This just bothers me

by whyhideit 12 Replies latest jw friends

  • whyhideit

    About two years ago a long time friend of the family died in a motorcycle accident. He was riding down a mountain road, hit some loss gravel and slid at about 60 MPH into a tree and died. I knew this man for years and I know he loved motorcycles. As a matter of fact, he owned three and when the weather was clear, it was a waste of time trying to call him because he was out riding. So with his loss, we had a funeral.

    This is where the bothering part comes into play. People kept saying this stupid comment, "he died doing what he loved." Does anyone know how stupid that sounds. He died crashing, he loved riding. I doubt he hit that tree with a smile, thinking "what a way to go!" Yet this situation is not the only time this is mentioned. If someone drowns fishing, if someone crashes flying, or even the example today with the Astronauts. People say the same thing, "they died doing what they loved."

    To me it is an example of something sounding right, until you think about it a bit and then it sounds stupid

  • refiners fire
    refiners fire

    Yeah, theres nothing funny about being roasted alive in a flying tin can.

  • RandomTask

    Many people cope with the loss of life in amny ways. Really, when you think about it, we don't have a funeral for the loved one who died, its really for all of those who have to live on without that person. It helps them cope. People like to think well of the person when they look back, they want to think that there was at least some positive to the ultimate negative event, death. It may not be the truth, but to a lot of people, it helps them move on and not be sad because they arent thinking of how horrible their death was, but how they lived their life.

  • nilfun

    Sometimes grieving people say things that may not really make sense (sound "stupid"?) but do hold a measure of comfort for them.

    Sometimes people don't know what to say...they just want to feel better and they open their mouth in grief and things like that spill out.

    When a death hits close to is so hard to comprehend that that person is really gone. We don't want to think of them in pain or in

    fear during their final moments...


    Death is soo un~natural!! People never know what to say. I agree some of the most stupid things are said to console those who have lost loved ones in death!!

  • Guest 77
    Guest 77

    I'm going to try to answer this comment by my personal experiences and personal acquaintances who in engage in hobbies/work that are risky. I engage in many activities and some of them are 'risky' but I enjoy doing them. I realize the dangers involved, but I 'enjoy' doing them. I take into account the 'risk' factors but I enjoy doing them. My nephew enjoys mountain climbing, another risk factor hobby, but he enjoy's doing it. I have personal acquaintances who are competitive car racers and when asked what the thrill is, the answer will vary, sure it's risky but they enjoy doing it.

    I remember a stunt man who would pull off many incrediable stunts, but it was a routine stunt like the one you mention above that got him killed. This man loved doing stunts he loved stretching the envelope.

    I don't think people mean as you implied. People like yourself knew he loved riding. You have to keep their comments in context, sure it's difficult to say the right things at a funeral, and that's why I keep my mouth shut! Errol Flynn died making love to a 17 year old girl, now, if that were you (Mr Flynn) can one say, he died doing what you loved to do? Have you ever been in company with people who say, if I die, this is what I would like to be doing at the time, etc, I have.

    I do get your drift. Yes, somethings are better off not said. There is a time and place for everything.

    Guest 77

  • DakotaRed

    I believe people say such things to lessen their own bad feelings about the person dieing. Losing one you care for is bad enough and if saying something stupid sounding lessens the impact of that loss for you, I have no problem with it.

    However, the one that has always really irritated me was when a small child died or was seriously injured, some Born Again Christian saying, "it was God's will" royally sets me off. How can they honestly say they believe in a God who wills that small children be hurt? I fail to see how blaming an Almighty for that death lessens their greiving, myself.

    Lew W

  • whyhideit
    it was God's will

    Count me in on that irritation too. That one always makes my stomach turn inside out, and I want to puke.

  • Guest 77
    Guest 77

    Ok, you got my vote on "it was God's will". What's the reasoning behind this comment? Is it their way to soften the sting of death or sheer ignorance and whatever?

    Guest 77

  • Ed
    Ok, you got my vote on "it was God's will". What's the reasoning behind this comment?

    I guess some people feel that if something really awful happens, better to have some great purpose behind it than not.

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