by Yizuman 19 Replies latest jw friends
hello and welcome yizuman.
all kinds here and from everywhere, my hubby and myself officially disassociated in August of this year, no other family members in and no real friends left behind, getting to know others on this board and someday meeting a few of them.
Well I checked out Silentlambs.org as meadow77 recommended for me to see and I have seen these sort of things like that many years ago. Last time I saw a child being beaten was outside the Kingdom Hall at the side of the building. The father was spanking the child's behind so hard it sounded like a hammer hitting a nail. It was a little girl, couldn't be at least a year old. He was shaking the little girl like a rag doll as he was verbally scolding the child.
I am aware that parents get irritated when children inside the Hall get noisy and will not calm down or be quiet during service. Since parents are trying to score "brownie points" with the elders and I guess before Jehovah. If they see the Elders get annoyed with noisy children, parents will take the noisy child outside for some punishment. Depending on the parent, they could verbally scold the child or be downright physically confrontational. In this case where I saw, it was the latter.
I am also aware that there used to be publications from the WTBTS a very long time ago that advicated the use of "the rod" to children as part of the discipline. They no longer publish that sort of thing anymore. But Elders who have been around during those publication periods are passing on that teaching verbally to parents who want child rearing advices and teaching newer Elders of the same kind of teaching they learned to they can too instruct parents how to discipline their children.
A friend of mine once visited a local KH and have sat next to a child who's face was black and blue.
It's no surprise to me what this sort of thing is going on and even before the media publications came out on the child molesation story inside the JW religion since I have seen it first hand.
Yizuman
Wow Jesika,
What a story that you have linked me to see.
I am really sickened by all this and how the WTBTS is handling all this.
I dunno what to say about all this, I am at loss for words.
My heart and love goes out to you, Jesika.
Yizuman,
I thank you for your kind words. Like I said the info you may get on these boards may be a little much to "swallow" at one time. Please feel free to email me. I don't post my personal email, but I can give you my aunt Lin's email addy and she will forward it to me. She doesn't read anything that has my name in the subject line. So please feel free to talk with me. I am not only experienced in the abuse part of the religion, but in any other way you can imagine. I know it is scary to talk on a public forum about private things. I put my story out there so others will know they are not alone and can do something to change things. I try to help as many people as I can in any avenue I feel I can. So please feel free to email my aunt Lin who is also a memeber here----------- [email protected]
I look forward to seeing and hearing more from you. I am sending Love back to you!!!!!
Jesika
PS I have to use my aunt's email since she has a better system for viruses, and when you email me you will have my personal email addy when I respond to your email, and I always respond!!!!!!!!!!
Yizuman, this is from Jesika, since she's gone over her posting limit for the day. Glad to help! What's a good auntie for anyway? LOL
Dateline Transcript:
Do you ever think the wts will clean up its act regarding child molestation?
Welcome Yiz...
Most are all ex jdubs
Yizuman, this is from Jesika, since she's gone over her posting limit for the day. Glad to help! What's a good auntie for anyway? LOL
Dateline Transcript:
http://www.silentlambs.com/dateline_transcript.htm
Thanks Auntie, read it and saved it as well.
After reading all these reports not only about JWs having child molestors stalking kids in the KHs, but Priests in Catholic churches as well.
Now I am wondering about other types of religions just like the JWs and the Catholics who also sweep these molestation accusations under the rug? What about the Mormons? How many others are out there like it?
A local non-denominational church had a dude that got busted for molesting kids. Last I heard the investigation is still ongoing. It was on the news 2 months ago. They put up a picture of him on TV and they're asking parents and kids to come forward if they recognize him and let them know if any of the kids been sexually abused by him.
I am beginning to wonder if this problem with molestors are targeting religious organizations ( besides the ones that are generation abusers) because they think religious establisments are easy targets for kids? Moreover, I am more worried that these types of news reports are giving molestors "ideas" on where to prey on kids. Going in to a church and pretend to be a christian all the while setting their eyes on kids.
I visited the silentlambs.org website and I am in awe how great this website is and I hope they can do more than just help JW victims who have been sexually abused.
