I need HELP!!!!

by asortafairytale 14 Replies latest jw experiences

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  asortafairytale

  I am in a pissed off kind of mood today, and I need to do a little venting.

  I was thinking about my mother, who was disfellowshipped about 12 years ago. I was 9 at the time, and our lives completely shattered. My mom lost all of her friends, and having given up all her worldly ones years before, had no one. She sunk into a deep depression, drank, and became physically and emotionally abusive.

  We didn't have a car at the time, so every Monday, Thursday, and Sunday, we had to haul out the bikes, and ride 3 miles to the KH. We sat in the back, and were completely ignored. By the middle song, my mom was always in the bathroom crying. That went on for about 2 years. It never changed. She never stopped crying.

  When I was 13, encouraged by my mother, I began studying to get baptized. I studied until I was 17. I never could quite get as far as baptism. I was practicing the questions for baptism, when I quit. The cong. was nothing but a bunch of uptight, self-righteous backstabbers(as I see most congs. are). I began to ask too many questions, and had all my dreams shot in the ass. It was when I began "coming out" as a lesbian, that I knew I couldn't stay with the organization. And that I didn't want to.

  I am out and free and happy now, but I am still pissed off and what they did, and continue doing to my mother. It has been 12 years, but she can't seem to let go. She never was reinstated; she wrote the letter twice several years ago, but it was rejected. Not repentant enough, or something.

  She honestly believes that this is "the Truth", and that God hates her. She no longer prays, because she thinks "God doesn't hear her prayers" anymore. She feels so hopeless. I have tried talking to her on numerous occasions, but she turns as deaf ear. When I decided to leave the JWs, my mother cried, saying that "now I was lost, too". She is so upset because of me. And because of them.

  When I came out to her, she was supportive, but she also made sure to tell me that "Jehovah doesn't approve", and that I "fell from God's favor".

  Why after so many years, can't she see it for what it is??? After all they did to her? There is a lot more sh*t they pulled, and I don't have the time to write it all down.

  I want to help her, but I don't know how. Any advice?????
• 

  Sirona

  Hi

  Sorry to hear how awful things were for you as a child, and how awful things have been for your mother.

  My mum is JW, and like you, I have to put up with her thinking I'm "not approved by Jehovah" and telling me that all my problems would be solved if I went back to the KH.

  I'd advise you to get your mother to read "crisis of conscience" by Ray Franz. I read that first, and it had a really big effect on me and how I viewed the JWs. It helps you see that the organisations rules on things like disfellowshipping are just the commands of men, not God. Your mum might be able to see then how she isn't wicked, she just doesnt fit in the JW organisation - its them who are wrong!

  I hope you can repair your relationship with her (you mentioned she was abusive).

  Stick to your guns and whenever she brings up JWs, make it clear why you don't want to be there. Eventually she will accept it. My JW mum doesn't like what I say, but she does now *admit* that I'm right about some things to do with JWs.

  Good luck,

  Blessings to you,

  Sirona
• 

  gumby

  That is a sad sad story. I feel bad for your mom. It's too bad that she cannot see the lack of love shown to a mother with kids, riding bicycles to the meetings, then being shunned. There are so many horror srories like this. I would take sirona's advise and get her to read COC.

  My family will not allow me to speak about such matters and perhaps neither will your mom allow you to. We can't change people....they have to be willing to change.

  I wish you the best and please stay in touch.

  Gumby
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  Iwasyoungonce

  That is the nicest thing about being away from the JW assholic mentality. My wife does not cry every day. That is until I started sharing things about coming here. It all comes back. Given a choice of hurting her or not, I will not be here or any jw tainted place. The problem is for me being here validates what happen to me for 10 years. For her it brings back the pain of being hit and mocked. (Which is why she left)

  Jehovah Witnesses are cruel barbaric people. If you are not willing to become a preditor then you are pray in that world. Too bad they live like animals.
• 

  Shakita

  Hi asorta:

  It's really ashame that you had it so tough when growing up. Your Mom sounds like she probably has alot of issues going on there topped with a good dose of JW paranioa. Just a thought, but maybe if you stay away from all religious topics when around her, and she agrees to this, you could deal with the other emotions that come from her physical ailments--drinking, low-self esteem, abuse, etc. It looks like you have your plate full with just those issues.

