speakin of phobias...

by LovesDubs 7 Replies latest jw friends

  • LovesDubs

    I think we as JWs acquire MANY phobias...that ordinary people dont get like:

    Clithrophobia - the fear of being locked in (to a cult)
    Scopophobia - the fear of being stared at (when you are partaking or are disfellowshipped)
    Hemophobia - fear of blood (or the lack thereof)
    Pnigophobia - the fear of choking (while giving the #4 talk or eating hoagies)
    Chromatophobia - fear of color (preferring to be grey, lifeless)
    Necrophobia - fear of corpses (or Governing Body meetings)
    Ochlophobia - crowds (Great ones, or district assemblies with bad food)
    Nyctophobia - darkness (anything, we were told, outside Jehovahs Organization)
    Bathophobia - deep places (like baptismal pools)
    Nosphobia - disease (we kept the health food stores in business and NEVER got better so we could miss more meetings)
    Pediophobia - fear of dolls (particularly Smurfs)
    Anemophobia - fear of drafts (hence the invention of the bribe and party cards to avoid same)
    Phagophobia - fear of eating (which only occurred at Dist. Assemblies)
    Claustrophobia - fear of enclosed places, even the Worldwide Brotherhood, leaves us gasping for breath.
    Harmatophobia - fear of error, OURS
    Panphobia - fear of EVERYTHING...see all other entries
    Coprophobia - fear of excrement (why we cleaned the porcelain clear OFF of Kingdoom Hall toilets)
    Ponophobia - fear of fatigue (and not being able to make those Auxillary hours ...again)
    Ichthyophobia - fear of fish (also a fear of Jesus, and a fear of not being able to properly BLEED a fish before eating. Any mention of Jesus makes a JW go "ICK!!")
    Theophobia - fear of God...Who cant figure out WHY we ended up being afraid of Him.
    Trichophobia - fear of hair (too long, too short, too much, in the ears, on the chin, on the lip, ...the Society has a hair thing)
    Cardiophobia - heart disease (or in the case of the Society, the fear that people will listen to theirs, or worse, that they will GROW one.)
    Ideophobia - fear of IDEAS (This is a biggy..many trees died to suppress the growth of IDEAS amongst the sheep)
    Zelophobia - fear of jealousy. (As long as the Society keeps telling us we are SUPREME...we should never have this fear. Those who fear jealousy probably have developed hearts, and should be stoned.)
    Photophobia - fear of LIGHT. (Oh no...there is new light about "showy displays" and "materialism" and intensifying shunning...damn I have to take the red Porsche back and tell Grandma I cant ever see her again.)
    Polyphobia - fear of many things. Period
    Gamophobia - fear of marriage (and spouses that will TELL if you want oral)
    Androphobia - fear of men (particularly elders and ministerial servants with phallic microphone dreams)
    Spectrophobia - fear of mirrors. (There are no mirrors at Bethel. They cant look themselves in the eye over there and yet live. Or, perhaps its because they dont HAVE reflections.)
    Nomatophobia - fear of names (Active, Inactive, Spiritual, Weak, Reproved, Apostate, Elder, Circuit Overseer, Christ...)
    Agoraphobia - fear of open spaces (or...the WORLD!! ;;;;gasp;;;)
    Algophobia - fear of pain (Suck it up you WIMP! Theres no crying in FIELD SERVICE)
    Hedonophobia - fear of pleasure (if you are enjoying something its a SIN and you must STOP IMMEDIATELY. Like that wedding reception with SMILING PEOPLE you HEATHEN!)
    Peniaphobia - fear of poverty (cuz you KNOW the bruthas aint gonna hep you)
    Maieusiophobia - fear of pregnancy (See the article "Procreating in This Time of the End - Why?)
    Hierophbia - fear of religion or religious objects (which is why all PASS BY the emblems and we take great delight in the slaughter of billions of people in other religions.)
    Hypengyophobia - fear of responsibility (widely held fear in Brooklyn Heights and with all elders)
    Pecattiphobia - fear of sinning (or rather getting CAUGHT sinning)
    Coitophobia - fear of sexual intercourse (well they say you fear things you dont understand...hence Brooklyn's terror of this subject)
    Chronophobia - fear of time (...and you have 13 seconds to finish those last three paragraphs in your outline...12, 11, 10, 9...)
    Theocratophobia - fear of somebody finding out you use words and ideas not in the Bible and say they are Biblical.

  • goo

    your headspace is a turn on lovesdubs. goo

  • emyrose

    Goodness Gracious, LovesDubs
    That was brillantly funny and terrifying.
    I didn't realize how much mental repair
    I'm going to have to do. But at least now
    I can laugh along the way.
    Thanks for the laughs.

  • outnfree


    I think your comment on Nomatophobia was devastatingly incisive:
    -- "fear of names (Active, Inactive, Spiritual, Weak, Reproved, Apostate, Elder, Circuit Overseer, Christ)"

    Also had a thought on Maiueusiophobia -- fear of pregnancy. What if the Borg should actually ENCOURAGE pregnancy in this "Time of the End" the better to still have some disciples whenever the [next] date is that Christ will return for his "faithful sheep"?

    COULD happen! ... "new light" don'tcha know? [8>]


  • Englishman

    Loves Dubs,

    Magnificent! HAHAHOHO! And what about APOSTOPHOBIA!


  • Jang

    That is brilliant! Defnitely a 'passer on' ......

    It is 2 am here and after this laugh I can see myself not going to bed for another 2 hours!!


  • mommy

    That was wonderful! Thank you

    Spectrophobia - fear of mirrors. (There are no mirrors at Bethel. They cant look themselves in the eye over there and yet live. Or, perhaps its because they dont HAVE reflections.)

    That was my favorite!

  • Yerusalyim

    foliophobia-the fear of others religious literature, and to a lesser degree, fear of NEW LIGHT literature? Just a thought.

    There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
    Shakespere: Hamlet

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