Should I go to the meetings?

Nickey

I'm having a bit of a problem.

My mother recently decided to go back to the meetings. It isn't enough that I've made a personal decision for myself to not go. But I find her constantly trying to push me to go. I don't like her tactics either. Coming and trying to have conversations with me and trying to question me.

I haven't fully declared my stance as far as the organization. I've done my own research and have kept it to myself. I'm aware that coming out and stating my case will have some consequences. Being that all of my family are DEEPLY into it. Very strong beliefs in being JW's. I was raised as one, but it just isn't my views anymore.

It's just really frustrating with her trying to force me to go to the meetings and trying to use every opportunity as a "witness" for me to go back.

I'm just sick of the lies and hypocrisy... the false doctrines. The double standards, the haughtiness and greediness. And it really ticks me off that NONE of my family has ever done any research of any kind at any point in their life.

I feel... or rather know, that they'll peck me endlessly with extreme force once I tell them that it's no longer my views as far as the organization.

Should I go occasionally? Or... any advice? I plan to disassociate myself once I move out. But until then, it's such a hassle.

TIMBO

Long history for myself. Raised a witness. I'm 42 now. Been df'd once. Re-instated but inactive now for reasons to long to explain in this post.

Your question and my response.

Pull away slowly. Go some. Don't go some. Avoid any confrontations regarding your stance on their belief system. It's a pain in the ass, but they will adjust to your behavior. It just happens they don't expect you to go and just stop harassing you. I never thought I'd see the day my wife would just get ready and go. But she did. Or she'll ask if I'm going and I say NO and that's it no fight.

When you move out. Unless you want some serious mental ramifications to deal with think carefully before your DA. DA and DF are the same. You'll go through mental hell. It's just not worth it.

That's my two cents.

Best of luck.

Scully

You might want to say to your mother that you've got some issues that are really bothering you too much to be able to go to meetings right now. If she asks what they are, you can say "I'd really rather not discuss it with you. I know how hard you are trying to go back to meetings and I respect that, and I wouldn't want to discourage you by burdening you with these things. I'm happy that you want to go to meetings for yourself, because you feel it is the right thing for you to do. When I feel the same way, I'll gladly go back too. But please stop badgering me about it, because it only makes me feel worse."

Or, conversely, you could just say "I'm GAY." That would work too. (just kidding by the way)

Love, Scully

Introspection

You should do and say whatever you feel is appropriate. That may not sound very helpful, but no specific answer will be appropriate in all situations anyway.

I suppose you might want to consider whether you want to get into it and weigh things out and see if it's worth it given the amount of time you have left living with her. Of course, I don't recommend going super apostate on her all of the sudden, that will only make her defensive. You might just hold that awareness though and make it a point to question something that really sticks out as a sore thumb when the opportunity arises. Just leave it at an open question, and treat other things with the same open attitude, this way there's a better chance that she will be open to really consider the question when you bring it up. You might be tempted to draw the conclusion for her, but unlike the typical "bible study" where the "teacher" might eventually spell out the right answer for them, if you leave it open there's a better chance that something might actually change. Basically you're going only as far as she's willing to go, supporting her opening up rather than tearing her a new one, to draw a sharp contrast. You know, you might approach it kind of like service and make return visits on her, just don't let her see your notes if you should decide to take some.

A Paduan

Lies are lies, and no matter how much sugar coating the org puts on them, that's simply what they are - you can't be expected to swallow lies just because they're willing to put sugar coating on them all the time.

paduan

twinkletoes

Nickey

You won't be doing yourself or your family any favours by staying in the Org. and not standing by your principles. A saw a good bit of advice here a few days ago, - some-one (sorry can't remember who) said that some can make giant strides out of the org. others need to take baby steps (or words to that effect) perhaps in your case, those small baby steps, may be easier for all concerned.

Hope all goes well for you.

Twink

NoMoreJW

How about striking a deal with her? Agree to spend 2 hours at the meeting if she spends 2 hours reading this board? :)

Carmel

JW's are not alone in there almost universal approach to coercing people, especially their children and family into attending. Muslims in spite of Muhammed saying there should be no coersion in belief, resorted to many types of physical, emotional and economic leverage to gain adherents. Christians taught them from the Crusades on that violence was justified in religion. Religion should attract the heart by its values and its beatitudes. When it has to resort to coersion, it is in decline morally, ethically and likely doctrinally.

Take a hint, if a politician appeals to you for your vote by say in how honest he/she is, beware! Same with religion. When one tells you their religion is a work in progress and demonstrates it by leaving you to investigate reality by yourself, then you know you are on the path to honest enlightenment. Me thinks you are clearly on the way from your post.

Good luck,

carmel

Pistoff

I share your dilemma; I cannot stomach the lies they happily are letting the rank and file swallow, but it is too dangerous to tell the truth.

DO NOT tell them what you think; find some way to just NOT discuss it, be content to fade away, it is the only way you will save your mind and your family connections.

Sad but true.

Thinking of you

pistoff

Big Tex

You've got to stand up for what you believe in. You don't say how old you are, but sooner or later you've got to stand on your own. If you don't agree with the Witnesses, then say so. Don't go to please anyone. If it were me, and I felt as you do, I would not go.

However if you choose to do this, be prepared for the consequences. Your mother will certainly react as will the congregation. So think about this carefully before making a final decision.

Should I go to the meetings?

Share this