Syn, "DUMB YOURSELF DOWN".....and you'll stay in the truth!
What Bad Counsel Was Given To You By The Elders?
by minimus 29 Replies latest jw friends
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spike
Elders said, 1.Donot go to college,2. Don't use birth control but when our third son was born mentally challenged and special needs no one helped out 3.stay with your husband,for you maybe his salvation since I was active and he wasn't.4.go to 12 step programs but don't participate 5.go to therapy but don't come to us if the demons hassle you.5.Don't divorce your husband,you will be responsible if he commits adultery 6.you aren't a good publisher because you divorced your husband 7.re-marry your ex , he is an elder's son.
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mouthy
I complained to the elders I was getting beaten by my husband -they said That was to bad.I probably wasnt in submission -but "really sister your fortunate( not lucky) that your able to get to meetings& go out in service we have many brothers & sisters in other countries,who are in prison & cannot do that worth while work-they too are being beaten" RIGHT!!!!!
All I should do was serve" Jehovah more-"( then my husband complained I was out in service to much & he wanted me to work for HIm instead of doing for them- )So they then told me I had to go to work....I did - So I had studies, went to work, went to 5 meetings a week( 2 buses & a long walk to the Kingdom Hell) Is it any wonder I have Rheamatoid Arth???? I OVER WORKED!!!
Then stupid as I am ( was) I got a job at the Bay---After working there for a few years, They offered me an assistant Managers job in Ontario at "Shoprite"( I was in Montreal) I refused it ... as the need was great ( or the greed was great) to "preach the word" After four months of turning down the Job
They went out of buisness-I would have had a lovely pension......
Sorry to vent! It just reminded me of how Stupid I am..... Was!!
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minimus
Spike, Don't use birth control pills? Why??? Mouthy, do this. Do that. Don't do this. Don't do that. Be happy you only got beat up. You could have gone to prison and got beat up.....on and on
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DIAMOND
Are you kidding!!!!
Don't move out of state (I did)
Quit your job as a radio announcer and sell cable (I did...idiot)
Quit you job as a radio announcer and work in a factory (I did..big mistake)
Don't move to another congregation(I did...worked out fine)
Forgive the MS who tried to get with your wife (I did...TWICE)
It was all bad advice. These are just ordinary men making ordinary decisions. HOLY SPIRIT MY A$$!!!
Diamond
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Sentinel
Minimus,
I was young and nieve, and had already been df'd for commiting fornication ONE time. This was first love for me, and I was experiencing all the emotions of having committed to that love. At 21, I lost my virginity to this person. The guy also loved me, but not with the same commitment and depth. We did get married and had our only child, and I had been reinstated. My marriage was self-destructing from the beginning, but the brothers were cocky when I went to them for help. Although I gave my whole self to making it work, and sacrificed a great deal personally, my husband was too immature to appreciate what we had.
The concensus was that basically, I deserved to "be abused", because I had married an outsider. Their rules were unbelievable. After getting thrown down stairs and manhandled physically, not to mention being shot at and held at gunpoint, the brothers told me that I should "turn the other cheek", and hope that by my example, he would be won over.
When I sought their help in trying to leave an alcoholic, drug abuser, and physically abusive husband, who was also unfaithful, they told me that I would "have to see him commiting the act of adultery". I told them that my husband had already confessed his indescretions to me--but that made no difference. They told me that I should consider how it might be to be away from my husband, that I would be left open to sin and so would he. They counseled me not leave the marrital bond. How many times was I to forgive him for sleeping around on me? My husband had it made, and I was just to accept all of it as my lot in life. He laughed in my face.
(You might wonder why I didn't call the police. I did. In those days, marrital abuse was considered "family business". They dismissed me. They told me if I really was injured, then they could do something. With just a few bruises and only my words that he shot at me, or held me at gunpoint, they told me there was nothing I could do. Yet, he was a time bomb waiting to go off.)
While my self esteem was trashed, and my confidence at being a wife and mother were being crushed, I began to grow up fast, and learned for myself that the JW's have an unreasonable mindset. A mindset that was destroying "me". Had I married a JW brother and been the good woman, I may not have had the reasons to search for the real truths, so everything happens for a reason.
Had they given me helpful advice, practical advice, I could have divorced this abuser much earlier, and been free to get my life together. I ended up staying with him fourteen years, until I figured out that they really were into letting women suffer. They never really did care about me at all as a human being. Oh, they proclaimed love from the platform, but they were ill-equipted to help me, and they discouraged any of my desires to get help from someone else who was trained to counsel women in my situation.
Also, I was an avid student in school, getting honor roll grades. I was given opportunities for excellent jobs, and my grandparents would have helped me get through college. The counsel at that time was to do all for Jah, through the organization, by Pioneering. Furthering education was a "worldly" trait, and even moreso for a female. Also, marriage was to be put off, because the new system was "at hand". To think of one's self was being very selfish. I learned to believe that I was not important, which only led to more problems in my life later on.
How can I say that I regret my marriage, when I have a beautiful son as a result? How can I have regrets when I am all that I am, because of my experiences. None of us can go back. We can't relive our lives again. The important thing is right now.
I hold no hard feelings against any of those brothers for advising me like they did. As JW borgs, they were doing what they were trained to do. In the end, we each bear the responsibility for the choices we make.
Sentinel
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freeman
I was told I had to leave a good paying job, (it was in a defense plant). I quit the job and I paid a price of low paying jobs for years and years.
Then I got another great job that was not defense related at all but they came around again, and this time they told me I had to make a choice, a choice between my job or going to the meetings. I miss some meetings because I had to fly each week.
This time I kept the job, lost the meetings, and now have a REAL life in the REAL world. Best decision I ever made in my life!
Freeman
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hillbilly
after 'tie your shoe before you trip", most advice i ever got from elders was not asked for on my part and way off base...
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pomegranate
What Bad Counsel Was Given To You By The Elders?
All of it.
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minimus
It's awful to hear all the bad advice to quit a job or to stay with an adulterous husband. Credit must be given to all those that learned the truth, even the hard way.