  What advice you get here on this forum, you must take, digest, and apply it (or not) to your own situation. Not really knowing you and your Mom personally, it is hard to give out advice. I, personally, don't want to hurt any relationship you two might have at the present time.

  I had a Mom that had a drinking problem, too. She also had very low self esteem, had problems with people just in general. Her life was a pretty sad state most of the time. She made it so difficult for herself to just get along with other people. It seems she put obstacles in her way on purpose so she wouldn't have to deal with life's problems. It sounds like your Mom and my Mom could have probably been very good friends!

  My Mom died last year. It was a very difficult time. In the end, I look back and try to focus on the many good times we DID have. Because, when it comes down to it, we still love our family members despite what they have done to us in the past.

  You can probably be the most help for your Mom by just being there for her when she needs you. Be encouraging and positive. Maybe some of that positive energy will rub off on her.

  Best of Luck and Take Care

  Mrs. Shakita
• 

  NameWithheld

  Jehovah Witnesses are cruel barbaric people. If you are not willing to become a preditor then you are pray(sic - prey) in that world. Too bad they live like animals.

  Wow. I never really thought about it in those terms, but that is a very true statement!!!!!
• 

  Sentinel

  Hi Sweetie,

  I know you really feel for your mom and you want to help her. She lives in a limbo land of emotion. Sad to say, some individuals feel the need to punnish themselves continuously, and it sounds like this is where she is at. You aren't responsible for her, but being a loving daughter, you'd like to see her turn her life around. Being indecisive, is emotionally destructive. I believe she needs some serious professional counseling. Maybe you can encourage her to do that for herself. She has to want to get out of this rut.

  I'm glad you found your way and you are facing your issues and living life true to your convictions. This makes for a mentally and physcially healthy person.

  Give your mom lots of hugs and never give up on her.
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  DJ

  I agree with the poster (sorry, I forgot who?? ) who said that your mom should read Crisis of Conscience and the other called In Search of Christian Freedom........you can get both at www.freeminds.org I think that it is vital for your poor mom to become educated about this religion and it's hypocrisy. I left w/o reading those books but I'm sure that they would have helped me a lot. There are tons of books available! The proof is in the pudding kiddo, most of the info that I have come across is documented by the wt's own writings. Your mom will probably never find relief until she sees for herself that they are wrong. My best wishes for you mom and you're a kind daughter to help.
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  LyinEyes

  My heart breaks for your mom. I really wonder sometimes if I should reply to threads like this because I am still so freakin mad at the JW's over my mom.

  She was emotionally sick for so long, addicted to pain pills to escape her life, as one of JW's and my overbearing Dad. He treated her like one of us, the kids. And she acted like she was , so it was a sick relationship. She wasnt happy, she just gave up years ago and was a shell of someone I felt I truly lost. I remember times when she was happy, usually when she and I did things together, like sunbathing, riding horses, shopping, just anything not JW related. At the time I didnt see all of this .

  Long story short, she and dad split up , after she was put in rehab for the , God, I lost count , of how many times, and she was d/f for smoking. For one thing this pisses me off because she just came out of rehab and never tried to help her for the more serious problem of drug abuse, just the smoking, and bam,,,,,, they d/f her. She moved out into her own apartment , for the first time since she was14 she lived alone, until she married some jerk she met at rehab. This was a mistake and she knew it. She still loved my dad, and she felt she had sinned beyound what Jehovah could forgive. Her grief over how she treated my sister and me, her wasted life, and how she had hurt God. I tried to talk to her, but by this time, she was so far into a different kind of depression I had never seen before, she was 35 and I was 18 , so I didnt understand it all. But I was afraid. I was not sure why I felt a need to call her everyday and check on her, I guess years of it,,,,, I was my mothers keeper for so long.

