Meandering thoughts of a recent JW funeral experience

by undercover 6 Replies latest jw friends

  • undercover

    I went to the KH a couple of weeks ago. For a funeral. I haven't been in a KH, except for funerals, for several years. This one caused more trepidation than earlier funerals, because this was a funeral of one of my peer group growing up. There were bound to be a lot of people I've known forever there, and some I was quite close to.

    The last funeral before this one wasn't totally over the top JW propaganda. That speaker did try to spend some actual time covering the life and times of the deceased. But so much for that being a new trend. This one went straight back to the WT playbook. Three, count em, three (and I did, cause it was printed on the handout given out as we came in) paragraphs about the life and times of the deceased. The final 45 minutes was one excruciatingly long propaganda commercial for WT doctrines, and guilt tripping dubs into doing more (because, hey, you could be next and then where would you be if you died and weren't active in WT service)

    Now this person who was dead wasn't the model JW in later years. Kind of a 'fringe' dub. Yet during this talk, the speaker kept going on about how dedicated this guy was, and how he 'supported' his wife and the congregation (gave her a car to drive was about it). Showed up at occasional meetings and networked some business deals. As the speaker gushed and gushed about this guy, I couldn't help but remember that this speaker was the same a-hole elder who dogmatically declared to me that a DFd family member who committed suicide had no chance of resurrection in the New System. And here he stands, carrying on about how great this quasi-dub was. That part of the funeral pissed me off the most.

    Afterwards I got love bombed back to the stone age...i.e. my old JW days. I saw people I havent seen in years, and they all acted like it was old times. Only one self righteous dub tried to 'encourage' me. He hasn't seen me in years, doesn't even live in the state, and he assumed (because of the beard, I reckon, and maybe because I wasn't wearing an off-the-rack cheap polyester suit) that I just had to be 'inactive'. But other than that, everyone was sooo nice and happy to see me. It really was like good ole days (if you can discount the WT part).

    If one wasn't completely positive that WT doctrine is complete dog dookie, it would have gone a long way to spark them back into 'activity'. or at least show up for a few meetings, until the old thumbscrews were applied anyway. But fortunately for me, while I thought it was great to see old friends, I know that it was superficial, and their version of 'true friendship' relies on you being an active robot for the WTS. The weird thing is that I don't dislike many of them, I just don't agree with the belief system anymore. I respect their right to their beliefs (which isn't the same as respecting the beliefs), and if they don't harass me, I won't criticize their beliefs or harass them for being gullible. If we only see each other on rare occasions and it was as pleasant as our impromptu reunion, then I can live with that.

  • Mad Irishman
    Mad Irishman

    It seems to me it depends solely on the family how much a person is talked about in a funeral talk. I've seen some families ask that a person's whole life history be detailed. And I've seen other families basically tell the brother: have at it; say anything you want.

    The latter is where you basically get a talk instead of a funeral talk.

  • James Mixon
    James Mixon

    The last funeral I went too (family member) I was love bombed by JW

    family members that I didn't know (been out for years). I could feel JW family

    members staring at me doing the funeral. The young ones who I have never met

    asking their parents, is that uncle James. One of my die heart nephew introduced me

    to his wife. But I believe this was all a show for my none JW family members, but it was weird.

    I'm a oddity among my JW family members, I hope one day they will come to me and

    ask, what's my problem.

  • Dissonant15
    Just curious @Undercover what you wore? (Trying to visualize).
  • millie210

    Hi undercover, First let me offer you my condolences in the loss of your friend.

    I just wanted to comment on the "a-hole" elder and his dogmatic views on those who commit suicide.

    He obviously isnt up to date on his JW teachings.

    There was a Question From Readers that covered this. The example was given of Saul (who committed suicide) and whose remains were placed upon a wall by his enemies. The Jewish townsmen came and took them down and buried them.

    David commended them for this.

    The article wanders around a bit and then concludes that a brother could give the funeral talk if his conscience permitted.

    So..."a- hole elder" got it wrong.

    Sorry I dont have the article details more clearly in mind but I wanted to share what I remembered and offer you some validation for your opinion of this sounds spot on!

  • Crazyguy
    The last funeral I went to I did out of resect for the guy since he really was a good guy. I listen to them go on about him quite awhile and even had a video showing some pics of him etc. but the talk was half about him and half JW doctrine going all the way back to the basics of Adam and Eve and their sin etc. That was weird. After it was over I left right away, I wasn't going to be around a bunch of brain dead arrogant A holes any longer then I had to.
  • Dunedain

    The last time i went to the KH, it was for a bro. who died, but was also a business partner of mine. Our families became business partners BEFORE i was DF"d, but we still did some business together up until his death. I went out of respect and actual true love and admiration for this person, and wanted to support his family, even if it was just by being there. Funny thing too, but this person who passed away, was actually a PARTAKER during his later years, LOL, but thats a whole other crazy story.

    Anyway, many people Love bombed me, some i hadnt seen in years, and i thought it was really cool of some, that they were willing to talk to me, right there in the KH, no matter who was looking, especially the haughty, power hungry a-hole elders,(its funny how no matter what or where, these same asshole type elders were and are in everyone heres stories).

    The only people that snubbed me, were the Elders and their miserable, crusty, dry crotched wives. Not even a smile or a simple wave. Just complete and idiotic, sick, and psychotic, ignoring, and refusing to look me in my eyes. And beleive me, i am standing tall and proud, looking them in their eyes. I have nothing to be ashamed of. Since i was DF'd, instead of my life being some pitiful worldly existance, i have become a huge financial success, and have a beautiful, healthy and happy family. Word of my "success" had become so well known, that i heard the elder that DF'd me actually mentioned in a public talk about how even "some" who have been DF'd could still go on to have wonderful lives after, but this was because "they" were raised in the truth, and therfore "valuable". Such BS, i thought if you were DF'd, you were gonna whither and die from lack of Jehovahs spirit.

    A few years earlier, my OWN Grandfather died, and my worldly grandmother had a wake for him. So all the JW's came, cause my parents are still in it, and those elders were all nice and giving their condolences to me, but then when i show up to the actual KH a year later, they ignore me like i am literally not standing in front of them, staring them in their eyes. Its so stupid, and such an insult to my intelligence.

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