God decides to end the world...

by Matty 2 Replies latest social humour

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  Matty

  God decided that he was going to have to end the world straight away because everyone was being utterly beastly to each other, no one knew right from wrong anymore, and the people of the world weren't happy enough. So he called the three most important people in the world together: George W Bush, Vladimir Putin and Bill Gates - and told them to go back to their people and tell them the world was ending.

  George W Bush went back to his people and said, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I am one of the three most important people in the world. The bad news is that the world is ending tomorrow."

  Vladimir Putin came back to his people and said, "I have good news and bad news. The Good news is that I am one of the three most important people in the world. The bad news is that the world is ending tomorrow."

  Bill Gates went back to Microsoft and assembled a huge meeting. "I have good news and Better news" he said. "The good news is that I am one of the three most important people in the world. The Better news is that we don't have to fix all the bugs in Windows XP anymore!"
• 

  Matty

  A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms.

  Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.

  "Olympic condoms?", she blurts, "What makes them so special?"

  "There are three colours", he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."

  "What colour are you going to wear tonight?", she asks cheekily.

  "Gold of course", says the man proudly.

  The wife responds, "Why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!".
• 

  Matty

  This woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in, and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby."

  The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby, Doctor? What's wrong???"

  The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite."

  The woman says, "A hermaphrodite, what do you mean.. what's that???"

  The doctor says, "Well, it means your baby has the.. er.. features.. of both a male and a female."

  The woman turns pale.

  She says, "Oh my God! You mean it has a penis.. AND a brain?"