31 things I don't miss about the meetings!

by Noumenon 6 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Noumenon

    1. Having to sit through 3 of them a week, year after year after year.

    2. Talking to the same old faces after every meeting, year after year after year.

    3. Tolerating nerdy speakers, often with irritating speech and nasal habits. Many over-emphasing and spending an excessive amount of time on some pet insignificant point and glossing over main points.

    4. Quietly fuming at speakers going over time on the service meeting when one is tired and cranky and dying to get home.

    5. Cold, draughty Kingdom Halls with the crudest and cheapest heating and airconditioning installed, if any at all.

    6. Attendants (beagles) who go opening up all the windows at half time, or sooner, when it's chilly outside and everyone was just starting to feel comfortable.

    7. Feeling guilty cause I never bothered to stay behind to vacuum, dust, or clean the bog when it was our bookstudy's turn.

    8. Screaming brats, babies, and fidgety obnoxious kids who squirm, move, whinge, and kick my chair through the entire meeting.

    9. People constancy whispering and talking to each other thru the meeting.

    10. Twerps who habitually turn up 10 minutes late every meeting and insist on sitting up the front.

    11. Being bored witless with Watchtower studies on some dull, dry, doctrinal subject, or some touchy feely, lovey-dovey, emotional subject. Counting the paragraphs to see how much torture remains before escaping back home. Doodling, cartooning, or generally daydreaming to ease the stifling boredom. Reading other articles, such as the life experiences to ease the boredom, and feeling guilty about doing so.

    12. Hoping no one notices I havn't marked up my watchtower, and even holding my watchtower a certain way to minimise others noticing this.

    13. Mean spirited, arrogant Theocratic Ministry School overseers who are over-critical or overly gushy and couldn't recognise a good talk from a bad one, and vice versa.

    14. Feeling obligated to answer up at least once every meeting.

    15. Sticking my hand up numerous times and being overlooked for some cow sister or smart-ass brother who has already given about 3 answers.

    16. Obnoxious, competitive, and oh-so-clever publishers who insist on answering up about a dozen times each meeting

    17. Publishers who give a 5 minute talk every time they answer up.

    18. Rambling over-blown prayers that go on and on and on and on...until I've nearly fallen asleep standing up.

    19. Speakers who ask us to look up all the scriptures with them, even tho we have read half of them a million times before, like John 17: 3 (ad nauseum) and the favourite Hebrews 10: 24 & 25. Feeling a tinge of guilt if one doesn't bother looking up these scriptures every time.

    20. Public Talks where one is looking up a scripture every 2 minutes it seems.

    21. Listening to some moron brother singing one of the Kingdom Melodies like he thinks he is Pavarotti and is doing everyone a favour by singing louder than everyone else, or hanging on to notes so everyone turns and looks at him in embarrassment.

    22. Listening to the boring announcements every week, and the same old convention hotel and seating guidelines etc every year, usually about 6 months before the convention is even due to start.

    23. Feeling nervous about being asked to give the prayer.

    24. All the anxiety and nervous tension that goes into giving a talk.

    25. Standing around to pick up magazines and literature at the desk at the back and being ignored, or some ignorant person standing in front of me chatting away with no heed to others around them.

    26. Having to put my hand up for a spare Watchtower should I have forgotten mine.

    27. If the brother doesn't invite anyone who hasn't got a Watchtower to put their hand up, having to sit their like a dork hoping someone will kindly lend me one or share with me.

    28. Having to share books and publications with some dork who forgot theirs...holding it their for the other person til my hand and arm are so cramped they might fall off.

    29. Feeling compelled to just grin and bear some brother or sister who comes up to say hello and who has the most horrific bad breath, or body odour.

    30. Trying not to roll your eyes and groan at the dorky young pimply sound attendant who has stuffed up the song, and everyone is standing around waiting for him to get it sorted.

    31. Screeling and nerve shattering piercing feedback on the microphones and archaic sound systems.

  • Englishman

    How about mature Bro George. D****** who used to go to assemblies at Burnham, and reserve his seat, and when the attendants moved his stuff that reserved his seat, bought a roll of parcel tape and taped his stuff to his seat?

    Good old George.


  • BeautifulGarbage
    8. Screaming brats, babies, and fidgety obnoxious kids who squirm, move, whinge, and kick my chair through the entire meeting.

    Well, YOU would be a screaming brat, fidgety obnoxious kid who squirm, move, whinge, and chair kick, too if you had to sit through those incredibly boring meetings.

    Those beatings in the back room must have been a bitch to endure! So sorry!


  • ikhandi

    Will always remember my mom poking me in my side when I was a teenager to get my hand up to comment. She continued to do this up until my early 20's which Is why I switched to our sister cong. For there was no pressure. Some friends tried to show off way too much with all that extra research they were doing just to answer one question in the wt. Where the heck did you get the time?

  • kwijibo

    I used to REALLY hate the COs visit because the prick would come and rearrange all the meeting times - swap the tuesday and thursday meetings over and make the sunday morning one in the afternoon. I always liked the mornings because you could get it over and done with and have the rest of the day to your self.


  • Debz

    That was sooo funny..it reminded me of what I don`t miss....thanks..

  • mattnoel

    My god,

    You could not of put that any better could you. I have a witness who still e mails me, I am thinking of sending it to her.

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