk consists of a flashlight, hazard sign, ice scraper, flippers, scuba gear and a parachute.
There’s so much oil leaking on to your drive that President Bush is planning to invade it.
Your car is painted a different colour each side to confuse witnesses at accident scenes.
You call your breakdown service and they claim you’ve got a wrong number or pretend to be a pizza restaurant.
You wear a different pair of glasses when your driving. Not for medical purposes, just as a disguise.
During your driving test, the examiner stopped you halfway through and offered to call you a taxi.
Your passengers are issued with a lifejacket and safety instructions.
You recently modelled for a new range of crash- test dummies.