Lisa, girl, I'm so sorry you're hurting! I, along with everyone here, know how you feel in some degree or another. My pain did not fully start right away either. It was almost a year and a half before I began to see signs that I was losing it (the uncontrollable crying for hours on end every couple of weeks was a dead give away!) I personally know of others who are still feeling the effects after 15 years because they never dealt with it in the beginning.
But we are dealing with it! And everyone here is ready and willing to help us deal with it. We are well on our way to a recovery! I know it's painful to think of all we've lost, much of which can never be regained. But please draw some comfort by looking at Eden and thinking about the happy, balanced life she will have because of you. You did the greatest thing a parent could do for their child....you are guiding her to a healthy, happy, fulfilled life. You are the parent that your parents, that my parents, are not! What greater honor could you have. I'm so proud of you and am so appreciative that I can call you a friend!
Hang in there girl! Things will get better! I left a message on your cell yesterday. I hope we can get together soon!
Love ya! Keep that chin up!