Funny people in your Congregation

mattnoel

Ok so who has got stories about funny people in your cong,

We had one guy who used to recite really long prayers, you would see people shifting from foot to foot as he recited extracts from the lords prayer in with his, he used to knock on doors and when they didnt answer shout through the letter box saying "I know your home" if they did actually come he would keep them talking for ages even after they said they werent interested. He even wrote to Tony Blair and told him how he would die at armageddon, the society recieved a letter of complaint and he got banned from pioneering. Oh and he would partake of the emblems and then look around to make sure everyone saw and one more thing he used to sing above EVERYONE else !

Anyone got any other stories ?

Swan

I remember one sister who wouldn't watch David Copperfield, the magician, on TV. You couldn't convince her he did tricks with mirrors or anything plausible like that. She thought he must have made a pact with the demons to perform those kinds of magic spells. Kreskin too.

Another sister I know took it as a personal affront if an actor or an actress played a heavy (bad guy) on TV. All of a sudden they must be evil if they did that. She also had a hard time differentiating their real lives from the people they played on TV. She thought Perry Mason was a real lawyer. "Wouldn't he make a marvelous Witness?" she exclaimed.

One guy was a member of the remnant and always chewed wood.

The German guy who escaped East Berlin in a tunnel that collapsed behind him, killing his mother. He went to Africa, was bitten by a cobra and lived, even though he was miles away from a hospital. He wouldn't eat meat, but made a big show cooking elaborate steak dinners for members of the congregation he invited over to his house. He invited them alphabetically, first the Adams and Andrews one week, the Beales and Branches the next week, etc. Turned out he was an impostor. He wasn't even German.

Another sister who would walk around the Kingdom Hall twice before entering so as to confuse the demons and throw them off her trail.

Tammy

mattnoel

That must have been the funniest thing seeing someone walk in twice oh my god how funny.

of course you had the usuals who never had a tv then looked at you badly when you had one, even more badly if you watched a soap - ooh god forbid

teenyuck

When the new KH was being built, everyone of course pitched in....one of the very eager helpers was "Old Brother Skol...he was about 65 and for some reason he insisted on doing work up in the rafters....(that was the name everyone called him....he has a really long, hard to prounce first name)

The drywall had been installed and three times "Old Brother S" fell through the drywall on the ceiling and landed on the floor of the building. This was about 1976. He liked my mother and wanted to marry her. He was 65, she was 37. She was convinced that he was trying to impress her with his ability to climb a ladder. Too bad he did not know how to climb off it.

He was an elder so the others told him he was not allowed on a ladder...it was costing time and money everytime he fell through.

I will never forget him....he was soooo old and wanted to marry my mother. Thank goodness she was not sex starved.....His son was a few years older than me and my mom recently told me he was DFd and beat the crap out of his wife. Monkey see, monkey do.

We also had a young man who was obviously gay. He became the PO and within 1 1/2 years he died of AIDS. They tried to hide it and tell everyone he was anemic! He made no secret he was inclined to like men and not women; that is why he never married. Watching him waste away was sad....This was about 1984. He was the PO when I faded. The last memorial I went to, he looked like he was ready to die (which he was)...

Mutz

There was an elderly brother in a congregation locally, the head of a weird family, who had a cleanliness problem. Not that he was dirty or anything, just that he used to carry a bottle of water in the boot of his car along with a bowl, soap and a towel. After the meetings he was straight down into the car park and washing his hands. Didn't say much for his opinion of his fellow witnesses did it? :) My sister told me a funny story about another older brother from her area who was well known for getting his words in a muddle whilst giving talks. On one occasion he was describing Satan and saying how he was like an Octupus, "once he gets his testicles around you you'll never break free" apparently raised a few eyebrows and had several people leaving the hall tears rolling down their faces. Another time Aaron and his underpriests were renamed as Aaron and his underpants.

Dolphin57

Too funny Mutz. I was eating dinner at another families house one Sunday evening. The table talk went from that mornings talk to school to next weekend fishing trip. Then came the topic of seafood. I was midsip of water when one sister announced rather loudly, "I just love semen!" I almost fell out of my chair.

FlowerPower

I used to go out in service with this old german sister who hated the fact that we had changed our policy from donation arrangement to the magazines are "offered free of charge" She could'nt stand the idea of giving the magazines away, so everytime someone said they didn't have any money( which meant they were'nt intersted, but she did'nt get that!) she would say "well could you give me two postage stamps or a few oranges, or a bar of soap!!! I was mortified. She was so cheap! There was a brother once who was in charge of passing the emblems at the memorial, he passed it to someones worldly sister who had been invited but obviously not instructed about the partaking policy, well when she got that bread in her hot little hands she took a big bite! I thought that brother was going to have a coronary!!! It was so funny, when telling me the story he finished by saying," She had on a the biggest Easter Bonnet that I've ever seen, and you know what?...she was wine drinker too!!!" Some of the sister's in out car group used to fight over who went to the door first so that they could start their time...I'm sorry but when I got out in the territory my time was started! With eight sisters in a van you could waste an hour and a half doing it that way! Real sticklers they were! I could go on and on...actually it is kind of good to think of some funny times instead of all the pain that I experienced when I was in!!

gitasatsangha

We had this sister who had Middleclass Late-Middleaged Suburban Whitewoman Syndrom: She was alergic to stuff. At first it was just avon cosmetics, but gradually grew into any man-made (or invented) vapor or airborne particle. She had a new house built "allergin free". She wore a surgical mask at all times. Once in awhile she wore a more complicated mask, that looked like a professional spray-painter might use.

Finally the 2nd school was prepped for her comfort with this almighty big HEPA filter. She would come in a few seconds before the meeting, then leave immediately afterword. No one else was to go in the Most Holy during these times. I dont remember where parents so inclined had to go to torture their children after that. Maybe outside. (Shrug)

The PO felt the need to make a special needs talk about how deablilitytating allergies were. End result: no one was to wear perfurme, cologne or scented deodorant to the meetings. It just wasn't loving, you see.

This obvious cry for attention did not end here, however. Gradually other crazy old crones, I mean other women with health problems, began to develop this strange allergy problem. So, as I recall, about three women were enjoying the purified air of Jehovah's HEPA filter System in the 2nd school. Only the first Sister wore the mask though.

mattnoel

OMG how funny, wish I had thought of that one.

Did anyone have a sister armageddon ? we had a west indian sister, she was brilliant, so lovely, shame she was a witness really, but she was late everywhere. It got to a point where we would put out invites to the whole cong for events but set her invite half hour to an hour earlier............and she would still be late !

ApagaLaLuz

Gitasat..... This is unbelievable, we had the SAME EXACT situation, right down to the HEPA filter in the back room. My mother now claims to suffer from that same problen, and walks around with a mobile filter attached to a necklace around her neck

Funny people in your Congregation

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