Need to help my Mother

by LostinSpace 13 Replies latest jw friends

  • Shakita
    Shakita

    Hi lostinspace:

    You are not alone. Many people here have family members who are still JW's. They are JW's be choice. Even though they know that the org. is wrong on alot of issues, they choose to stay because they are comfortable. They don't want to disturb the place that they have made, they don't want to rock their own little boat. It doesn't mean that they love their families members any less. They are used to being told what to do, what to think, and what to feel. The org. has had a lot of time to perfect their control measures on the group as a whole. To exit the group, is to leave everything you find right with life. I have family members still in who I love deeply, but I accept that they choose to stay with the org. for now. I have spoke with them about what I know, but they don't want to rock their boat. I will have to deal with that.

    I suggest that you take your time with your Mom. Just having a relationship where you two can talk openingly is a great thing. That way when your Mom has problems with the org.(and everyone does) she can come to you to talk things out. Maybe, little by little, you can help her see what the org. really is, a very wealthy publishing company.

    Take care.

    Mrs. Shakita

  • link
    link

    LostinSpace

    Sorry if my previous post was a bit misleading. I did not mean that you would have to do a lot of research into Witness related material, what I meant was that the research needs to be into why your Mom needs them. At least in the first instance.

    This could well involve going back into her childhood to get an idea of who or what might have been a serious influence on her at some time in the past. This is not difficult to do. All you need to say is that you are interested in the history of your family and would like her to tell you all she can remember of her childhood.

    It does take a bit of intelligence to work out from what she tells you what might have had an effect on her in later life but you should be able to find some resources to help you once you have as much information as you can get from her.

    This is the first step. Once you have an idea of why she is where she is you will have some idea as to what aspects of the religion are the most likely vulnerable points..

    It is at this stage that you might have to do some study of Witness related material and this would be in order to find the most suitable approach to use in your Moms case.

    The two problems that you could have if you do not make a plan of this type are (1) you may waste resources in an area that is not sensitive for her and will achieve nothing, or even worse (2) Unsuspectingly hit a nerve that will only drive her in the wrong direction.

    Give it lots of thought

    link

  • Gig
    Gig

    The biggest advantage you have is the fact that unconditional love is MUCH stronger than conditional love. Do everything with pure love and you will win. Your patience will be tested but you should never argue...they are well trained for that. You should be familiar with their doctrines and their favorite 'supporting' scriptures, but that is not the place to start. She has to have her own reasons to question their interpretations and authority and that will take time, probably LOTS of time. Don't ever give up, you really do have the truth on your side. Make sure you understand not so much what she believes, but why she believes it. Help her draw the line between the WTS and God Himself.

    I am also one of those who is thankful to have the friends here to help, and am also trying to help someone 'out'.

    Gig

  • acsot
    acsot

    Check out my post of about a week ago: (I copied it 'cause I don't know how to do that link thing).

    Okay, my mom is elderly (80 yrs. old) and not able to get to all the meetings like she used to (which is definitely a plus for me! BTW shes living with me now, since last spring, cause shes not able to keep up with things anymore).

    Anyway, she was the faithful sister who never missed a meeting type, plowing through sleet and snow in service and to the meetings. Old age has perhaps given her a different perspective on life in the truth. So Im wondering what, if anything, I should bring up about the WTS or doctrines or whatever. She has angina and I dont want to be responsible for her taking her last breath on this planet by saying too much too soon. However, she has let slip a couple of things about some elders in a previous congregation which indicated that she was becoming annoyed and perhaps bitter at the way things are run in the "truth". Stuff like if theyre going to be the princes in the new system I dont want to be there. Amen to that I think to myself.

    Anyhow, a couple of nights ago were watching the news a documentary about Canadas health care system and a report thats to be released which will recommend changes to ensure we maintain our universal health care. They show an elderly woman who cant get home care. I mention poor Sister Generous.

    As background info, this Sister Generous is my mothers very good friend, who owned property, had investments and was always extremely hospitable and basically gave away all her money to the Watchtower Society, under the belief that he or she who sows generously will reap generously. So now that she needs almost full-time care she ends up sharing a tiny room with another elderly woman in a long-term care facility, with only an old television to keep her company. Hardly any visitors except for two sisters who have taken it upon themselves to help her when they can (BTW, these two sisters are themselves ill diabetic, alcoholic husbands, other health problems. Perhaps thats why they sympathize with the elderly, I dont think it has anything to do with the Watchtower teachings about taking care of others oh yeah, I forgot, there are no Watchtower teachings about taking care of others.)

    Okay, back to my mom. I say: its really a shame to see how Sister Generous has ended up, when she had so much money. She probably could have kept her independence, lived in a small apartment and paid for extra nursing help if she had kept her money for her old age.

    My mother responds: thats for sure. I feel so bad for her.

    I say: and when I think about how much the Society is worth (I had shown her the statement about the Societys being worth around $954 million). Theyre worth about $1 billion, have all that property and its all tax free.

    My mother: I know, its awful, Sister Generous should have kept her money.

    Me: Of course, we were all thinking the end was just around the corner and no one needed to save for their old age. Now, the Society has it all and Sister Generous, who really needs it, has nothing. Its not like theyre going to give the money back to her. At least other religions set up hospitals and care facilities, even food banks for the poor. Youd think with all the buildings the Society has they could at least use some of it to help the older Witnesses. I mean, the older Bethelites are taken care of. Why not those who have paid the money to the Society in the first place?

    My mother says, Yeah, thats right. And to think of the money I gave them. Well, it wasnt much since I only had my pension, but still! One things for sure, theyre not getting one more penny from me! That's really awful!

    Me (inwardly grinning from ear to ear ). One small victory at a time!

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