Does anyone have experience with Alcohol abusing family members?
What can you do if they dont want to change?What do you do if they have chld(ren) being neglected and the aothorities wont help.
Also what if you suspect other mental problems causing anger out bursts-threatend suicide etc.
Sorry this is such a quick note as ive been up all night,but I would
truly appreciate any advice or experience as this could be life-death as she drink drives with 3yr old .
Yes, I have experienced, what sounds to be, about the same
situation.... My former Sister-in-Law and my 5 year old niece
at the time. She had just left my Brother and was bent on
distruction. Nothing we could say to her made a difference.
She kept getting wilder and wilder, dragging my niece right
along with her. We fought for custody rights, but then she
would take her and run off (during her mandatory visitations).
We called the police several times, nothing helped. She knew
the local cops, and could talk her way out of anything.
Sorry to say, 6 years ago this month, it all ended. She was
killed in a car accident, brought on by alcohol. She and her boy
friend at the time were both killed. Thank goodness, my Niece
was at a Baby sitters at the time. My Brother now has full
custody, of coarse.
We miss her dearly, she and I were close, alcohol distroyed
her and there was nothing we could do. I understand your
feelings of helplessness. The worry, the turmoil....the sleepless
nights.....I have been there... I can only hope in your situation,the person is more reasonable, It's almost impossible to change people, you know that. But, equally hard just to sit and watch.
((((Hugs)))) My heart goes out to you.
I can only tell you about the alcoholic question,being
I was raised by one. There is nothing you can do for
him/her nothing-nothing-nothing.Please take my advice
on that-might seem cruel but more crutches more drinking.
They-they have the problem-which effects all others who
NEED or want from him/her. These others can get help AA
has plenty of other support groups for the non-drunk.
Believe me the groups help. Its possible to meet some
true friends there.As for drinking and driving with a child
in the car. You need to set the person up to be arrested.
If you don't and something happens to that precious child
ask yourself-could this lead me to the same path as
the person who is now drinking? Stop feeling useless
in this situation save the child that can be saved.
As for your family member they will hate you don't
worry they hate themselves more.Tough Love is named
so because it is. The drunk won't stop until they decide
too-they decide-usally takes many trips to the bottom
though for THEM to decided to stop and it is a long
road back. Only then can you show them the great
unending love you have for them.
I don't know if you have ever heard this pray so I'll
end with it.
"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things
I cannot change, courage
to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know
Peace and Love-Mark
Thankyou Crossroads and Casper..
You probably dont know how much this is helping me in this situation.I am going to print this to show some family members and I will write here again soon.
This is very serious as it involves a child and My brother ,sister and I have decided to do what ever we have to do to keep her safe.
Once again thankyou sooo much!!!
My sis and I wrote a letter and sent it to her doc,psych emergency and the police in her area .THe letter stated that we were concerned that she wasnt getting the help she needed and that we would no longer support her by babysitting,lending money etc.
The doctor wasnt very happy as we made him responsible for her care and that we had done everything in our power to help her.Psych emergency told us we need to support our mother in this time-man has she fooled them.
Well they arent the ones being phoned at all hours with their drunk mother saying.."suicide call..5 minutes and Im dead!"
The first 7 or so times this happened we were worried but now just angry .
Also my mother has thrown a childs bike at my head while I was4 mths pregnant and on the same night car keys.All this coz I was dumb enough to visit her in a drunken rage to make sure she was ok.Well I will make sure that doest happen again!
She had some time out recently, and has pills to stop her drinking as she could endanger her daughter.She is back home but not talking to us kids because we caused trouble for her by writing those letters.
Also those letters were written in confidence to psych but they phoned her straight away to read the letter to her!Because she had been so honest to them so they would be honest with her..no privacy act for us!
Any way I am alot happier not seeing her at the moment but it hurts to not have a normal mum.
Well thats the gist of it thanks for listening!
I know you seem pretty resolved already about your problem, but I have to agree with crossroads
As for drinking and driving with a child in the car. You need to set the person up to be arrested.
