Reestablishing family ties with non-Witnesses

cyberguy

As most of you folks know, non-witness family members are treated almost the same way as JW's treat disfellowshipped people. After leaving the BORG, fully or partially, has anyone had good results in reestablishing relationships with non-witnesses family relatives? I've got over a dozen cousins that I'd like to have a relationship with once again, but I'm not sure the best way to break-the-ice. They all know that I've been a JW. Some have outspokenly said that JW's feel that they're of a higher, spiritual stature than they are, that JW's feel they are better than they are! I guess this is because of the Witness' shunning treatment of non-witness family members. Anyway, I'm wondering what others have done to reestablish family ties!

Thank you in advance for your kind replies!

Edited by - cyberguy on 30 November 2002 21:48:25

freedom96

My relatives were glad that my parents got out of their "Witness phaze" and welcomed us back. 30 years was a long phaze!

Mulan

I can only tell you what happened in our family. I hadn't spoken to my disfellowshipped brother in many years, until 1995, when I called him. He was so happy to get the call, and we met for coffee at a Starbucks, to feel each other out, and never looked back.

My brother's daughters, my nieces, are thrilled to have family again. Since their mother died in 1977, and their father was disfellowshipped two years after that, both sides of that family didn't see any of them. (we tried, but they felt if their father was shunned, they wanted to stick with him) Their mother's family still never sees them.

I had a large group of cousins, who were not witnesses. I called them, and we are all close again too. They were just so thrilled to have us back.............we rarely saw each other during our entire lives. (all in our 50's now)

Brummie

Cyber, my none JW family simply didnt have any rules so when I turned up to visit them after years of holding them at arms length they simply treated me as if I had always been there, blood is blood and is thicker than the WT for those never influenced by it.

Since its coming up to Christmas it might be a good idea to send them all a card, if you cant cope with Christmas yet just choose a card that says "Happy holidays" and take it round to them or mail it before the 25th. Its a good way to bridge the gap. Take it a step at a time.

Brummie

Elsewhere

cyberguy, i think it would be a good idea to reach out to them.

termite 35

Hello Cyberguy;

after 12 years of association I left and although i'd still kept very close to my family I knew they regarded me as a little weird !

I used it as an opportunity to tell them why I left ( UN issue, paedophile issue etc) and that served two purposes; it helped them to understand that when I saw they were corrupt, I did something about it.

Also it meant that they would be forewarned (kind of reverse witnessing! )

And also, it drew a line under it all from which we could go on and reestablish our relationship and feel comfortable again as everything had been answered ( we had no awkward silences as they wonder what's going on..)

I immediately started to celebrate birthdays and Christmas which I had missed SO much and am currently enjoying spoiling my neices and nephews and children and feeling part of it all again.

They were just glad to 'get me back' which was pretty humbling after i'd rejected so many invitations and family celebrations.

Outaservice

I've many cousins who I have never even met and now correspond with many of them by e-mail. I apologized to them and any other relative I had who was not a JW and told them that my views were a result of my being associated with The Watchtower Society.

I do not hold back telling any of them just why I left the JW's and all the kind of crap they promote and cover up. Advertise, Advertise, Advertise!

I also went to all the persons I had studied with as a JW and apologised to them. Several left because of that and those who didn't have their own blood on their shoulders. I'm free!

Outaservice ( but still preachin )

metatron

After explaining and apologizing, I think most relatives look at you like someone
who's gotten out of a coma or asylum - now cured.

metatron

Amazing

Hi:

" ... has anyone had good results in reestablishing relationships with non-witnesses family relatives?"

Yes, this is part of the material I have published. The method I used was to contact my relatives with my doubts - though I had pretty much decided to leave the religion - and I shared my concerns with them regarding the Watchtower's teachings ... and let my relatives play a role in being of help and support ... this removed the past pain of practically shunning them ... then I let them in on my decision to leave the religion, and promptly apologized and made my peace with them ... this worked 100%, and I am close to them as well as a few long time non-JW friends from my pre-JW days ... allow them to participate with you in your exit process. Most often they are open and loving and willing to forgive the years of breach. - Jim Whitney

DanTheMan

Fortunately none of my immediate or extended family were ever JW's, so that has made the transition process very easy. They're glad to have me back. I always stayed fairly close with them while I was in. We just had an unspoken agreement that we didn't talk religion. And I had no problem with that as my zeal cooled off very soon after I was dunked. I really embarrassed myself "witnessing" to them when I was first studying Watchtowerism. But they were/are mature enough to recognize that my becoming JW was a youthful indiscretion. I haven't got a single "see I told you so" from anybody. They have been very supportive.

Tomorrow my Uncle is having a Thanksgiving party, there I will see a lot of the extended family that I didn't have much contact with while I was in. I'm looking forward to that.

Reestablishing family ties with non-Witnesses

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