What does Hannibal Lector call a Jehovah's Witness? Free delivery!
- Jay Leno
Entering into Heaven/ParadiseA man arrives at the gates of heaven. The Archangel asks, "Religion?"
The man says, "Methodist."
The Archangel looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?"
"Baptist."
"Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?"
"Jewish."
"Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
The man says, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?"
The Archangel tells him, "Well, the Jehovah's Witnesses are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here."
10. If you feel that death is much more important than birth, you might be a JW.
9.If you think Circuit and District Overseers stay in cheap hotels or the drafty homes of common neighborhood folk during conventions, you are a JW.
8. If you eat turkey on Thanksgiving and feel guilty about it but insist that it is only because they were "on sale", you are a JW.
7.If you have awful dreams about getting caught holding someone else's cigarette and no one will believe you that it's not yours, you're probably a JW.
6.If you have a child that is 3 years old that sits quietly for hours at a time while adults discuss mind numbingly boring topics around him, and you brag about him to all your friends... you might as well get a saddle for him and ride him because you broke his spirit and he is no longer a child. And you might be a Jehovah's Witness.
5.If you believe that God ignored everyone for nearly 2,000 years, then suddenly gave His truth to a man who sat around drawing pictures and plans of pyramids, you must be a JW.
4. If you insist in calling the New Testament the Greek Scriptures, you might be a JW.
3.If you've spent days at a baseball stadium and never saw a ball and didn't even have a beer, you might be a JW.
2. If you can have a Bible study without a Bible, you might be a JW.
and the number one sign that you are might be a JW(drumroll please)
1.If you have costume parties for the "young ones" within a month of Halloween, and, if you wrap presents in brown paper to give each other on "Family Gift Day", you are not only a JW, but a Worldly Wannabe and aren't fooling anybody.