The desire to return just for family's sake (page 2)

Wolfgirl

how hard has it been not to just throw up your hands and just return to the Society, just for appearance's sake?

At first, I considered it. Just so I could talk to my sister again. My parents can kiss my arse. But after everything I've learned here, there's no way I can do it personally. I can't sit there and lie and say, 'Yes, I want to be a part of this organisation again," when my heart and mind aren't in it. I would feel like too much of a hypocrite.

Besides, my husband calls it "emotional blackmail" and I agree. I will not succumb to blackmail. :-p

teejay

It's a tough decision. If it were me, I'd consider:

1. Could I stomach hearing the JW bullshit two or three times a week?

2. Could I still enjoy a real life separate from the Organization?

Family is important and are worth almost any sacrifice. Almost any. It's a tough call.

funkyderek

"This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man."
- Shakespeare, Hamlet

Edited by - funkyderek on 23 September 2002 10:13:25

Sentinel

Returning is perfectly natural under the circumstances. If you have not built any type of support for yourself on the "outside", it seems more natural to go back. A comfort zone is a comfort zone, no matter how crappy is still is. That's why so many abused mates go back to their situation and remain with the mate that causes them so much pain.

I did this very thing. Then, the next time around, I made sure, I had more support for my decision. I built myself up as much as I could at the time, and decided that since god is supposed to be able to read hearts anyway, he sure knew mine, and I was living a big lie.

Everyone has to decide for themselves. The loss is great! But, to stand tall for principal and truth and freedom of self was well worth it for me. Leaving was just the final event. I had left long ago in my heart.

Take care and Love and Light to all trying to make this decision.

Sentinel/Karen

MegaDude

Anewlife,

I'm glad you got some good out of my previous post. My JW brother had his first child two weeks ago. I sent him a very nice gift for the baby (a stroller/car seat) and wondered if I would hear from him. I did it because I just wanted him to know that even though we don't see each other anymore, I still care about him. I sent the gift without any expectation of a thank-you or as a means to get back into his life. He ended up calling me and thanked me via the phone for the nice gift. I've not been invited to see the baby, nor do I expect to be. Still, I know my brother. I know he misses me as much as I miss him. If I didn't know that, I wouldn't bother. And who knows how that may open his mind someday to the fact that people who leave the JWs are still kind and good people.

queer_reality

I was raised a dub. Only my sister is still a dub, everyone else in my immediate family has gotten out. Most of my extended my are dubs. I used to be close to some of my cousins, and occasionally I wish I could talk with them. And my sister and I were very close. I haven't seen her even once in the past ten years. I've never met her husband. I miss her terribly. She still talks to the rest of my family--they drifted, I was dfed. I haven't seen my most bestest friend in the whole wide world in about 15 years. I miss her almost as much.

I would not go back into the dubs for anything.

But I have thought about trying to have my babtism declared invalid. I don't know if that is possible, and I doubt that they would be so compassionate, but I have thought about it.

queereality

TheStar

E,

Funkyderek beat me to the Shakespear quote.

You have to be true to yourself my friend. I know it's far easier said than done, just try remember time heals all. In time they may come to accept your choices or you will come to accept theirs and it won't hurt as much.

If you make this sacrifice for them, you will grow bitter and in the end you may end up hating your parents. While it is most loving for you to want to, it is not healthy to deny your own happiness for the sake of others, not even your parents. It will destroy you inside. In this life you cannot make everyone happy all the time but your own life is too short to not live happily.

Fire Dragon

I think about it often...and then I get sick. I think about what going back would mean. The expectations it would put on my life and the loss of freedom to be who I really am. Besides, in my particular situation, going back wouldn't really mean that much as far as my family is concerned. Our relationship is too damaged. I love them, but I know they don't love me....they don't love me enough. I have resigned myself to living as though my "parents" are dead. But I DID think about it. You just have to do what is right for you and hope that one day your parents will love you enough to love you for who you are and not what you do.

Vitameatavegamin

The whole disfellowshipping thing can be quite ridiculous. Unfortunately, the people who shun really believe that they are

pleasing God, but if they only knew. Here is an example of the complete hold the Society has on it's members: I know of a

baptized JW who has not attended meetings or had any active part with JWs in at least 12 years. But, this guy has been involved

in total JW qualified wrongdoing. He has a major gambling problem, has lived with several women, attended other churches,

regularly views porn, etc. However, whenever he happens to be in the area and other JWs see him, they always say hello and

visit with him. Now, my question is, are JWs shunning others because they are supposed to hate these activities that are

considered loose conduct, fornication etc. and are showing loyalty to God for "righteous standards" or are they shunning

because the Society says they are to be shunned? If a JW truly believes what he has been taught about morals, etc. then

would'nt he be moved to shun that person anyway if the bible says not to even eat with such a person? Why should

any "good JW" even speak to this guy I know when he is clearly engaged in DFing offenses? Because the society has'nt

given the word? Come on!

Dont get me wrong, I am not even advocating shunning whatsoever. I am just making the point of how controlled JWs really are.

Why wait for the society to tell you who to speak to and who not to?? It is so stupid and hypocritcal even by their OWN standards!

Good food for thought.

Thanks! Vita

Country Girl

This just breaks my heart reading all these accounts of people that are missing their relatives! I was born and raised a Witness, but never got baptized, as my Mother didn't think I was ready to commit.. she didn't want me to make that step without being ready. Thank heaven.. if I had,. she wouldn't have ever talked to me again! I wasn't baptized, but I still consider myself a full fledged Witness since I lived through it my whole life. I can't imagine the grief I would have if I couldn't talk to my parents or my brothers and sister now. My Father was an immigrant and we were raised in a very cloistered and isolated cultural community, on TOP of being Witnesses, and our relatives, when they came to this country, lived with us. Our family was very close=knit. It would KILL me if I couldn't talk to them anytime I wanted to....

My heart goes out to all of you who cannot commune with your families... I am so sorry this happened to you.

Country Girl

The desire to return just for family's sake

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