Believers, why does God need your flattery?

by IronGland 51 Replies latest jw friends

  • funkyderek
    funkyderek
    God doesn't punish us, simply, we are eternally seperated from him.

    That's cool. I'm separated from him now, and I'm getting on just fine. Didn't realise your god gave everyone a completely free choice. I can happily live with God being eternally absent.

  • rem
    rem

    Exodus 10 26 Our livestock too must go with us; not a hoof is to be left behind. We have to use some of them in worshiping the LORD our God, and until we get there we will not know what we are to use to worship the LORD ."

    Exodus 23 25 Worship the LORD your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you,

    Exodus 34 14 Do not worship any other god, for the LORD , whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God.

    Numbers 25 3 So Israel joined in worshiping the Baal of Peor. And the LORD's anger burned against them.

    Deuteronomy 8 19 If you ever forget the LORD your God and follow other gods and worship and bow down to them, I testify against you today that you will surely be destroyed.

    Deuteronomy 12 31 You must not worship the LORD your God in their way, because in worshiping their gods, they do all kinds of detestable things the LORD hates. They even burn their sons and daughters in the fire as sacrifices to their gods.
    (This scripture cracks me up. Jehovah accepts child sacrifice as well: Jeptha's daughter, Abraham's son Isaac, his own son, Jesus)

    Joshua 22 27 On the contrary, it is to be a witness between us and you and the generations that follow, that we will worship the LORD at his sanctuary with our burnt offerings, sacrifices and fellowship offerings. Then in the future your descendants will not be able to say to ours, 'You have no share in the LORD .'

    2 Kings 17 25 When they first lived there, they did not worship the LORD ; so he sent lions among them and they killed some of the people.

    2 Kings 17 36 But the LORD , who brought you up out of Egypt with mighty power and outstretched arm, is the one you must worship. To him you shall bow down and to him offer sacrifices.

    1 Chronicles 16 29 ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name.
    Bring an offering and come before him;
    worship the LORD in the splendor of his [1] holiness.

    2 Chronicles 29 28 The whole assembly bowed in worship, while the singers sang and the trumpeters played. All this continued until the sacrifice of the burnt offering was completed.

    Psalm 96 9 Worship the LORD in the splendor of his [1] holiness;
    tremble before him, all the earth.

    Isaiah 19 21 So the LORD will make himself known to the Egyptians, and in that day they will acknowledge the LORD . They will worship with sacrifices and grain offerings; they will make vows to the LORD and keep them.

    Romans 12
    1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual [1] act of worship.

    Revelation 4 9 Whenever the living creatures give glory, honor and thanks to him who sits on the throne and who lives for ever and ever, 10 the twenty-four elders fall down before him who sits on the throne, and worship him who lives for ever and ever. They lay their crowns before the throne and say:
    11 "You are worthy, our Lord and God,
    to receive glory and honor and power,
    for you created all things,
    and by your will they were created
    and have their being."

    Revelation 14 7 He said in a loud voice, "Fear God and give him glory, because the hour of his judgment has come. Worship him who made the heavens, the earth, the sea and the springs of water."

    rem

    Edited by - rem on 17 December 2002 22:37:57

  • funkyderek
    funkyderek

    Thanks rem, I was too lazy to do that

  • Realist
    Realist

    it never ceases to amaze me how anyone can possibly believe that the bible (old testament) is inspired by anyone higher than a moron...its such a bunch off BS. mindless, idiotic drivel from an ancient primitiv civilization....nothing more nothing less.

    come on...the oh so wise stories are at best of the quality of grim's fairy-tales.

  • IronGland
    IronGland

    I agree Realist, It reminds me of this:

    MONTGOMERY, ALA controversial new bill pending before the Alabama Legislature has deeply divided the state along theological lines, sending right-wing fundamentalist Aesopians into an uproar. HR 1604, if passed, would broaden nutritional guidelines used in the state's school-lunch program, permitting a wider variety of fruits and vegetables to be served, including grapes, the consumption of which is a sin according to Aesopian doctrine.

    Above: Members of the First Universal Church Of Aesop.

    "The state of Alabama is trying to bully us into submission," said Herman Bray, Pastor of the First Universal Church Of Aesop in Huntsville. "They're trying to rob us of our most cherished beliefs and send our children the message that grapes are acceptable for eating."

    Clutching a worn, leather-bound copy of Aesop's Parables, Bray explained his congregation's strict opposition to the law.

    "The Holy Writ of Aesop makes it plain that the fox, in his anger at the unreachable grapes, cursed the offending fruit and made all grapes sour forever," Bray said. "It is common senseand a core belief of the Church Of Aesopthat this is a directive from Aesop Himself against grape consumption. Grapes are plainly exposed as a foul, sour-tasting fruit which dirties both body and soul, and this is a strict tenet of our dietary code." Alabama Aesopians are threatening to take their children out of school if the bill becomes law.

    Above: A page from the Aesop scriptures.

    "Our beliefs and history have been laughed off by the secular media as fiction, as 'fables,'" Bray continued. "But the fox-and-the-grapes incident is not just some fantasy concocted by the Aesopian Right. Our research has determined that it most likely occurred between 605 and 602 B.C.E. in the province of Phrygia, was witnessed by a young Aesop and ultimately recorded in what became the Holy Book of Aesopians. Our church's archaeological and historical data all confirm the details recorded in the Aesop account."

    The Aesopians' claims have provoked strong reaction among academics. "They think what? That this is a directive not to eat grapes?" asked Darrin Schmidt, professor of folklore and mythology at NYU. "The whole point of the story is that the grapes aren't sour at all. I think that's pretty unambiguous." Bray dismissed Schmidt's comments as "heretical anti-Aesopian hate speech."

    Curtis Milner, president of the Birmingham-based Aesopian Coalition, said his organization is prepared to go all the way to the Supreme Court if Alabama passes what he calls "an openly hostile, blatantly anti-Aesopian piece of legislation."

    "These lawmakers are attacking our most closely held beliefs," Milner said. "Not only is it disrespectful; it is a clear violation of the Constitution of this land."

    According to Milner, the beliefs of the Aesopians are simple and direct. "We honor the courage and the noble sacrifice of Aesop, who gave His life to educate the world, not backing down even to the day of His execution by the wicked Athenian despot Peisistratus," Milner said. "That event, though tragic on the surface, was actually a day of exhilarating triumph over evil, for as a result of it, the histories painstakingly recorded by Aesop gained immortality."

    "He died for us all," Milner added.

  • Realist
    Realist

    LOL

    is this a joke or for real???????

  • IronGland
    IronGland

    It's a parody from TheOnion

  • nakedmvistar
    nakedmvistar

    and then, and then....

  • rem
    rem
    "There are no atheists in hospital beds"

    Huh?

    rem

  • nakedmvistar
    nakedmvistar

    Don't even start with me today, rem!

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