by kenpodragon 5 Replies latest jw friends

  • kenpodragon

    I rewrote this for all of us Witness children who wanted Santa to come visit us, yet had to accept that is was all just some evil Pagan mess. Yeah right!!! Like we didn't want Christmas.


    In a Witness home as seen by a Witness when Santa appeared

    'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Witness house

    Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;

    No stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

    No hope that ST. NICHOLAS soon would be there;


    The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

    While visions of Armageddon danced in their heads;

    And mamma in her Watchtower, and I in my cap,

    Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,

    When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

    I sprang from my prayer to see what was the matter.


    Away to the window I flew like a flash,

    Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

    The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

    Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below,

    When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

    But a demonized sleigh, and eight evil reindeer,

    With the old devil driver, so lively and quick,

    I knew in a moment it must be St. Lucifer, how sick.


    More rapid than eagles his curses they came,

    And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

    "Now, DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and VIXEN!

    On, COMET! on CUPID! on, DONDER and BLITZEN!

    To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!

    Now dash away! dash away! dash away you evil all!"


    As dry leaves that before the wild evil hurricane fly,

    When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

    So up to the house-top the demons they flew,

    With the sleigh full of toys, and that Lucifer too.


    And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

    The prancing and pawing of each evil hoof.

    As I drew up my Bible, and was turning around,

    Down from my spine came the chill of Demons abound.


    Satan was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,

    And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

    A bundle of demons he had flung on his back,

    And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

    His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how scary!

    His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!


    His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

    And the beard of his demon chin was as white as the snow;

    The stump of a devil pipe he held tight in his teeth,

    And the evil smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;

    He had a broad face and a little round evil belly,

    That shook, with his evil scream like a bowlful of jelly.


    He was chubby and plump, a right strange old demon,

    And I screamed when I saw him, praying for heathens;

    A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

    Soon gave me to know I soon would be dead;

    He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

    looking for stockings; then turned and said "you jerk",

    And raising his finger, the middle one at me,

    And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

    He sprang to his sleigh, not wanting to stay,

    "It another Witness house, quick get away"


    But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,


    My thought


  • Big Tex
    Big Tex

    Pretty good. How about this? I didn't write it (I can't write well), but I've always enjoyed it, in a warped masochistic fashion:

    (Author unknown)

    Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did
    occur at a certain improved piece of real property
    (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all
    creatures therein including, but not limited to, a mouse.

    A variety of foot apparel, e.g., stocking, socks, etc., had
    been affixed in and around the chimney in said House in the
    hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/
    Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime
    thereafter. The minor residents, i.e., the children of the
    aforementioned House were located in their individual beds
    and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e., dreams
    wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not
    limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance,
    cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.

    Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter
    referred to as ("I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of
    the House with the party of the second part (hereinafter
    "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained period
    of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various
    forms of headgear, e.g., kerchief and cap.

    Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did
    occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent and
    appurtenant to said House, i.e., the lawn, a certain
    disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The
    party of the first part did immediately rush to a window in
    the House to investigate the cause of such disturbance.

    At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with
    some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh
    (hereinafter "the Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very
    rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8) reindeer.
    The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was,
    the previously referenced Claus.

    Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and
    guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and
    specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by name:
    Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and
    Blitzen (hereinafter "the Deer"). (Upon information and
    belief, it is further asserted that an additional co-
    conspirator named "Rudolph" may have been involved.)

    The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and
    the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs
    of several residences located adjacent to and in the
    vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was
    heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown
    origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or
    permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived
    at the House, and Claus entered said House via the chimney.

    Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially
    covered with residue from the chimney, and he carried a
    large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned
    packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking what
    appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation
    of local ordinances and health regulations.

    Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the
    stocking of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the
    chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did
    not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to
    the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.)

    Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his
    nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the
    House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or
    served as "lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an
    unknown destination.

    However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and
    Claus from said House, the party of the first part did hear
    Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all and to
    all a good night!" Or words to that effect.

  • kenpodragon

    It is such a fun poem to mess with.

    Take Care


  • Beck_Melbourne

    That was super cool Kenpo....can you post it again at Christmas time...that was well done.

    I added a couple of verses of my own, hehe, hope you don't mind.


    I rose from my sleep and looked all around
    No traces of presents or gifts to be found
    The room was the same as it is every year
    Laid out on the bed lay my witnessing gear
    I slowly got dressed and wished deep inside
    That maybe just once I could stay home and hide
    As we came to each door I would look up the street
    Or sometimes Id look down below at my feet
    Diverting my gaze, I had hoped to avoid
    Looking up at the people who must be annoyed
    When out from a door came a girl from my school
    I shrank behind mama and felt like a fool
    To home we did head it was midday at last
    On the street happy kids with their presents we passed
    Mama would tell me to never look back
    Satan would want this, so never be slack
    And so it would be every time christmas cheer
    Would bypass my house, year after year.

    True Story LOL


  • Prisca

    Great poems all of you!

  • Francois

    I like the one that starts out:

    Twas the night before Christmas,
    And all through the house,
    Everyone there was drunk as a louse.
    With Ma home from the Cathouse,
    And Me home from jail,
    We dad just settled down for a nice piece of tail,

    You get the idea. But I don't remember the whole thing. Sorry


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