by joelbear 19 Replies latest jw friends

  • riz


    you have brought a smile to my face more times than i can count. i even laugh out loud at some of your responses to people. and i know i'm not alone. you are a true asset to this forum. i'd hug you if i could.

    we grew up in a bizarro world where we were taught to feel guilty for any human thought or emotion we had. it's only natural that some of that mindset hangs on even when we remove ourselves from that situation. i've been out for five years, and i'm just starting to feel like i'm truly a good, worthwile person. it's tragic that we even have to have this conversation. we should all feel good about ourselves; it shouldn't be that we have to literally teach ourselves that we are worthwile people.

    i hope you can find some comfort in these responses. we are all here for you, supporting you and hoping that you come out of this slump. i am familiar with slumps myself. it seems that the way we were raised automatically puts us at a disadvantage. growing up with the weight of the world on our little shoulders is a heavy burden to bear. the guilt is instilled from the get-go.

    i'm glad you feel free enough to share with us. it really does help to talk about it. like i said, we are all here for you. take care, joelbear.


  • nojw86

    Joel, you end your posts with the word hugs, (((((hugs)))) from nojw. This org. has left so many with aching hearts, with a black cloud over our heads. But this board with the support we receive from so many sometimes it lets the sun shine through, hope some sunhine comes your way from all your friends on board, " the good ship lollipop" ....nojw

  • dedalus

    Joel -- please take care of yourself! You're much needed around here; I've always enjoyed your posts, and your website is terrific! Heck, I realize that a bunch of anonymous strangers on a DB can't replace your family ... but in some small way, I hope we help! Goodness knows, you've helped us.


  • joelbear


    What a wonderful and loving response. I truly appreciate it. You have all given me reason to feel better.

    Sometimes it just gets to me, you know the feeling.

    BIG HUGS Back at all of you.


  • battman

    it is almost my bedtime so i will say
    sleep tite and dream of angels lol

    be waiting for your email thurs

    battman of the sandman class

  • Tina

    (((((((((((((((((JB<ES AND ANYONE WHO NEEDS IT TODAY)))))))))))Tina

  • LDH


    Here's a little bright spot for you. Even when I was 'strong' in the 'truth' their bullshit homophobia never affected me.

    The job I worked at for 4 years in Central NY was with a major ins. company. One of the guys, I'll call him Henry, was gay. Mind you, he never told me, I just knew. And it didn't matter to me one bit. We ate lunch together, talked EVERY DAY.

    The day I left the job, he came over to my desk and he had been crying. He told me, he felt he had kept something from me, his close friend. He 'admitted' to being gay. I told him I knew all along, and it didn't matter to me one iota.

    His response was something like 'but you're JW and you people HATE gays.' I told him something like, I can't speak for the rest of em, but YOU are MY friend. He was very moved.

    I just wanted to tell you this, because even of us those NOT gay struggled with the toeing the society's hard line stance on gays.

    You are who you are. If your family don't value ya, go find others who will.


  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas

    Without looking in a mirror, can you see what color your eyes are?

    You can't. Yet this is something easily apparent to anyone who looks at you.

    There are many other qualities that you have that you may not be aware of or may underestimate.

    Here's a fact: other people value you.

    Yes, maybe not all the people you wish would love you are in a headspace where they can.

    The world NEEDS you. It needs what only YOU can bring it. The thing is that YOU may be the last person to know what that is.

    Perhaps no one has ever told you this, so I will: you have permission to be yourself; you have permission to find your happiness; you have permission to find your own success.

    This permission doesn't come from some mythlogical creature, it doesn't come from some gang of old men, it doesn't even come from your parents. It comes from LIFE, from the fact that you exist.

    We all get a little achey from time to time. I hope your ache soon resolves.

  • thinkers wife
    thinkers wife

    I was so sorry to read of your feelings. I understand what it is to feel that way. Mine are much fewer and further between these days. But just early this morning before Thinker and I had to get up I had a nightmare. It was all jumbled up but had to do with my disassociating myself and my feelings with my family. (and some other witnesses were trying to kill me) Very weird. But the upshot was I told my parents that I was never going back to the JW's.
    Just when you think you have overcome all those feelings, it seems they come back to visit!
    Just remember, we care about you. And your choice of life-style doesn't make one bit of difference to us. I think it is wonderful that you are so open about it. Considering the background you have had, that in itself is a small miracle. Thank you for opening this up, albeit under bad circumstances for yourself. Keep your chin up!!

  • TR

    Hey Joel,

    Remember, You should only have guilt if YOU really did something wrong. Is it wrong that you left the WTS? Are you at fault for being Gay? Is it YOUR fault that your family shuns you? I think that you know the answer to these questions. I believe the answer is an emphatic NO! There's no reason to have guilt if you did nothing wrong. Your family is what they are, and you HAVE to accept that. I know moving on is tough, but you have to, because you did nothing wrong to have guilt for.

    Chin up, bud. I think you're gonna make it.


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