Village Idiot, I would go to the doctors straight away but I've had many bad experiences with medications and now I'm afraid to try new ones
I get that, I had a disastrous experience with Cymbalta. But there are a lot of non pharmaceutical treatments for depression. These are some things that have helped me.
Meditation. I always recommend meditation. It's free, easy and scientifically proven to help with depression and anxiety. Set a goal to meditate every day for at least five minutes. There are a lot of ways to meditate, so try different things until you find one that works. As a start, do this quickie version anytime you start to feel anxious: close you eyes, and open your mouth slightly (this makes sure you are not clenching your jaw). Breath in slowly for a count of eight seconds (one thousand one, one thousand two....) . Hold that breath for eight seconds, then slowly breath out for eight seconds. Repeat as many times as needed. You will start to feel a tiny bit better immediately. Controlling your breathing is a way to control your emotions and your mind.
Journaling. Start a journal, sit down every day and write three pages. It doesn't matter what you write, just put down everything in your head. If you are concerned with anyone finding your journal, tear the pages up and flush them down the toilet when you are done, it is the process that is important, not the result. The process of writing your thoughts helps you tap into your inner self. Julia Cameron wrote a book called The Artists Way, in which she recommended this to help people to release their creative potential. It's like cleaning a clogged pipe, the good stuff can't get through until you get rid of the junk.
Exercise. If you aren't exercising, try talking a walk every day. Physical exercise is helpful with treating depression and anxiety, exposure to sunlight also helps.
Goal setting. Visualize your perfect life. Think about it, how it would feel, what you would be doing. Then start by setting small, attainable goals to get you to that life. They recently did a study about people that were realistic about their potential versus people that were overly optimistic about it. The unrealistic, overly optimistic people achieved more. They didn't reach what they saw as their potential, but they achieved more than the realists. So, fool yourself a little, dream big.
Banish negative thoughts. Many people with a tendency to depression have negative thought loops going on in their heads. You may think things like "I can never be happy, "I'm a failure, "life sucks", etc. Stop yourself and replace those thoughts with better ones. For example, if you make a mistake, instead of saying " I can't do anything right", say "I made a mistake, but I will learn from that and get better", "I will get through this because I am strong", " It's OK to makes mistakes, that's how you learn".
Confide in a friend. Find the most supportive person in your life and ask them to help you by just listening. If there is no one in your life who you feel comfortable with, message me, or another person here on the JWN. We are here to help. My own daughter had mental health issues as a teen, so really, nothing you could say would shock me, been there done that, got the t-shirt.
Show gratitude. Your life may be very difficult right now, but you also have some good things. Be grateful every day for the things you do have. If you are basically healthy, be thankful, many are not. Do you have friends or a beloved pet? Some people in the world have no home, or are in a war torn country, or don't have enough to eat or medical care. This is not to minimize your struggles, but sometimes gratitude turns what we have into enough.
I hope this helps, they are all lessons I learned the hard way. Take care of yourself and let us know how you are doing