I'm not sure that it's enough to write the letter to the police (and the others) although that was a good idea. I was thinking more along the lines of when you see your mother leave her home/your home/a family event/etc. while drunk, with your 3 year old sibling in the car, CALL the police and report a drunk driver on the road ASKING THEM TO RESPOND immediately. Just give the license plate # and the street where you saw her (or expect her to be on her way home). Let them pull her over and see her condition and then she'll face the consequences. Now with the letter(s) on record, she'll have a harder time convincing either the police, her psychologist or the hospital that she's not endangering her child.
I, too, have had very frustrating, unproductive conversations with Child Protective Services in the past. But if you can "nail" her in the act, you can perhaps demonstrate to CPS that something must be done!
Question: are you or any of your siblings willing to take the 3 year old into your home? Foster care is no picnic, either.
Wishing you success however you choose to proceed,
Outnfree-yes that is what I meant about setting up.
Jezebel you have done well writing your letters but
tough love is hard and you need to go further. These
people you wrote may be well meaning but none of
them will be at the funneral for your youngest sister
you will, if the worst should ever happen.
If she ever hits or throws anything again have her
arrested for assult anything to show her she has a
problem. It must start somewhere it looks like it's
up to you.
Your in my prayers
This situation is definitely a difficult one. My husband is an alcoholic.
Fortunately, my daughter is now grown and on her own, but when she was smaller, Daddy would frequently want to take her out for a "ride" when he had been drinking. There was no way I would allow her to go with him. It caused some major battles.
I informed my husband that every time he went out driving while drunk, I would call the police and report him. Unfortunately, the police were less than helpful....which I couldn't understand, since he was a potential accident waiting to happen....but my husband finally realized that I meant what I said and stopped driving when drunk.
As far as the suicide calls are concerned, I would simply call the authorities and let them handle it. You shouldn't endanger yourself, but assuming that it's a false alarm could be dangerous.
Call 911 and tell them you've just received a call from your mother, who is threatening suicide, and that you feel she should be taken to the hospital. Several times of the police breaking in her door should cure her of the false alarms.
Whatever you do, take care of yourself first. Your mother is an adult, and she shouldn't be pulling these manipulative games with you.
Dear Outnfree, Xroads and RedHW..
Thanks very much for replying again.
Mum has realised that we wont turn a blind eye to her drink driving with child so she is usualy very secretive about it,and she lives about 25 mins away from me.
But she does tell me that she stays up all night and goes for a drive at small hours to check on estranged husband,who often isnt home.
When I ask where was child she says 'with me',so she wakes the poor girl up at 2am.I wont bother to ask if she had been drinking at the time as at that point she would lie im sure.
She has been caught drunk driving and had her car confiscated for the night,the child was with her at the time.She gave the police a sob story and she just got a fine.
So the problem is I dont see her drunk anymore,I dont know when she will drink drive.I usually figure that out afterwards.She has driven drunk in the past couple of months with her daughter but luckily last time she drunk drove family had the child.
If we take her to court for custody it will cost a lot of money and she is such a good act she will probably win.
My aunty said to me"How many chances would Jesus give her?"... meaning that we should just keep giving her chances.This has been going for a long time and the authorities make excuses for her,very frustrating.
At the moment I think all we can do is hope to hell she is taking her anti alcohol pills so she cant drink.If anything happens to that little girl I will be on the news with this story slamming them for negligence!
Thanks for the advice guys if I do get a chance I will set her up,but I am not positive I will get that chance.
Well, 'nuff said about the setting her up then, Jez. You'll do what you can, if you can, I'm sure.
But DON'T LET AUNTY get to you with the guilt. Aunty is an enabler and encouraging you all to become/remain one, too! Jesus didn't give the guy who wanted to go home and bury his father first before following Jesus more than one chance, now, did he? You needn't give your mother who wants to go get loaded first rather than take proper care of her daughter more than one chance either!
Tell Aunty for me that Jesus loved the little children.
Yes, it's TOUGH love. TOUGH now. LOVE later. Whenever she gets around to doing the right thing.
Come here any time to vent, Jez. And stay strong!