I have been abused myself, not just physically, but verbally as well by my father. My entire family (mom, one brother and one sister).
The only few physical contacts he ever done was he hit my mother while arguing about the affairs he had with other women and the reason he hit her was because mom called dad a MFer. Imagine where I am standing at the age of 4 years old, watching them argue and suddenly see my dad hit my mom and I screamed at the top of my lungs because I was scared for my mom. I hated my dad ever since that night. I still do today in some ways, but I am praying that God would give me the strength to find a way to forgive him for what he did not only to mom, but all of us in the family as well.
My brother was punched in the nose after he was told he cannot borrow a car to go someplace, my brother did a run around on dad by asking mom instead to borrow a car. He pulled out of the driveway and a station wagon totalled the car as he pulled out in front of it. Dad runs out to my brother and first he asked, "Are you alright?", "Yes", my brother replied. "Good!" KAPOW! Right on the nose!
My sister was berated by my dad too. The biggest abuse was when she became pregnant from her first boyfriend (whom she later married and the jerk abused her as well. The marriage was desolved a year later. The jerk then became a homosexual and moved to Texas where he then died of AIDS), dad suggested her to have an abortion. At first she didn't know what an abortion was. It bothered her after she learned what it was. But the biggest onset was when she remarried and got divorced again a month later, she was pregnant at that time, dad then again suggested abortion. This time she tried to kill herself by trying to run out in front of traffic on the highway across from where she worked, her co-workers stopped her in time.
My biggest abuse from dad was that I was told by my dad when I was 8 years old that I am a worthless sack of sh*t and I would never amount to anything. Why he say that? 2 reasons, 1) I am deaf . 2) I had finished mowing the front yard and got real tired and decided to lay down on the couch in the family room and dad came in to see me laying on the couch napping. He grabbed me and pulled me off the couch and started yelling at me. He called me not only what he said as mentioned above, but a lazy ass no good for nothing as well, just simply because I decided to take a nap. Something inside me died from that day forth.
I've lived most of my life being depressed and angry. I wanted to be accepted for who I am regardless of my deafness. I could never be able to please my dad. To make matters worse, being deaf among the hearing world (dad would not let me be in a deaf school because he didn't want a "freak" for a son, so I ended up being a hearing school instead. Which lead me to be even more frustrated) while I am being made fun of and ridiculed by kids in school. I get into trouble alot in school because of fights and skipping school all the time because I didn't want to face the kids.
My biggest shame is that I too abused my mother (which this isn't easy for me to talk about) simply because I needed an outlet to vent my anger on. I couldn't take it all out on my dad because he was bigger and stronger than me. So mom was an easy target to take it out on whenever I had problems at school or with dad.
Most of us except my dad and my sister was on substance abuse, such as alcohol and drugs. Mom was an alcoholic because she couldn't handle my dad's verbal abuse as well as his running around with other women. I did both alcohol and drugs to escape the pain I was enduring and so did my brother.
The only great thing happened to me and my mom was that we decided to beat this pain. She quit drinking and got help and I ended up in a theraputic school for 3 years to deal with my emotional pain and suffering.
Mom was alcohol free for 3 years before she died in 1993. Weird thing was she was able to set things right in her life and made peace with her sister whom she had resented for many years not knowing why she left her for Florida and hardly even called or wrote to her for many years. I found out that her sister was abused by their Aunt whom they both lived with after their mother died. Their dad was an abuser as well, but they don't remember any of it, he dumped them to my great Aunt's house and she raised them both. Her sister said that whenever my mom did something wrong, she would take all the blame and would be severaly beaten by my great Aunt. Her sister spared my mom's life from abuse. She was verbally abused, but was kept from being physically abused.
After my mom died, my depression came back, but wasn't as severe until I had a breakup from my fiancee' whom I been with for 2 years. She got cold feet the night before the wedding and called off the wedding and told me to leave the next day w/o any explaination. Then my depression became worse. Even to this day, I still don't know why she called our relationship off. I never yelled at her nor have I ever abused her simply because I did not want to live the way my parents did. I did everything in the exact opposite my dad ever done to mom and my family.
