This last summer I was taking my boat out to the lake to do a little fishing. It was early in the morning and the sun was just starting to crest over the eastern mountains as I pulled onto the boat ramp. I got out of the truck and my wife and I started to prep the boat for launch into the lake. We unhooked the supports, unhooked the chain and proceeded to back down the ramp. The boat hit the water and my wife guided the boat over to the dock. I went up and parked the truck and walked back down the ramp to take off into the lake for a day of fishing. We started to pull out and I said to my wife, "do you feel like we missed something?" To which she said, "Yes, but I can not think of what it is." So we took off to the fishing hole.
Do you every feel that way about things, where it feels like you are missing something. I know that when I was a Witness I felt this way all the time. I would hear about someone being in trouble in hear about all the terrible things they did and all the council they needed. I would end up saying something later to the other elders, "that something seemed missing." To which many times they would agree that something was not right. Only there path to fix it was often to dive deeper into watching the person and looking for more dirt to get the matter resolved and in the open.
Sometimes in my Witness life an entire year would go by and I would come to that December 31st date and say something to my wife again, "I don't know what, but it just seems like I am missing something about this last year." I would sit there under the night sky and look to the stars and wonder, "what is it, it seems like it should be so obvious, since it has bothered me for so along." Yet the question went unanswered and the years went by faster and faster.
My mom was disfellowshiped when I was in my early twenties and I was told that she could not go to my wedding. I remember being there with my new wife and driving away in the limo, and saying "this day was so wonderful, but it seems like I missed something." My wife responded, "It was hard not having your mom here I bet." I agreed, but that was just not the piece to the puzzle that I was thinking about, yet the words to explain my feelings were just not there. I knew it had to do with the congregation and not her, but I could just not put my finger on it.
Well back to my fishing trip this last summer. We approached the area we liked to fish best and proceeded to get our equipment ready, when suddenly something really felt wrong. I looked at my wife and her eyes were as big as saucers, and it hit me too. We forgot to put the plug in the boat. For those who do not know what a "boat plug" is. Well it is this plug at the back of the boat that you drain water out of when you are finished for the day, and have the boat on the trailer and out of the water. The only thing is, when you forget to put it in, the water comes into the boat. So I opened the hatch and sure enough we were taking on water. Panic hit me and my wife and she handed me the plug, I jumped in the water and screwed the plug in. Of course, water was already in the boat. So we flipped on the bilge pump and got to feel foolish for about 30 minutes while water pumped out of our boat with me dripping wet. Lesson learned?
Well much like my days with the Witnesses of always wondering "what's missing?" The answer finally came to me. In all the negative counseling to people, the years passing by unfulfilled and not being allowed to have my own mother at my wedding. It dawned on me and my wife one day what that "nagging" missing piece was. The life we were in then was missing "love", and thus much like my boat, we felt our life sinking beneath the waves until we jumped and did something about it. It was not a pleasant way to handle things, and in the end we ended up looking a little wet and uneasy in the early days of our exit. Yet, with finding the leak we were able to bail water out of our lives until we were safely above water again.
So now when we go to the lake and we get ready to launch into the water, want to know the question that comes from both of us. You guessed it, "did you put in the plug?" Some thing we still both make a visual check of, just to make sure we feel good about the matter. Want to know the first question we ask each other now too, before we get involved with anything in life? The same question, only worded differently, "did you check the love?" If the answer is not something we both feel comfortable with, we don't jump on board anything. After all ...
"Who wants to go down with a sinking ship?"
My thought
Dragon
Edited by - kenpodragon on 16 October 2002 2:18:2
