question about "talking" to JW concer...

dryology

I've been dating a JW for almost 3 1/2 years - About a month ago I found out that 3 elders from my boyfriend's Kingdom Hall we're going to have a meeting with my boyfriend about dating me. When I asked why this meeting was going to take place, my boyfriend said that it was because he was dating someone who isn't a Jehovah's Witness. This really hurt me, and it hurt even more when I found out that they had already talked to him once before, and he did not tell me about it.

I'm worried that this will effect out relationship. I have serious desires to marry him but I'm sure that marriage outside of the relgion is frowned upon. I was in a way, quite offeded that they only wanted to talk to him and not also with me. Don't I have a say in any of this? Also, who are they to say what is correct in the eyes of God. They stick so firmly to the belief that humans are "imperfect." I find it kind of odd that an "imperfect" person knows that it right in someone elses personal life.

I have many more feelings on the issue,.. But can anyone add some light to this??

thanks

Utopian_Raindrops

Hi dryology

1st let me say that if the elders already spoke to your boyfriend b4 and he is still with you....well I don't think you will loose him!

There are alot of things in the JW community that realy are rigid and incorrect. But, for many It is away of life they grew up with and they choose this as thier community.....calling themselves"Jehovah's People".

Many realy feel this and even when they know certain beliefs are not so.....or certain people are unbarable they choose to stay.

Your boyfriend loves you this is obvious. Still also he must love the JW way of life or he would have left sometime during his 3 1/2 years with you.

My advice to you is scince you wish to marry a man who probly will never give up this "Religion"....is to just read the mags and books with a grounded mind....so as not to get caught up in it......so you know whwre he is coming from and what is going on.....like this little elder visit.

The more you know....the more you have to defend your relationship with your guy......especially if you marry him.

For instance....some in the bible such as Esau and Moses married women whowere not considered Jehovah's people. Ruth was married to an Isralite and Rehab helped the isrealite spies and is in the line of Our Savior Christ Jesus.

There is a saying KNOWLEDGE Is POWER. The more you know about your boyfriend's faith....the more secure your relationship will be.

There are articles that although discurage marrage to a non-JW also point out that it is not a Disfellowshipping offence.

If you gather all this information you will be helping your guy to have a smoother time keeping his chosen faith and his chosen wife.

I do know that self rightious elders can make things hard but, if you and your intended are armed with love, the bible and(Unfortunately) the liturature...you both should make it for ever after.

A friend of mine married his "worldly" gurl and they are extreemly happy! She will not be presured and he will not allow her to be presured. Now and again she attends meetings with him just to be by his side. They are one of the loveliest couples I know! So made for each other!

I hope what I have said has helped you at least some.

Agape,

Utopian_Raindrops

Smiles

dryology,

Smiles

dryology,

As Utopian_Raindrops said, marrying or even dating an "unbeliever" is not something a JW can be excommunicated for. An "unbeliever" being someone who is not a baptized JW or not preaching door to door with them.

If a baptized JW does date or marry an "unbeliever" they will be given trouble by the Elders and even other JWs. There may be a discourse given from the stage to the congregation reminding everyone there that dating and marrying an "unbeliever" is bad. They will read the scripture in the Bible at 1 Corinthians 7:39 that says a person is free to marry whoever they want, but " only in the Lord." Which JWs interpret to mean ONLY another JW. And they will read the scripture at 2 Corinthians 6:14,15 that says, " Do not become unevenly yoked with unbelievers. For what fellowship do righteousness and lawlessness have? Or what sharing does light have with darkness? Further, what harmony is there between Christ and Be'lial? Or what portion does a faithful person have with an unbeliever?"

If the Elder give that discourse it will let everyone know that someone in their congregation is dating or going to marry an "unbeliever", basically humiliating the JW who is dating or going to marry an "unbeliever".

The Elders will probably want to know if your boyfriend and you have been sexual with each other in ANY way, shape or form. And that would be something that your boyfriend could be excommunicated for.

If your boyfriend wants things to get better, he will either have to stop dating you, which I don't think he will. OR you will have to start studying the Bible with the JWs and work toward becoming a JW. Then the JWs will have to begin to, more or less, accept you, because you might just join them and they would not want to offend someone who is interested in their religion.

But, you and your boyfriend could just GET MARRIED. And in time the JWs will probably back off your boyfriend. They may even get used to your marriage and start to do things with you and him hoping that you will eventually become a JW so that you and him will be two happy little JWs together.

Or, at least, call the JWs or drive to where they have their meetings and personally ask the Elders there why the heck they don't want your boyfriend to date or marry you. LOL

Let us know what happens.

Edited by - Smiles on 20 December 2002 1:33:52

concerned mama

Welcome to the board, dryology,

This is an interesting topic, and I have also been interested in what the official position is and what articles are in the Watchtower or other publications about mixed marriages. I have had debates with someone about it, and I really didn't have any documentation.

Out of curiosity, how old are both of you, and how do your respective families treat treat you , your boyfriend and your relationship?

concerned mama

Silverleaf

Hello dryology, [interesting name btw],

The fact that you've been with your boyfriend for so long seems to show that his congregation and his family aren't taking the hardest line on the issue. However I think if you were to seriously discuss marriage you may find they will increase the pressure on him to break off the relationship.

I dated a JW many years ago and though it was only for a relatively short time his friends in the congregation were horrible about it. The emotional blackmail they used on him was outrageous. His own family was not in the 'truth' but he thought of his congregation as his new family and their opinions mattered more than those of his relatives. Because I decided very early on that the religion was not something I could believe in, I was treated badly by his 'friends' also. The relationship could not survive the pressure and though I was devastated at the time, I realize now the best decision I ever made was to end the relationship. We've both since married others and after joining this group and reading the horror stories people tell about being involved with the WBTS, I've come to realize I would have been miserable if I had tried to keep the relationship together.

I wish you luck, if your boyfriend can withstand the pressure from elders [and possibly family and friends] he may one day be able to leave the religion, but as long as he is in it, you will have to face problems like this.

Silverleaf

link

Hello dryology.

Just want to give you some positive info on your problem.

I have never been a JW and I married my wife seven years ago even though she had been a hard line dub for 25 years. I would say straight away that it has never presented any problem for either of us and we are very happy together.

However she is a very strong person and takes no rubbish from the Elders or others in her congregation, in fact they are scared of her.

You have been given some very good advice in this thread. As someone who has "been there" I would suggest that as long as you do not try and overtly try and split your b/f from his religion at this point, you should not have a problem. A lot depends on his personality as to how he handles it and how the Elders handle him.

link

Edited by - link on 20 December 2002 9:16:17

Elsewhere

who are they to say what is correct in the eyes of God. They stick so firmly to the belief that humans are "imperfect." I find it kind of odd that an "imperfect" person knows that it right in someone elses personal life

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Nickey

I've been a JW and am still dating my boyfriend who isn't a JW. I've been frowned upon for doing it and it was hard. So I'm sure he's feeling the stress of it. It isn't easy. Him still sticking with you is enough proof that he really loves you. They have no right to tell anybody who they can and can't be with.

jgnat

Ever heard the phrase, "know thy enemy"? That applies here. The WTS could become the wedge betwee you two, if you let it. It sounds like your fella is committed to you, so have a good talk with him and establish how firm is his resolve to remain with you. If he is solid, you have a keeper. Don't expect the WTS to make sense. It is a wacky religion, and it damages people's lives. It will never treat you as an equal. Never. Find out as much as you can about your "enemy", so you won't be blindsided by their poor behavior again.

question about "talking" to JW concer...

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