Someone asks you "What's the most exciting thing that's ever happened to you?" and you have to admit it hasn't happened yet.
You think questioning the truth of tabloid stories should be a disfellowshipping offense.
You have erotic fantasies about Ronald McDonald when he's wearing makeup and those godawful yellow bloomers (women and gay/bi males).
As above, but you're a straight male.
Windows 3.1 and 4 megs of RAM on a 386 was good enough for you while doing college homework, so why shouldn't your kids like to have it now?
You bet on professional wrestling matches.
"Reader's Digest" is bawdy literature.
You're dying to ask the Hamburglar: "Briefs or boxers?"
You're certain DVD is only a phase or a fad.
You bought your car new in 1993...and it still has that "new car smell."
An electric typewriter, to you, is state-of-the-art office technology.
You read this list all the way through (Hah! Made ya look!).
Happy New Year.