Double life....

by kelsey007 15 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  kelsey007

  At some point most all ex-jws lived a double life within the organization. Whatever happened to make each of us change our views toward the religion few went straight to the elders and spoke openly and candidly about their feelings. We put on the act for a while before we stopped going or got caught in our evil deeds or thoughts and were removed. For those who just drifted away- as they say- they still lived in fear- at least for a time- of being seen going into the bar or smoking the cig. Excuses were made: "Oh I have just been sooo busy or sick or out of town".

  For the "drift aways" they still do not want to honestly deal with the decision they made- To me this proves the power of the WT organization- "Fear of Man". What will I say to the elders when they come knocking? How will mom react?

  Will my sister disown me?

  Are these legitimate reasons to live a double life? Is the fear of "what others will think" and"how will they react" a good reason to perputrate a fraud?

  Isnt a person much happier and healthier when they stand up and speak honestly about their feelings on such a matter?

  Most of us here were jw's and we know well that when someone hasnt been to a meeting for a long time they were "marked". A jw in good standing would never associate closely with such a person.

  IMHO it is the same fear of man that kept us trapped in the organization to begin with that promotes the willingness to be dishonest-

  A true fear of a loving god would never promote such a willingness to be dishonest.

  Edited by - kelsey007 on 12 December 2002 3:34:4
• 

  Undecided

  Very well stated and so true for most of the fade aways.

  Ken P.
• 

  onacruse

  "At man's core there is a voice that wants him never to give in to fear. But if it is true that in general man cannot give in to fear, at the very least he postpones indefinitely the moment when he will have to confront himself with the object of his fear . . . when he will no longer have the assistance of reason as guaranteed by God, or when he will no longer have the assistance of God such as reason guaranteed. It is necessary to recoil, but it is necessary to leap, and perhaps one only recoils in order to leap better."
  Georges Bataille
• 

  kelsey007

  What a laugh! Recently I was told by a fellow board member to "get over it"! Just wanted to share silent lambs headlined (on their web site) nitwit quote:

  Quoted:	Ray Franz - Former Watchtower Governing Body Member
  Quote:	As I have stated, during my 40 years of Witness membership any cases of child molestation never came to my attention. During my 9 years on the Governing Body and my years on the Service Committee of the Governing Body, the issue was not presented

  Who needs to "get over it"? What a riot- After BB said he made peace with Ray Franz he throws another blind shot at the man! LOL
• 

  Rogue_Protecter

  Most of us here were jw's and we know well that when someone hasnt been to a meeting for a long time they were "marked". A jw in good standing would never associate closely with such a person.

  IMHO I believe for some of us it is easier to be marked than disassociated or dfed..atleast we know our family will still associate with us and children if we have them...

  Isnt a person much happier and healthier when they stand up and speak honestly about their feelings on such a matter?

  You never know..I have not been attending for years for many reasons..alot of lil things that didn't make since to me..But it wasn't till the last 6 months that I sat down and look at it head on and discovered why I felt that way..so if i was approached before i would have been wishy washy and probably lied..

  IMHO it is the same fear of man that kept us trapped in the organization to begin with that promotes the willingness to be dishonest-

  A true fear of a loving god would never promote such a willingness to be dishonest.

  You seem to over look for some people that still have the JW mentality or aren't sure of how they really feel they are not fearing man..there fearing GOD because he chise these men to shepard his flocks and if you go against them then you are against GOD..and we know

  Well after seeing some of the garbage being pulled by the moderaters over there and the way BB is lording and preaching that isnt a big surprise...I still support what he does and thing its great and respect his work ( wanted to get that out real quick before the yelling started..
• 

  Brummie

  Isnt a person much happier and healthier when they stand up and speak honestly about their feelings on such a matter?

  Are these legitimate reasons to live a double life?

  Great post kesley, the way I see it JWs have never been taught how to be congruent and dont know how to speak honestly about their feelings. They wear a plastic smile, always taught that any problem with the Org is their fault, to express any true feelings is called "arrogant" or "Pride" and will result in Jehovah "humbling" them, best just to deny the problems. They are moulded into being an "ideal person" by conditions of worth and never become the actual person they are. Everyday of their lives is based on conditional acceptance, do as we do or die.

  All this leads to a carboard cut out of an ideal JW. The real feelings are only discovered when the conditions of worth are removed. When a JW is accepted unconditionaly for who he/she is, when they can say how they really feel and dont have to pretend to be "super spiritual" everday. When they can express reservations without being "marked" and when they can disagree and make up their own minds on issues.

