Im feeling depressed

by BlackWolf 20 Replies latest jw experiences

  • BlackWolf

    Well its been a while since I've posted on here but I guess I just need someone to talk to. I've recently turned 16 and I guess life is just starting to hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm still not sure what I want to do with my life. I've considered trying to go to art school but I just don't see how that is possible because I haven't really had much of a high school education. My parents supposedly homeschool me but actually they don't really teach me anything. I try to teach myself some things but I've really just been lacking self motivation lately. My parents still don't know that I don't want to be a jw and I don't know if I should tell them or not. I really do love my parents and I think they are good people that have just been misguided. I don't want to dissapoint them but at the same time I feel as though my whole life has been a lie. I don't have any friends and I feel lost and empty. Ive had an eating disorder for quite some time and it seems to be getting worse lately. I just don't have the motivation to eat or really do anything anymore. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy but I'm too afraid to tell my parents because I know they will just send me right back to the mental hospital. What should I do?

  • FayeDunaway
    I feel for you and your situation. I would say, try to see if you can sign up for any community activities or classes. You are probably driving soon, right? This will give you some independence that you really need. Are you working at getting your GED or high school equivalent? Make sure you get it. You can go to junior college with it and go whichever direction you want. Try to get a job now, too. You are all holed up at home. Try to get out, and you are at the perfect age to be able to do that. Be an advocate for yourself. You don't have to tell your parents yet how you feel about being a JW, but naturally at this time of your life it's time to get driving, get out of the house, get a part time job while finishing up home schooling (can you tell your parents you want to go to public?? That would be even better.) Don't be scared. Embrace life now as much as you can.
  • freemindfade

    Nothing is more valuable than self education, with a good self education you can make the most of the formal education. Formal will make you a living, self will make you a fortune.

    Life is scary and that is good, learn, grow, progress.

    What do you love? not for work, but what are you excited to talk about? Aligning your passions with your career is something a lot of us raised in never were encouraged to do, you are young and have a chance to do it.

  • clarity

    BlackWolf ....16 is a difficult age, you are expected to be mature when really at 16 how much experience do we have? Not much. Sounds normal so far. The biggest problem is being programmed by a cult! They try to control every aspect of our lives. Congratulations on waking up as far as you have. You are doing very well. Gather your thoughts, get organized and take one thing at a time ......and do some creative thing to expand your horizons. Don't rush ....Armageddon is not coming. Research...goggle is your friend Sending you a huge hug!

  • BlackWolf
    Thank you all for your advice :)
  • Giordano

    Good advice from Faye.

    Getting a GED will push you to study up on the basics and fill in any gaps.

    My wife I after leaving the JW world in our early 20's had one piss ass HS diploma between us and four years of pioneering. We both worked at a few different jobs and then actually became artists......self taught.

    For the next 30 years that's how we made our living me as a photographer her as a mixed media artist.

    Art is one of those quirky areas where an art education is generally attained so one can teach. Great artists and good artists however are generally self taught.

    Here's A great book called Art and Fear: It talks about the mental process it's very readable.....check it out.

    While you trying to figure things out for yourself look around for an apprentice job say in a welding/machine shop....... you'd be the one with the broom in your hand but also the one who may be shown how learn how to weld. A lot of sculptors need to know how to weld.

    Or look for a Potter in your area same deal you start learning about ceramics while you are poorly paid LOL.

    The whole apprentice thing is very popular in different parts of the world here in the USA it's often the first step to a good paying job or career.

    Get on line and check out all of the of apprentice jobs, specialized training etc.

    P.S. The witness thing is wacked but your probably going to need to put up with it for a while longer. Stay out of trouble, keep away from drugs and booze...... treat the ladies with respect. Don't date a serious witness LOL!

  • LisaRose

    I am so sorry you feel that way. I think you need to talk to your parents. If not about not wanting to be a JW then about the other things. Also, seeing a counselor would really help you to sort through things. You are at a tough age, a lot of kids go through this, mine included, but they got better and now have good lives and you could too.

    Don't give up on art school, it's possible even if you don't have a complete education yet. There are free classes on line you can take. Write down your goals and then figure out one or two small things to get started on. I know it's hard when you are so depressed, but try to find the energy to at least tackle one small step toward your goals, it will help you feel better and more in control of your situation.

    But it's really, really important to find a caring adult to talk to. You parents might be a little upset at first, but they will get over it, and they would want to know that you are suffering. If you can't talk to them, then find another, non JW, person to talk to. Grandparent, aunt, neighbor. There are probably teen hotlines for depression if you look around. The important thing is to take that first step. You are important, your feelings are important, insist on getting whatever help you need to get through this.

    It may seem hopeless right now, but it is not. You will get through this and will have an amazing life.

  • BlackWolf
    Thanks everyone. I know you don't have to go to art school to be good at art. I think I draw decently and I've never taken classes. Also BTW I'm a girl.
  • StarTrekAngel
    Try and build a support network around you, especially after you start driving around. Do please make sure you don't start hanging out with the wrong crowd. If you get hit by life, it will do nothing but to prove your JW side right and you will be right back at the cult. Make friends that somewhat resemble that "worldly" person you would have liked to be. If you want a career, try to make friends with those that get good grades, if you want to be a social butterfly, hang out with those that have that tendency. At the same time, do not concentrate in just one group, diversify but emphasize.
  • troubled mind
    troubled mind

    Hi Blackwolf !

    Education is your key !

    Do your parents have you enrolled in any home school programs ? Can you look into community classes such as for GED .

    My daughter in law was in a similar situation growing up .Her JW Mother was suppose to be home schooling her children ,but she taught them nothing . My DIL had to teach herself to read ,she has always had a thirst to learn . Her dream was to one day go to College ,but she never could imagine it would ever happen .

    She was very fearful that others would think she was to different . But you know what ? She got her GED ,worked a couple of years then applied to a community college . She was honest about her background and her fears which opened up so much support from teachers and guidance personnel . Her freshman year she was asked to speak at the commencement ceremony at the end of the year . She now has transferred to work on her Bachelor Degree in Biology at a major University .

    Growing up a Witness seems to squash dreams ,but you don't have to allow that to happen . You do have to become motivated for yourself ! No one can do it for you ,but there are plenty of people out there that will cheer you on .

    Empower yourself . Do not let fear hold you back . If I can give you any practical advice it would be this : Speak to you parents in a cool ,calm manner clearly explaining what you want for your future . Ask them to support you in your goals .At least you will know clearly if they will be a help or a hindrance to your future .

    Good luck Blackwolf, I hope the best for you .

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