Dress, Grooming, freedom...

by Esmeralda 10 Replies latest jw friends

  • Esmeralda

    Hi everyone!

    I was just sitting here thinking about the restorative Yoga poses that I'll be doing later to
    help with my stiff muscles, and realized what a joy it is that I have the freedom to do them now.

    If I was still a JW, I wouldn't.

    I'm not an extreme person. But I do enjoy the immense freedom that I have now when it comes
    to what I wear, how I exercise, what I read, etc.

    Here is a sample of the freedoms that I cherish now that I'm free:

    I can wear my hair any way I like without being worried about "Setting an example"

    I can wear leather jackets without being told they're "rebellious"

    I can wear my Bajoran ear cuff without people talking about it behind my back.

    I can do Yoga without anyone getting their feathers ruffled.

    I can go to the music store and pick out the music that I like, instead of what is
    "acceptable for Christians"

    I could go on and on. But I'm just wondering, what are the freedoms you love now that
    you're out?


    The Four Agreements:
    Be Impeccable With Your Word
    Don't Take Anything Personally
    Don't Make Assumptions
    Always Do Your Best

  • freddi

    hi essy;
    i am glad to see that you have taken back your own freedom. your cong. must have been very narrow minded and old fashioned because i never heard of leather jackets being off limits. here in n.y. it is never even a question. i guess it just depends on where your cong. is located in the country and that is wrong. i have noticed when i was attending the k.h. that you can basically do what you want depending on what hall you went to. amazing isn't it? i was always taught that every jw in every k.h. is on tract with every other hall . there is not supposed to be any difference due to local. here again is man dictating what must go on in his own area. certainly not what jehovah intended. they do preach that we are suupposed to be of one mind and in unison. huh! glad to hear of your freedom and continue on with your yoga. enjoy the feeling of complete peace of mind in meditation.

    Hi All!!!
    I am an inactive JW. The last time that I have been to a Kingdom Hall is about 11 yrs ago but I still try to keep up with what is going on with the society. I am happy to have found this site. Once again, "Hello to all."

  • nojw86

    Hi Esmeralda, so glad you brought that up, because that was of my ? that I asked an elder of course that was a no no. Are you not happy camper now, wow we can do yoga, that was a gray area... HA > I also loved the sound of wind chimes blowing in the wind very calming to me that was also a gray area, I again asked a incense, hate to be bitten by bugs,gray area. Heck I even go to the YMCA for cancer support for myself,where was that in the borg, yes these freedoms we now are priceless, just to name a few...........nojw

  • Esmeralda


    Heck I even go to the YMCA for cancer support for myself,where was that in the borg,

    Cancer support?! I hope that you're okay? I'm concerned!

    As far as support groups go...I know that both my sisters, one JW, one not, go to Alanon.
    I remember how going to AA or any 12 step used to be squashed because they considered
    it a religion...does anybody know when the position changed on that? Just curious.


    The Four Agreements:
    Be Impeccable With Your Word
    Don't Take Anything Personally
    Don't Make Assumptions
    Always Do Your Best

  • nojw86

    Hi Essie, thanks so much for caring to ask ,its been long months of chemo, you know what goes along with that. But my daughter has taken me to support groups...glad she never was a Baptised JW because ...well you know ...need I say more. HA HA guess what I have hair again to style LOL, the people on these posts have helped me soooooo much. Always enjoyed yours, Hugs NOJW

  • rabotnik

    Hi Es:

    As a witness I knew I couldn't (or I would be distrusted, marked or expelled):

    Be my authentic, spontaneous, unguarded self.

    Grow a beard and long hair.

    Read contempory fiction (there could be sex, murder, and ideas); watch R-rated movies (there could be sex, murder and ideas); attend the theater and see productions like "Rent; etc.

    Pursue any serious interests in the arts.

    Read non-JW religious material / attend and investigate other religions.

    Build friendships with non-JWs.

    Trust my heart. Think for myself. Celebrate my authentic life.

    Develop a loving relationship with someone of the same gender.

