Could you trust someone who has been sexually abus

by Jesika 20 Replies latest jw friends

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  Jesika

  Abused to babysit for your children???

  I was thinking about this today, in light of my son's well being, being questioned.

  Stats show that people who have been sexually abused go on to later abuse someone else.

  So, with that in mind, being that I was sexually abused, would someone not let me watch their children out of fear that I would do the same to another child??? Not just me but anyone you knew that had this happen to them, would you let them watch your child, even if you do would this be a ? in the back of your mind ?

  edited to add--------I would NEVER do this to any child!!!!!!!!!!! I would rather die than abuse a child.

  Edited by - jesika on 9 January 2003 21:0:51
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  SheilaM

  Jesika:

  I really trusted very few people to watch my children. I am just paranoid I guess but it would depend on the person and if I trusted them I guess. If I left someone with my child I would have to know and trust them, my neighbor was abused and I know she would never harm my children so I guess just like life the answer is just a varying shade of gray.
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  Lin

  Jes, it would depend on the person. Like, I wouldn't trust my son with anyone's child, and you know which son I'm talking about. It all depends on the person, and I know you would never hurt a soul. I wouldn't be concerned about you abusing any child. No way.
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  Brumm

  If the question was in the back of my mind then the answer is definately no.

  With you the question wouldnt be in the back of my mind though, so what are you doing next weekend?

  Brummie (hoping to get out for the weekend and needs a babysitter)

  Edited by - brumm on 9 January 2003 22:46:6
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  Big Tex

  For me it really depends on how well I know the potential babysitter. Their past, to me, is irrelevent. It's what they are now that is important. I think also the age of the children is a factor. If your kids are pre-school, then you really want to be conservative about babysitting. I know when ours were that age, my wife and I went out perhaps once a year. Now that they're older, there is less a need for that level of protection. We've taught them what to do and we grill them each time to find out if anything unusual was said or done.

  Having said all this, there is no one I would trust my children with more than you Jesika. I know you well enough that you would care for them (probably better than me) very well.
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  Banshee

  Jes,

  I don't have kids but I think that if I did, I would only trust that person if they had worked through their abuse issues and knew them well and had observed their interaction with children and saw that they had a healthy way of dealing with kids. But beyond that, I would trust my gut insticts about the person, as well. If I had ANY doubts that my kids were safe with the person, that person would not watch my kids.

  Good topic, BTW!
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  whyhideit

  I think you need to take everyone as a individual and not generalize anyone. I have met people who were abused, that I do not trust at all. I have also met ones that I would trust my life with, as well. Before you leave your children with them, get to know them and see what other people think. That will help you to get a good view of what they are really like.

  By the way, I do not hear it mentioned on hear much, but a huge abuse factor that is happening a lot. Is children molesting children. So if you are only concerned about the adult babysitters, you better widen your examination to include the children they are with too. Children that are sexually abused, sometimes repeat the actions they learn on other young people. Not something most people want to admit too, as it is hard to be angry at the child. Knowing what drove them to the actions.
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  TorturedSoul

  "Stats show that people who have been sexually abused go on to later abuse someone else."

  I've been in the Mental Health field (Childhood Trauma) for over 25 years. I, as boy of 10 was kidnapped, beaten, repeatdly raped, choked and burned and my broken body left in a ditch to die so I think I have an idea about trauma.

  In all these years as a profesional, I have never seen real stats that support that. I am not saying that it doesn't happen from time to time, but to make it sound as EVERYONE that has been abused will abuse is sick.

  How many people used a baby sitter for their children or maybe your family hired one for you when you were young. Do you know for certain that they were never abused? I don't think so. Abuse is something that is finally out in the open and more people are finding the courage to speak about it. I assure you that you have NO idea, even in your wildest imagination, the pain and trauma that people have gone through. There are many days that I am thankful that I only had to endure what I did, and not what others have had to endure, and I see the abused everyday, and I marvel at their courage

  My hope and prayer is that they will be allowed to speak out and not have a stigma attached to them over something that was not their fault.

  Good evening

  TS
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  Lady Lee

  Jesika

  Stats show that people who have been sexually abused go on to later abuse someone else

  The truth to this statement is that SOME studies have shown that SOME of the people who were abused as children will go on to become abusers.

  Most definitely not all will go on to become abusers. Over the last 18 years I have worked with or spoken to about 1000 adult survivors of abuse. Of the ones where the issues arose all said they would rather die than hurt a child. Many of those people both men and women who were abused had chosen careers that would help them protect children (law enforcement, lawyers, social workers, teachers, etc.)

  Sadly the so-called statistic you mention only serves to make people wary of all those who have been abused. And for those of us who give it some degree of validity it leaves us distrusting ourselves and scared of our own motives and actions.
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  Jesika

  OH S*IT!!!!!!!!! I didn't realize I didn't say some people go on to abuse others. I am soooooooooo sorry. I was abused also, so please understand it was an oversight on my part.

  If I offended anyone I am very sorry, it was not intended only the ? of whether you could trust a person with this kind of past. I just wanted others feelings on this being that I am a victim/survivor, I just wanted to see what others had to say.

  <smaking myself in the face> that is a big oops on my part!!!!!!! Sorry for not reading my statement more clearly.

  Jesika