  Unfortunately that kind of acceptance, happiness and health will never be attained within that disgusting selfish organisation, they will remain unhappily living their life being someone else until the deprogramming excersise has reached its full potential. Then they will be free, until then they have the above legitimate reasons to be totally confused and living a double life.

  brummie
• 

  Kingpawn

  Are these legitimate reasons to live a double life? Is the fear of "what others will think" and"how will they react" a good reason to perputrate a fraud?

  May not always have a choice. Suppose you and another active JW are in business together. If you voice your doubts you'll be shunned. So maybe the active JW would see it as his duty to pull out of the business, and it tanks. But if that will bring more harm to you then it will to him and both of you know it...same if he supplies something critical to the business. Knowledge, skills, experience, whatever.

  Maybe the stress of a double life isn't as bad as the stress of feeling out of God's favor and having there's nowhere else to go. Either way there's going to be damage.

  Isnt a person much happier and healthier when they stand up and speak honestly about their feelings on such a matter?

  Healthier, yes. Happier, not always...or maybe not for the short term. That could apply to "healthier" too.
• 

  scootergirl

  Isnt a person much happier and healthier when they stand up and speak honestly about their feelings on such a matter?

  I can't speak for anyone else, but for me......that is a yes. I will not and did not lead a double life. Being true to myself was/is very important. Unfortunately, my honestly brings/brought many consequences that I have learned to live with. But in the end, being able to live with myself was more important.
• 

  NeonMadman

  For the "drift aways" they still do not want to honestly deal with the decision they made-

  Not true. I "drifted away", in the sense that I just stopped going to meetings over a period of time. I knew, long before I stopped going, that it wasn't the truth, and that I wanted to keep my family together, so I never made a final break, as I would have had I been single. So I guess you could say that I lived a double life for a while, in a sense.

  But it sounds to me like you're saying that anyone who decides to leave has an obligation to confront the elders about his/her decision, and let the chips fall where they may. That's absurd. If you have decided that you no longer believe in a religion, why would you still follow its procedures and policies in order to leave? If you belong to a church, and decide you don't like it any more, you simply start to go elsewhere. After you don't show up or participate in any way for a few years, they'll probably get the message, and drop you from the rolls. And if they don't, who cares? You know you're not involved with them any more, if they insist on keeping your name on their books, it's no skin off your nose. Right now, I attend a Baptist church. If I decided I didn't like what was going on there, I wouldn't confront the pastor; I wouldn't send out a letter informing them of my decision; I wouldn't create any commotion at all - they just wouldn't see me there any more. Why should it be so different for those leaving the JW's?

  But the Witnesses drill into your head that everything has to be done "officially," by their organizational rules. If you belong to a church before you become a JW, they make you write a letter resigning from the church. If you decide you don't want to be a JW anymore, they tell you that you have to notify the congregation of that through a disassociation letter. And why? So that they can apply their hateful, unscriptural shunning doctrine to you.

  So I ask again, if you're leaving, why would you want to play by their rules? Why would you want to set yourself up to be shunned, if you no longer believe that they have any authority to impose that upon you? They are a false religion. Their rules, policies and procedures mean nothing. Once you realize this, they have no authority over you, unless you continue to give it to them. If you do that, then you probably haven't broken completely free from their mind control.
• 

  scootergirl

  My decision wasn't about following the rules of a church but being honest with my family. Granted, my family has no business knowing everything that I do in my life, but as regards to a major life change in regards to beliefs (especially when parents continue to preach the "truth" ) I needed to be honest. For me, I couldn't idly sit by and listen and keep my beliefs and comments to myself.

  But that is me......and my course of actions certainly isn't right for every person. To each their own. When I left, I admit, I could have handled things differenty. Let's just say, everyone heard the door slam when I left. The years have mellowed me out some and I would probably handle things a little more gentler than I did at age 18.....but still, it is a decision that I never regret. Granted, I suffered a lot of immediate pain, but in the long run, my life is much sweeter than if I had kept quiet.

  Standing up for what I believed was right gave me a sense of integrity. I know that I can handle anything that comes my way and am no longer afraid to speak my mind and express my convictions. And, I want nothing to do with such an organization. Nothing.

  Guess I am a no-nonsense kind of person. What you see is what you get. Open and honest.....and very selfish (in a good way ) I teach my children to be the same way.

  Edited by - scootergirl on 12 December 2002 10:27:58