  I called one day after I had a feeling something bad had happened , and she wasnt there. They couldnt find her anywhere.

  I hate to tell you this, I don't want to scare you, but my mom was found,,,,,,,,she killed herself early that morning. Needless to say, my world as I had known it ended.

  For years I never in my brainwashed mind thought the WT had a thing to do with it, but I do now.

  They threw her out of the only thing she had ever known, coldly at that, no calls , no visits to her, just a short d/f letter in the mail.

  She was forced to be shunned with no friends.

  She still was under doctors care for the drug addicition.

  She was sure she had committed the unforgiveable sin, and couldnt be told otherwise. I tried.

  She was hopeless and felt she screwed up this time , beyond help.

  If only I knew now, what I didnt know then,,,,,,, the real truth of the WT, maybe I could have shown her and releived her conscious. I could have helped her to see there is life out there and God forgives. There are alot worse things that people who are "good" JW do that are still in yet they keep their positions and no one knows their dirty little secrets.

  I just wanted to tell you this , so you can get your mom some help. My mom was getting help but the religion she felt didnt approve of her seeing doctors and talking about her problems.

  Do whatever you can to help your mom out of the JW's, they will beat her down . I can't believe she has been D/f so long and they refuse to reinstate her......makes me sick to see them sitting on the throne of Judgement,,,,,when clearly the bible says Jesus is our judge.

  I hope you can help your mom,,,,,, I would encourage her to seek counseling to build her self esteem then she might be more receptive to here what you have to say. I wish you the best , and your dear mother. I am bitter over what they did to my mother ,,,,, I will be damned if I don't speak up and tell my mother's story. I feel she would want someone , who felt as sad as she did, that things can get better. Maybe my mom is in heaven, I am not sure. But I feel a strong peace with her now and I know that God does not want people to be that grief stricken .

  I hope Ihavent said too much,,,,,, or said anything to upset you,,,,,, but the WT is taking lives in so many ways. I just cant stand to not say the truth about them. Sincerely,,,,,,,,, dede
• 

  acsot

  I feel for you! The WT mentality that "we're the only ones who are right" is difficult to shake unless you come to it gradually on your own. Is it a Buddhist proverb that says "the teacher shows up when the student is ready"? A person can feel really down on themselves (I've been there!) but still feel that it's worth the effort to cling to the WTS rather than risk being destroyed at Armageddon. Perhaps if your mom comes to realize that a God of love could not murder people in a pogrom worse than any visited upon the Jewish people or the equivalent of the maniacal genocide of Pol Pot in Cambodia, then she may be able to detach herself from the mind-set of the Witnesses and the fear they instill in everyone. Low self-esteem makes a person feel that they deserve to be treated like crap; maybe that's why she keeps repeatedly trying to get back to the Hall. However, if she believes that Jesus was right when he said "by their love you will recognize them", then perhaps she'll slowly begin to realize that since they failed to show her any love, they can't have the truth. Jesus said there was joy in heaven over someone who repents. Riding a bike with kids in tow in order to make the meetings sure sounds like repentance to me! Jesus would see it also, right?

  BTW, my brother is gay, something I had a hard time with when I was a self-righteous JW prig. Eventually, however, I was "won over" (isn't that a JW catch-phrase?) by his and his companion's kind, non-judgmental, persevering friendship. "Love of neighbour" is not very evident amongst the prissy stuck-up JWs, myself included. I'm embarrased now that I actually called myself a Christian at that time. All this to say that with your kindness and caring the walls built around your mother's soul may start to crumble. Jesus did say that by their fruits you will recognize them. Amazing how that verse can be used so easily against the WTS!

  Hang in there.