    And while seeking psychiatric help was allowed -- it was viewed with suspicion (You know, you take your brain in for a tune-up and they might throw in a brainwash and wax!).

    btw, a friend lent me the book you quote from "The Four Agreements." I just couldn't get into it. The metaphysical coma continues. Has the book helped you?

  • Esmeralda
    btw, a friend lent me the book you quote from "The Four Agreements." I just couldn't get into it. The metaphysical coma continues.Has the book helped you?

    Hi R,

    Yes, it has helped me immensely. If you can get past the "smoke
    and mirrors" part at the beginning, ponder on the metephors a bit and dive right into the agreements themselves, that might
    help you. But not everyone likes the same cup of tea, that book might not be for you.

    I can't stress enough how great I think Life Strategies by Dr. Phil McGraw is. I think that it
    could benefit anyone who has ever been a JW, or effected by them. He's all about getting
    real and making your life go in the direction that you want: helping you figure out what you want
    too if you don't know that already.

    I hope that the 'coma' won't last long. You just have to keep looking until you find something
    that suits your taste to help awaken you. I wish you the best, its not easy!!!


  • outnfree


    Not sure the exact year the position changed on AA meetings, but it's been at least 3. I know because a friend of mine was encouraged to attend by our local elders...

    As to your question about freedoms? I'd say all the things rabotnik mentioned except the same sex relationship (never felt the desire, I'm married 23 years this July -- to a non-believer, thankfully!) Of course, I was probably a "bad" witness because I occasionally cheated on those "R-rated" movies and spy novels and such...

    I, too, am concerned about you and your fight with cancer and am happy to celebrate your hair with you! My cousin has just come to the same point - regrown hair, after 8 months of treatments for non-Hodgkins lymphoma. If you don't mind, I'd like to pray for your recovery. (Let me know if that offends you, and I won't.)

    It is SO true that there really are no support groups for troubled ones within the WTS -- be it alcoholism, medical or psychiatric issues, or grief counseling. No wonder so many Witnesses are depressed. What's the standard answer -- more prayer, meetings, service & study? The cure for everything!!! NOT! You don't get to express yourself, hear others who have successfully gotten past some of your same issues, hear others who are not as far along the road to recovery as yourself whom you might help, or others who are not going to get well but have gracefully managed to accept that, at the Kingdom Hall.

    So, nojw and Es, freedom of expression in all areas of life. That is the precious gift to be had outside of Witnessland!


  • rabotnik

    Hi Es:

    I presently share a place with another ex-JW and his partner. (OK, it's their crib and I rent out the extra bedroom). I've really benefited by living here. He's been a good friend. And ... he lent me the Phillip McGraw book, "Life Strategies" to read. He also liked it. I think I'll ask my other friend to lend me "The Four Agreements" again. It's supposed to be from some ancient Aztec or Mayan wisdom, right?

    I'd like to work on something called "The Joy Manifesto." Kind of a how-to laugh, dance and love your way through the insanity of day-to-day life. I mean, if we have to be conscious -- why not have a really good laugh before we check out? Kind of a beginners guide to hedonism! Any ideas? What are the simple things that bring you joy?


  • Esmeralda

    The simple things?

    Falling asleep in the arms of the man I love, something I never take for granted because
    of all we had to go through to get here.
    Being a "mommy sandwhich" which is what Justin and Leah call it when they both hug me at
    the same time and each kiss one of my cheeks. That really makes a person feel loved, let me
    tell you! Watching my child's eyes light up at the sight of holiday trimmings and birthday presents.
    Helping others when I can.
    Lighting a scented candle and listening to music I really love,
    writing, and reading as my eyes permit
    painting now and again, singing, especially when no one else is home and I can
    blow the dust out of the old windpipes,
    silly things, like watching the Daily show on Comedy Central and reruns of Mystery
    Science Theater 3000 on the weekend.
    A really good cup of tea...restorative yoga...I could go on and on. Mostly, it's just
    the freedom of living comfortably in my own skin...being able to think my own thoughts,
    that is a gift that keeps on giving.

    Sheesh, I'm rambling tonight. Gonna have to log off till tomorrow. *lol*

    Just keep looking until you find something that sparks your joy, R. It's out there. You've
    been surpressed a long time...it takes awhile to find your feet again.

    Keep searching!

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