Help for a friend

Happy

Hello everyone,

I'm new here. I am not a witness, and i have never been one, but I have a very close friend who is a witness, and have done a LOT of reading about the WT and I am well aware of the many evils of their teachings. But I am not posting to insult the boys in Brooklyn. My friend that I mentioned earlier is currently a witness, and I am wondering if anybody has any idea how I can help her deal with her situation. Obviously she doesn't realize the problems, or doesn't want to admit them for fear of being disfellowshipped, yadda yadda yadda, and it wouldn't really be possible for her to leave the Witnesses, because everyone in her family and every one of her "true friends" are witnesses. (Sound familiar) We are both 16 yrs old by the way. I'm just wondering if you guys think I should try to do anything to help her. When i tried to show her the faulty teachings of the WT before, as you might expect, she became upset and defensive. Anyway, not a unique story here obviously, but I'm just wonderin if anyone has some words of wisdom. Anyhelp would be greatly appreciated.

Gig

You would think that approaching a JW with some truth would be fairly simple. Obviously they spend an inordinate amount of time talking about it. You care about her, that's great, but the odds are overwhelmingly against you. With her family in it you've got little chance. BUT, there's no reason not to promote yourself as a lover of the truth. Share when you're able to share, shut up when you know what's coming. Don't argue, they're trained for that. Study a bit on cognitive dissonance and then find a way to create it for your friend. You'll find lots of help here. Plant and water, let God give the increase.

Happy

Thanks for the words of support. About cognitive dissonance, i have read plenty about it, but, as you probably know, witnesses are well trained in how to react to "opposers of the truth" and "worldly people" The problem is they are usually aware of your intentions if you plan to help, and, as everyone knows, our "help" is simply another way for Satan the Devil to lure people to his system of things. I just don't know how to approach her without her defenses going up, and i don't wanna risk our friendship on it if I don't end up actually helping her in the end. Oh, what a dilemma this hideous cult has caused me. Oh by the way, Merry Christmas everyone. I hope I'm not offending anyone on this board who is still a witness. Oh wait, that's impossible, you'd be disfellowshipped for being here. hehe, good cheer to all.

searcher

Happy_guy

You might try just being a friend, then she will have at least one friend who is not a witness.

I would stay away from religious discussion, and just have a good time, this may show her that 'worldly' people are not what the org makes them out to be.

This, then, could lead to her asking questions.

As you have already seen, she will not listen untill the time comes when SHE has doubts.

searcher.

Double Edge

I'm in the same boat as you. I've never been a JW, but have a friend who is one. And your right, if you approach directly with 'negative' comments, they shut off for a few weeks and won't even talk about anything JW. I do an indirect approach. Several months ago, when the Dateline Show came out, there was a mainstream news article on the internet about Bill Bowan and Silentlambs and the fact that he was going to be disfellowship. I email my friend and said "is this true"? The friend took two days to respond. When they did, it was with a link to the official JW site, telling me to find out the "REAL" truth (yeah, right). I wrote back, I was talking about the paragraph where he was SHUNNED.....well that made my friend have to explain about shunning...it was embarrising for them, to say the least.

Happy

The JW's definately do have some trouble talking about their shunning policys. When I asked my friend about how their supposed to treat family members who are DF'd or DA'd she stammered and tried to reason away how the Bible teaches...... I won't bore you with the details. Of course, I asked her that question before I knew most of what i know now, and it really is stomach-turning. I find it shocking how so many people have been hurt by the Watchtower and yet the average witness is completely blind to what is being done to them.

Edited by - Happy_Guy_Of_Goodness on 22 December 2002 23:26:53

Jesika

Hi Happy and welcome to the board.

For being 16 you write very well. For never being a JW you have the lingo down.

As far as your friend, I agree with the other posters about just being a friend to her. Something may happen to her later in her life and for you to be there for her would show how loving a "worldly" person can be. JW's are very lacking when it comes to love, especially the unconditional kind.

Since she is underage, her parents choose her friends for her and if they hear of you trying to put "worldly" thoughts in her head, they will not allow you to talk with her anymore.

I wasn't able to have any friends that weren't JW, so be careful with what you say when it comes to religion. I would shy away from the topic if I were you.

Sorry I couldn't be of more help.

Jesika

Happy

Jesika,

I agree with absoloutely everything you said. Her parents do have a lot of influence on her, which is why I am no longer allowed in her house. When her and I first met, I was interested in the JW's, and that is probably why I was permitted to visit her at all.I'm almost certain her parents thought "Oh, a potential future brother, let's see how it goes". But once I realized the problems the WT was causing though, I (mistakenly) brought it up with my friend and that's when her and I stopped spending time together, except at school. While she claims she doesn't even see a difference I'm fairly sure her "true friends" or her parents had something to do with it. I sort of started rambling didn't I? haha. oh well. Oh, and thanks for the compliment :)

Edited by - Happy_Guy_Of_Goodness on 23 December 2002 0:58:41

Jesika

Well,

That was the only time I was able to see friends that weren't JW was in school.

Looks like her parents pulled her back away from you. You see, being a "worldly" person is bad enough, but being she is a girl and you are a "worldly" guy makes it 10x's worse!!!!

I wouldn't get my hopes up with keeping her as a friend other than at school. Sad, but it is true.

Jesika

I do hope I am wrong, but I doubt I am.

Happy

You're right. Me being a guy certainly did make it worse. And unfortunately you're also right about us not being close friends for long. Sadly, we are already well on our way down that road. Just out of curiousity, how long have you been away from the org? And also, if you don't mind me asking, why and how did you leave?

Help for a friend

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