Right now I am battling hard on my depression and don't want my life to go back the way it was growing up. Being angry, depressed as well as being suicidal. These feelings of being a worthless sack of sh*t is haunting me because of what dad said to me when I was 8 years old.
Recently I quit my job this year in January because of a new boss who transferred from another store ( a Wal-Mart type of a store) who had problems with me (and 7 other deaf employees) because I am deaf. She made my life at work a living hell and she basically forced me to quit. (later 6 other deaf employees have also left the store, there's only 1 left) I'm now working at (ironically) Wal-Mart.
My hours and pay isn't as good as it was at my previous employment. This is making me even more depressed because I am behind on rent on the moble home lot while I own a moble home and I behind on morgage payments. I have medical bills as well as utility bills I need to catch up on as well. Everyone including me have our hours cut and I am working 20+ hrs a week. This is not good because it's making it hard to stay on top of everything in order to live. I am on depression medication that is very expensive for me to take. I am afraid I will lose my home and I have no where else to live. I am even running out of food and don't know where my next meal is going to come from.
Right now, I am feeling suicidal again and I am fighting my depression as hard as I can and I am constantly praying to God everyday for help. I am trying to find a better job, even looking for a part time job. Being deaf doesn't make my job hunt any easier either. It takes me longer to find a job being deaf than a hearing person would find a job. I have a deaf friend who is also looking for a better job and he went throught 20 job interviews in one month and none of them ever called him back to say he got a job.
So, I understand in a way what it is like to be abused, although I have never been sexually abused nor have any of us in the family ever been severely physically abused. Verbal abuse, IMHO is the worse case senerio (s?) that any human being can endure. It runs deep and it hurts deep.
Anyway, please pray for me finacially as well as getting a better job. I'm going to try and find food banks tomorrow and see if I can get any food. Wish me luck.
I will however be praying for all of us (me included) that we all somehow rise above the abuse (any kind) and make life better for all of us.
With all my love and hugs....
Yizuman
Bump
Wow, major bump down LOL
Yizuman
Dearest Yiz,
Wow, you have been through alot, and my heart goes out to you. I was also physically, emotionally, and verbally abused as well. I know it is a hard thing to live through and I have also been on meds for depression.
The job market is very hard right now. I have only worked (all together and two jobs) for about 2 months. I have been looking for work since Feb of this yr. I only went to the 9th grade in school and was a stripper for about 6yrs. So, it is very hard to find work or anyone willing to hire me as well. Even though I have "doctored" my resume.
Have you looked into maybe teaching sign language? Or maybe another type of job that has something to do with the deaf community? Since 9/11 alot of people are felling the pinch financially. There are ways to maybe get your bills to a monthly payment based on your monthly income. There are consumer credit orgs that do this and can maybe help you with this so it isn't so overwhelming. If you can tell me what state you are living I could do a search and see what I could come up with if that is ok with you. If you want this sent to you privately then remember my aunts email is posted above and email me so you can have my email and I can have yours.
I have had deaf friends in the past and would "speak" with them over the phone. I know it can't be easy to get a job being deaf, but even for the hearing it is hard right now, believe me.
I get depressed as well about my abuse and about not being able to work, I even applied at Wal-Mart and never heard anything back, grocery stores, department stores, etc. Noone has called. I have sent out at least 20-25 apps and resumes and nothing. I was thinking of delivering pizza, but my truck can't endure all the driving and I haven't had insurance on it since God knows when. I take a risk everytime I get in my truck and drive anywhere. I have a son I am supposed to be helping to raise (he lives with his dad) and I haven't been able to help out hardly at all. I also have a med bill well over $700. So, trust me when I tell you I understand.
Email my aunt and let me know if I can help you maybe find a way to ease the bills for you. It may work or you may have gone this route but the internet has so many resourses, it is possible something could have been overlooked.
Sincerely,
Jesika
PS. I was going to ask you if you wanted to read my story, but I think you should maybe read it when you aren't so depressed and stressed out. Love ya.
Edited by - jesika on 3 December 2002 17:16:23
