First and most important;
| Elsewhere | I like getting spankings |
Sorry Elsewhere, I can't help you. Perhaps one of the sisters...
Glad to note the first posts on this topic show an understanding of my point. It appears that there are a couple of limitations. One is that I have seen some mothers, even here where I live, give a few whacks to the behind of a very young baby. It seems unreasonable to me.
There is an age when a child has a level of understanding that can equate bad behavior with punishment. Corporal punishment before that age (undetermined because all children are different) seems to be unproductive. I don't think a baby really can comprehend being struck. Then again, I'm not a mother. Perhaps due to the closeness between mother and baby it can be effective. I simply don't know. I do feel uncomfortable about it however. Maybe someone can give an idea of the lower limit at which such correction might be effective.
The upper limit, too, seems a little cloudy. As I mentioned, all kids mature in different areas of their personalities at different rates. Of this I am reasonably sure. I work with young children quite a bit. But I believe that spanking becomes ineffective (except to cause anger and resistance) at a certain age usually before adolescence.
My son, who is now 19 years of age, has, on more than one occasion, told me that he would prefer that I "hit" him instead of expressing disappointment in a behavior or even silent disapproval. I actually understand what he means. Sometimes the knowledge that he (or even myself) have done wrong makes him wish for a way to just make the problem go away.
I think that the word "discipline" gets a bad rap. I too think that Spock should have stuck to space exploration (joke). I don't see the majority of young people as better off than their parents and in many cases much worse off. We all deserve respect -- even the parents. And respect is earned. This is a common expression among young people now who refuse to see the broader implications of the saying. When you show responsibility and respect, you will be given more of each.
If we don't discipline the kids, OTHER KIDS WILL DO IT FOR US, as I said in my original post. And the results are usually far more damaging to our kids.
My approach is, and has been, not to administer punishment when I am angry. I have seen parents do this (even mine) and the result is usually not good. I also tend to view it as an intensely private matter. Public humiliation is out for me.
Having said that, there are certain forms of corporal punishment that can be applied. In my classes and with the parent's permission I often have the "offender" do push-ups (5 - 10). It is done in a light-hearted manner and with a sense of play. They get the point and are never humiliated. I clear this with the parents when they first bring their kids to me for training. The option I give them is either their child conforms to the norms of my class or they are corrected. If I can't correct the child, I will not accept that child in my class.
At the end of the day, EVERY child leaves with a smile. They even have some bad behaviors with their parents that the kids know I will not accept. Outside of my classes it is up to the parents to either continue with what I teach or not. But I always expect the best from my students. My son also helps me with my classes. The kids love him. Dammit, I think they like him more than they do me!
Well, just some thoughts. I look forward to hearing more from you.
BTW, I also think that many people sort of ride the pendulum. They often say (as I did to myself) that, "I will never do what was done to me!" Well, I have discovered that my parents were not entirely wrong. They made mistake as I have but for the most part, I see discipline as an act of love.
Marcos