Approaching family- the specialist attack.

by happysunshine 9 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  happysunshine

  I'm going to approach my family about the Witnesses. I may only get one shot at this, so it'll have to be good. Something short, fast, and effective, but with the possibility of further growth. Any ideas?

  The demographic: 2 elderly parents, 50 years as witnesses, including missionary work. Older brother and sisiter, dyed in the wool witnesses, now married with kids.

  Me: Was good witness 'till I just walked away from it all 7 years ago, which of course required dropping all family ties.

  They respect me now, but I don't know what will happen when I start to get into Witness stuff. I don't have much time to come up with something, so I thought I'd appeal to The Board for input. Any ideas/experiences? -J
• 

  johnathanseagull

  Hi happy..........my advise, take it slow and easy..........if you barge in with stories on the UN and Silent lambs, their wall will come up and it might be years before you get another chance..........there have been a couple of chances I've had but not taken yet, but I intend to have my opener as "Were you disappointed when you found out about the affiliation the WTBS had with the UN?" hope this helps

  J Gull
• 

  Prisca

  Hmm,

  Your parents are elderly, been JWs for 50yrs you say? So the majority of their life has been involved with the JWs.

  If you take away their beliefs and social system, what are you planning to replace it with?

  Remember that it isn't easy for older ones to adjust to new things. Imagine what a shock it would be to them at this late stage in their life to find out their whole life was based on lies.
  
  Do you want to be responsible for the possible fallout?

  Are you prepared to give them the on-going support they would need?

  Are you prepared for the various emotions, especially anger and depression, that would result?
• 

  InquiryMan

  I would think twice before divulging facts on elderly ones. Also keep in mind that some have been content and also happy being in the truth.

  I guess being in advanced years, it would be best to be left "alone", but if possible, give them all the love and support they need (if youre permitted to do so).
• 

  link

  Prisca is right.

  I have to deal with this situation on a daily basis, as those nearest and dearest to me have been "in" for just far too long. Any attempt that I made to destroy their belief system would also destroy them and I could just not bear that responsibility.

  On the other hand, if someone is showing evidence of having doubts they are probably already mentally re-adjusting, even on a sub-concious level, to a changed situation. In this case there is no harm in providing them with a little help to see things a bit more clearly - but let them start the ball rolling.

  Or if you want, just sew little seeds infrequently and lightly - no big deals to start.

  As someone with some knowledge of this problem my advice would definately be "do nothing and say nothing" unless a very clear opening presents itself - then walk on egg shells.

  link
• 

  A Paduan

  Some ideas?

  Jwism is deeply worldly - indeed the foundation is the way of the world - namely the notions surrounding earning your "fair share" (like those who start earlier in the day). The concern of the kingdom is to give fully to those who are undeserving - it's the way of heaven - jwism has no understanding of why.

  paduan

  Edited by - a paduan on 2 October 2002 7:57:23
• 

  avengers

  This is how you can practice: Take a 10 dozen eggs or 20 dozen or whatever. Put the eggs on the floor everywhere. In you kitchen, in your livingroom, in the bathroom, etc. You cannot break even one. You leave them there for months.

  What I mean is you have to be super cautious. Before you speak, think hard! One little mistake sets you back months, even years.

  On the other hand they deserve to hear the truth about the WT. So,,, Join the club. This religion is so real for the brothers and sisters that any attempt to even say anything in the direction of trying to discredit the Watchtower, or elders or yeah you name it, will instantly result in a big emotional outroar. I won't go into details.

  Some brothers you have to hit hard, superhard! Slap 'em around as much as you can. Others, too slow is still too fast.

  I bet they're good people, and they love you. Go from there.

  I don't know. It all just hurts too much.

  Andy
• 

  Intuit39

  Hi, you all, I have to agree with Prisca, et al.

  You cannot replace a lifetime invested in an ideal.

  I've known elderly people who accepted the WT message late in life, and they never seemed to shake their old ingrained teachings, rather stumbling along with both sets of beliefs hoping they had their bases covered. Kind of sad, really...

  In my own experience, I told myself I just wanted to make sure I didn't lose my mother (JW for almost 40 years). She lovingly listened to everything I had to say, she read the old literature, she examined the Kingdom Interlinear, etc. The result: three years of anguish for her-- and she's even more committed to her religion, just with none of the vigor and idealism she had before.

  I wish I had left her alone. She never would have shunned me anyway.
• 

  Yerusalyim

  If you're out and the family isn't shunning you, I'd let sleeping dogs lie.
• 

  happysunshine

  Thanks for taking the time to post responses guys! I apreciate it.

  I know what you're saying about shaking someones boat. It rarely goes over well. And its important to look at the big picture. You don't want to win the battle, but lose the war.

  I've basically taken that position until now. I believe a couple of things have led to my recent change of heart.

  One is the time factor. Mom and dad may not have much time left. I would love to fully explain to them why I did what I did. I'd also like to have an open repore about why they chose the JWs in the first place, see if we can compare notes, or at least be at peace about the difficult life they chose for the family.

  Another reason is the future. I know they were a major influence on us kids and the direction our lives have taken. I believe our concept of the Witnesses is closely tied up with them. Once they are gone, I fear that only a kind of rock-hard 'folklore' will be left. Any chance at having them influence the rest of the family with a frank discussion, not a WT filtered version, will pass. The family seems to be gradualy drifting apart. I can only imagine what my nephews are being taught about me at meetings.

  A third reason is my peace of mind. I've noticed some negative things in myself that must have sprung from my family and being a Witness. I feel like getting to the bottom of it includes having an open discussion with my family.

  Finally, the more research I do on sites like this, the more concerned I get and the more I want to get them out.