Do u feel u missed out being a JW Teen?

Shytears

Do you feel that you missed out on the social part?emotional part?How do u feel your parents handled it?were they strict,let u do anything? i just have alot going thru my mind,just wanted to hear some of your comments

Laura

teenyuck

Hi Laura,

I missed out on all the usual things teen age girls should enjoy....friendship, sleepovers just hanging.

I ended up hanging with a worldy crowd....they at least were friendly. They were drug dealers, however, they were much more accepting of me than the JW kids I grew up with were.

When I look back, that was the best thing that could have happened. I wanted to be tough like by friends so I did not get into all the typical girl things....clothes and makeup, whose with who, etc. I had a car and learned how to fix it myself...I did grunt work for money. I did not pioneer.

My mom was against pioneering...it was a waste of resources. I had to learn how to earn money. I did. I also was pushed to go to college. Again to earn money....my mom had no idea that being in college opens your mind and spirit to many things. Including freedom of thought.

That allowed me to leave.

I do regret not being allowed to join clubs and teams. That was more based upon money...my mom thought it was a waste of money to do that type of stuff...you could/should have a job and earn your keep. Which I did.

I did not miss Xmas....we never got presents, so it never really bothered me. Birthdays did. I missed out totally on that. Never had one. Still have not. I would not know what to do or how to act.

Being considered weird for the religious beliefs was not any fun, come to think of it.

Xander

Being a JW teen suck and no doubt about it.

Being a JW 20-something sucked and no doubt about it.

I dunno if being a JW 'adult' sucks or not, as I have no intention of finding out, but the teen years and college years are supposed to be all about learning, building social skills, and having fun before 'settling down' to an adult life.

The JWs discourage learning.

The JWs discourage having 'fun' (ie, irresponsible fun, specifically, but if not the teen years, then, when?)

The JWs discourage socializing outside their cult (and if the activities within their cult are 'socializing' then I'm Happy Gilmore)

I did miss out on a lot, and depending on my mood my feelings alternate between feeling intensely bitter and resentful or just depressed about it.

SloBoy

Laura,

Good topic. It's something most XJW's can relate too, regardless of age. I am not a teen (haven't been for decades) but just the other day I was thinking about what it was like to not have the freedom to plan for the future. We were told (in 1973), "just rent a shack, put some paint on it, and pioneer til 1975". No college, no property, no savings, no insurance, so many "no's". Some only gave lip-service to the WBTS rules of those daze, and did what they wanted to anyway. But for a great many of us, we are here now facing the future mostly unprepared because we weren't given the freedom to plan for the future.

Gopher

Yes. I missed out on being able to act my age. I was an elder's son, and came to be expected to be all theocratic, have all the right answers, give the right kind of student talks, and behave like a little adult. I got baptized in my teens. That was the goal all teen JW's were expected to strive for (yes, the baptism of children!!).

When I finally got out on my own in my 20's, though still a JW, that's when I felt like I went through my "teenage" years. I had fun on weekends, hung out with friends, explored the world around me. But then at the meetings I still had to put on the part of a "fine young adult" JW.

The demands that the WTS puts on its young people in terms of sharing in their recruitment drives and endless Bible/literature reading, along with the demands that you stay away from outside activities and interests, does take away a great deal of the normal learning and maturation that teenagers should experience. It is no wonder that so many young JW's walk away when they reach adulthood. "Anything for a breath of fresh air!"

calamityjane

Sure did miss out as a teen.

It wasn't fun growing up as a JW teen. I was good in sports, and the gym teachers would pester me to try out for the different teams. I would always try to avoid the subject, because I really didn't want to get into the religion aspect of it with the teachers. I would just say I was too busy to be involved in extracurricular activities after school. I hated that because I liked to play basketball, volleyball, I would have loved to try out as a cheerleader, but never had the chance.

I had to go behind my parents back if I liked a boy. I would sneak out, lie to them as to where I was going, and then certain jw dubs would see me (rats!) and then report to my parents that they saw me with a "worldly boy", and then there was hell to pay when they found out. It was like the gestapo.

Did I like my teen years, Nope. Would I like to live them over as a normal teen, Yes.

I am just thankful that my children will not have to go through that crap. They can build normal, healthy relationships.

Elsewhere

Hell yeah!

And there were several sweet pieces of ass that I didn't tap because I was being such a good JW.

liquidsky

I feel like missed out on most of my teenage years. I was good at basketball and always regreted not joing the school team. I never did have witness freinds. But I never really had alot of close "worldy" friends either because I was never allowed to socialize with anyone outside of school. It wasn't untill age 18, when I moved out of parents house and started my fade that I went through all my teenage stuff (boyfreinds, parties, friends etc..

Billygoat

Did I miss out? Absolutely! I would loved to have been involved more in the art club, cheerleading, debate, all the typical high school girl stuff. But I couldn't. And I can't change it. So I try to make up for them now. For several years I've been very involved in my church activities like sports, socials, dances, etc. I must admit I spoil myself quite a bit now, by letting myself do what I want when I want it. I love sports! I love the arts! I love being around other people and learning from them. I do feel it's a bit like a second adolescence. And I refuse to make excuses for it. I get so much joy out of these things now that I think God is enjoying watching me! I doubt He'd want me to make excuses for it!

Eppie

Hi Laura,

YES YES AND YES AGAIN! The funny thing is that you know that you are missing out when you are in. Ever remember being humiliated because you had to sit on the podium during a congregation with your family and pretending to have a family bookstudy? That you then ask e.g. your father: 'Dad, why can I not go to that party' and then in the end you agree with him of course 'Dad thank you for helping me with this, I am happy to listen to Jehovah and love him more than a party BLABLABLABLA'. And then you had to face all your teen JW friends that looked at you like pffff you are such a goody goody. Cause in reality most of young JWs do stuff as going out etc (as long as they are not catched by their parents).

I remember one particular evening when I was dancing and hanging out with my friends in a club and then my second dad (an elder) came in to slap me around the face and drag me home, and then grounded me for the rest of my life (which was of course only three weeks, and only in the weekends as I lived with my other parents during the week).

It's also very funny actually that you are taught as a JW teen to lie! I mean did you ever tell other students that you don't miss parties and getting presents, that you don't mind sitting at home with your parents on Christmas day while you desperately just wanted to have a normal life?

Anyway, I indeed went to college two years ago, and hell i am making up for everything I lost now! Maybe a bit too much, but hell i don't care!

Remember the saying (or at least it is one in my country and i translate it here): when you suppress something it will only get back harder.

Actually JWs should have some period as the Amish have: a period during your teens in which you can do everything that god forbids and then return. Am wondering whether that would decrease the drain in young JWs that is occuring at this moment.

Eppie

Do u feel u missed out being a JW Teen?

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