Why don't victims tell about their abuse.

by Lady Lee 45 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex

    Very often in dysfunctional families, the children will "parent" the parents, in that the child is forced to behave with more maturity at a far earlier age than is typical. There was a story here in Dallas of an 11 year old who was driving his drunk father home from the bar. I remember feeling, not superior, but that I was more intelligent than my parents and I used that to build a fragile confidence and find a way out of the hell I grew up in.

    There are all sorts of reasons victims don't tell. Mine was that I got tired of telling and no help coming. I remember telling a woman who came into my father's store (I was 4) that "My daddy hurt me in my bottom." To my way of thinking, I had told everything. I remember the look on her face when she realized what I had said. I remember another time telling my grandmother and she slapped me and told me to never say that again. She told my mother and, after Nanny left, she hit me till my nose was broken. After a while, you just give up and keep quiet.


  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee


    That is a good point. Actually many kids are in that situation. At 8 yrs old I was the mother in the family. to my 3 younger brothers. My mother was often doing her own thing and I was feeding the boys, getting them up, putting them to bed, watching out over themduring the day and taking care of them if they woke up at night. My father couldn't read so I took care of any reading he needed done including reading mapa and signs whenever we went anywhere. After my mother left with the 2 youngest I really became the "little mother and wife" I was doing the laundry and had cleaning and had full responsibility for my brother. When I went to live with my mother 11 yrs old I was given full responsibility of my baby sister. With both parents - I listened to their problems and was their shoulder to cry on. I knew how pathetic their lives were and how incapable they were of doing things on their own

    Yes a lot of kids learned very early to be the grown-up in the family so there was no one to go to. But that too has its sad impact. I never got to be a kid and learn certain things and develop normally. I learned very early that if anything was going to get done I better do it myself. Makes it hard for me to sometimes ask for help from others so I wind up doing things the hard way.

  • aunthill


  • blondie

    My parents made me be the parent as well as the go-between. My mother is in her 70's and still desperately wants me to parent her. It is a sick alcoholic family. I remember one woman in Al-Anon as a young child was expected by the rest of the family to calm down her drunken father. Especially, when it is your parents who are the abusers and the enablers, who do you go to? Who will believe you over the adults? What adult would find it easy to report an abuser, especially if their day to day life was dependent on the abuser?


  • Will Power
    Will Power

    Thank you for starting this topic.

    I have learned alot. A situation has come to my attention where I could possibly help young victim. Not sure how I should proceed. I do feel however that having this knowledge obligates me to at the very least reach out then on from there I am ready to be a rock - what ever she needs.

    There are other problems involved and they are either as a result of, or contributing to, the beginning of a long road of pain. How does one bring it up? Should I be generically receptive?

    Lady Lee you could PM me.



  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    aunthill thanks for the bttt

    Blondie - many people don't understand how difficult it is for a child to reach out and report their only means of survival.

    Will - PM sent

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