My first effort at humour on the board took off like a lead balloon so I'm having ANOTHER GO:
These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things
people actually said in court, word for word, taken down, now
published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying
calmwhile these exchanges were actually taking place. >
Q: Are you sexually active? A: No, I just lie there.
Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 15th. Q: What year? A:
Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci
sweats and Reeboks.
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've
forgotten?
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight
or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived
with you? A: Forty-five years.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he
woke,up that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Kathy?" Q: And why
did that upset you? A: My name is Susan.
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo
or the occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do?
A:Yes, voodoo.
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time?
Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys?
A: None. Q: Were there any girls?
Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And
by whose death was it terminated?
Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height
and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female?
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress
when I go to work.
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go
to?
A: Oral.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The
autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead
at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I
was doing an autopsy.
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q:
Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that
the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How
can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting
on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been
alive and practicing law somewhere.
Hope thats a better effort
link