My Mother is a JW, I have ?'s

by kittycuddler 12 Replies latest jw friends

  • kittycuddler

    I am 35 years old and my mother has been a JW for the last 4 years. I was raised as a Catholic by my mother and now it is hard to understand her new religion. I have 3 older sisters we all live several miles away from eachother so it is hard to get together at times. We mainly see eachother during the holidays which my mother will not attend. My question is....Is she unable to attend do to the fact that she is studying JW or can she choose to be with her family and just not participate in the gift exchanges and party festivities? She has been married to my step father for 15 years and he is not a JW, this makes things difficult during holidays. Please tell me if I am not understanding. I await patiently for someones response.

    Need to understand,

  • ThiChi

    Sorry, she cannot attend. If Armageddon would come during her attendance, she would die (along with the rest of you "worldy people"). What a bunch of BS, right?

    Want to learn more about Jws and offer help? Check out Raymond Franz Book, Crisis of Conscience.

    Edited by - thichi on 3 February 2003 19:57:7

  • borgfree

    Hi Kittycuddler,

    You can also get a lot of answers from reading this board and by going to the bottom of this page and clicking on "other links"

    There is a lot you need to learn, but you will find many answers on these web sites.


  • Truth2Me

    Hi kittycuddler, welcome to the forum

    I became a Witness as a young adult, and I was the only Witness in my family. I was told it was okay to visit with my family on holidays (which were almost the only time my family would get together) as long as I did not participate in gift-giving or other tradition particular to that holiday that had a known pagan origen, but it was up to my conscience, and no one from my congregation had a problem with my associating with family on holidays.

    My family knew about my beliefs though they did not share them, and for the most part they respected my beliefs. Family members who felt the need to still send a card or give a gift would do so either before or after holiday, and if they sent a card it was non-holiday-related.

    Maybe your mom doesn't feel her conscience can permit her to attend get togethers on holidays. Or maybe someone from her congregation encouraged her not to attend.

  • concerned mama
    concerned mama

    Hi kittycuddler and welcome to the board,
    I am a non JW as well, so I understand your confusion about this puzzling religious group/cult.
    I suggest you do lots of research using the links at the bottom of the page.
    As a never been JW, I didn't find the above mentioned book, Crisis of Conscience, 
    made much impact on me, although I understand it is a life changing read for JWs 
    (if they will go near enough to it to read. I found Diane Wilson's book, 
    Awakening of a Jehovah's Witness and also Steve Hassan's book about Mind Control 
    much more helpful. 
    If you are not doing celebrations, is your Mom still willing to do other things with you?
    It seems a few JWs bend the rules by attending the holiday meal or gathering, 
    as long as there isn't any holiday activities happening at the same time or decorations.....
    in other words pretending it is just another meal
    I would guess that most would avoid the whole situation by not attending.
    I feel very sad for you, and your poor step-father. 
    E-mail me if you have any other questions that another outsider can answer.
    edited because the coding went nuts

    Edited by - concerned mama on 3 February 2003 20:21:24

  • kittycuddler

    Thank you for your response "truth2me", this really helps me. I thought that is how it worked, thank you for making it clear.

  • Buster


    You're gonna get some responses all right. Sadly to say, they are not likely to paint a very rosy picture of where you are. You are just starting to see, and there is much worse to come.

    You need to get your mind around the fact that she may someday fall in line with some of the more extremem JW's and consider you Bad Association. You and the other non-minor children may someday become personae-non-grata in her eyes. She may not only skip the holidays, but all other non-emergency contact with you, your siblings, and all your spouses and children. Now not all JWs go that far - but it isn't rare either.

    Tell ya something else: There may come a time when you and your siblings will be reluctant to leave your children with her, lest she spend every waking moment trying to inculcate them into the fold.

    It just gets worse. Please stick around and look for some advice that may help.

    Good luck, and keep us posted.

    Edited for clarity.

    Edited by - buster on 3 February 2003 20:31:54

  • Alleymom

    Hi, Kittycuddler --

    Last year I had some questions about whether or not the WT organization was easing up on its holiday rules for JW wives married to non-JW men. I had heard that there was an article in the Watchtower (December 2001) that might lead one to think that their attitude was softening.

    I posted a question about it here on the board, and someone very kindly posted the whole article, along with comments.

    If you want to see that thread, it is at:

    I am not one of Jehovah's Witnesses, but I became interested in finding out more about them about 12 years ago when I first started having JW visitors at my door. I knew that most Christians consider them to be a cult. For instance, if you walk into any Christian bookstore and check the section on cults, you will find books about the Watchtower.

    But what I found out is that this is so much more then just questions of theology or Bible interpretation. As I watched videos and read books and talked to ex witnesses, I was moved to tears by the heartbreaking stories of:

    families torn apart because of shunning


    child abuse

    unnecessary deaths because blood was prohibited

    blindness because corneal transplants were forbidden (this doctrine was changed)


    I don't post things on this board very often because I was never a JW and I think it is more of a support forum for exJW's or people like you with relatives who are JW. But I drop in and read the messages fairly often, and I still find posts that are heartbreaking.

    This is a very high control, abusive religion, and you probably know that it is vehemently anti-Catholic. I hope that you will find help here and ideas for how you can keep the lines of communication open with your mom.

    The reason I suggested that article is that, since she IS married to a non JW, I think maybe some of the things in the article might apply to her. But you would have to ask others here what they think, since I am reading the article as a complete outsider.



  • Joker10

    If you want to be able to understand her more, you need to find about her beliefs and practices. One way you can do this is by paying a visit to a local Kingdom Hall, maybe even attend one of the meetings with her. Read her literature.

  • kittycuddler

    Thank you so much Margorie for the feedback on my question. I love the fact that there are people as yourself out in the world still. I am trying to request a copy of that peticular Watch Tower to help me go over it with my step father and mother. I appreciate your help and best wishes to you always.


Share this