Death in family/JW funeral

by wednesday 20 Replies latest jw friends

  • outnfree


    I am so sorry for your loss. You are quite wonderful to have been with your mother through her illness and gracefully let her cope with her dying by affirming her faith. A loving daughter, indeed!

    The next little while will certainly be a topsy-turvy time emotionally for you. Please, DO let us be sounding boards and supporters as you work through your grief, your questions, and your anger at losing your loved one.



  • wednesday

    Thank u all so much for your words of kindnesss. althought my mom was a loyal jw-she was old and sick and most of the cong. forgot her. So much for respect for the elderly.I am truly gratelful i was able to be with her and mend whatver problems we had ever had in our relationship. I was not always her favorite. My brother-the JW, well he was. But in the end-he wanted really nothing to do with her and i had to call and beg him to come see her. i did it because it meant a lot to her. I called the JW's to come see her because it gave her strength. 2 elders came and did read to her and pray with her. It helped her. The nursing home said they learned gratefulness from her.Funny, many years ago-i remember my mom telling me that JW were not good wijth illlness or anything they veered for the normal. So if all was well in your life-u were welcome. having problems-u are not welcome. My mom knew jw were not always kind-she often said this. But she was willing to hang on and forgive them. She was raised in the truth (so yes i am a third generation)

    I had my children really young(17) . they are strong willlled people. They saw the hyprocoisy in jw long before i did. Neither was baptized and just walked away. I hope my son will decide not to go to iraq. I feel he better serve his county by raising his children. I love him dearly, and we are both still young. I still watn more time wijth him.

    thank u for listening. wednesday

  • Windchaser


    My heart and thoughts are with you at this very sad time. I lost my mother, too, after 30 years of shunning her (I was the jw and she wasn't). We became friends again before her death. At least you and I have that, they knew we loved them. It was one of the hardest things I had to go through, losing her and believe me when I say, I know your pain.

    My son is on the USS Enterprise and I also know how hard this is for you. Somehow we get through these things, but it's not easy.

    With much love,


  • LyinEyes

    Dottie and Wednesday, (((((((((( just more hugs))))))))))

    It sure is a blessing to see what others mothers feel about their precious children. Sometimes , because of not ever really having a mother, I have felt , I was over mothering them. But it is good to see that how I feel is probably pretty close to normal. I don't have any patterns to follow, as I said , when I was a child , I was the mother and my mother was my child. If you know about drug addiciton and other mental illnesses , you probably know what I mean when I say that.

    I was also mother to my little sister, and even find myself trying to mother all the kids in the neighborhood. I guess, I felt it filled the void, of not being mothered myself. I have been working on my relationship with my younger sister, and I am trying to get her to be my sister and my friend and for me not to be her mother. She still has trouble seeing the differnce. But we have time.

    It is good to know that you ladies on this board, share your experiences in how you feel about your kids, how they are your life. It helps me stay focused on being all the things I wanted my own mother to be. Funny thing, is the older I get, now I understand how very hard being a mother really is. I understand how she was just a child having a baby, she was just 15. I had my child at 19 and my oldest son and I have a different kind of relationship than I do with my younger two. I guess we grew up together , the same way my mother and I did. I can see all of my mistakes, and Ihope I can be the best mother i can be.I told my kids along time ago, don't expect perfection from me, and you wont be let down. If you put your parents up on a pedastool , they will fall. I feel it works both ways, and we seem comfortable in our home , free to admit we make mistakes, but we learn and go on.

    I enjoy hearing how other mothers, deal with their families. Thanks for sharing.

  • DJ

    Hi Wednesday,

    I hope that each day for you gets brighter and brighter. You've been thru much from all that I know about you. Sorry about you losing your mom. My dad is very ill and i don't know how much time we have left w/ him. I am thankful for the time we have had so far. I don't think I would have been strong enough to lose him without warning. So, in this strange and bittersweet way it is a blessing to have the chance to say goodbye. I understand the sibling thing as i have a few of them myself. It is a hard time no matter what imo. It must have meant a lot to your mom to have you with her. (((((((((Wed))))))))))) I wish you all the best in your life. Love, Dj

  • wednesday

    Only a grandmother or mother waould post this-but i'm going to do it. We are all in the jprocess of potty training my 2 grandgirls. Today, one of them was able to do # 1 in the toliet. I'm so proud!!!!!


  • Windchaser

    (((((((LyinEyes)))))) And, what the heck, here's another one for: ((((((((wednesday)))))))

    Lyin, I just want to say how very much I appreciate and like reading your posts. You are a wonderful, loving person and it just beams in whatever you write. I love you to pieces. It's so true, too, about how much more you appreciate your mother as you grow and have your own. My mother did a great job considering all of her obstacles and I am very proud of her to this day. On the other hand I would hate to admit how many times I wished her dead when I was a teenager. What a rebellious, ungrateful creature I was then.

    wednesday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know, I know!!!! Isn't it great when they start using the potty??? It's, well, a milestone!

  • Double Edge
    Double Edge


    Please accept my condolences on the passing of your mother. The loss of a parent if very difficult. I lost my father a few years ago, we were very close and I still miss him so much.

    It was wonderful that you could be so helpful and comforting to your mom during her last few days here on earth ... you gave your full measure and I'm sure she recognized it and was so appreciative of your presence. The actions for your brother speaks for itself. I'm sure you are aware of the various beliefs on this board - I just want to share with you mine. I know that life is eternal, that your mother does not 'sleep' but has indeed moved on to a better existence as is our Heavenly Father's plan. Without a doubt, she now knows the real TRUTH of everything that we on this board spend hours debating.... she is not far from you and cheering you on as you continue your journey through 'life'.

    May God be ever near to you and yours in your sorrow.

  • BugParadise


    So sorry to hear of the loss of your Mother

  • wednesday


    Speaking as a mother, not a day has gone by in my life that my children(and now grandchildrren) have not been on my mind. I became a mother at 17 so i was not too prepared. My olderst son and i are more like brother and sister age wise,-but we are close. I drove my kids crazy talking to them-and giving them advice. They woudl always say'Your such a mom".But they know i'm here, and my oldest son will still sit crossleg on the floor and tell his troubles to me. Once u are a paretn-u are forever. U will always be mom, and in some way they will aways need u. I still need my mom. she was 80, but i still needed her. But the harderst part of being a parent is knnowing when to let go.I have to watch my son agonizee now over whether to go to iraq and defend his way of life or stay and raise his children. I of course want him to stay. But i raised a caring human being-and i will continute to give him input-because this is a big decision-but he is a man and i will have to deal wijth whatever decision he makes. i don't think i slept a night while he was in Kosovo.

    One thing i always remember to do is say "I love u " alot. When i screw up-i ask them to forgive me. In return-i have kids that say"i love u" and please forgive me".

    Tonight i am still up crying about my mom.But i know i must grieve. She wasn't just an old woman, she had a life and did many good things.Her life had value and she helped ojther people.I hope that when i am 80 someone at a nursing home will say"and from MRS. x i have learned gratefulness". My mother learned to be grateful in whatever circumstances she was in. .

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